Here in this blog, I am contining with self-forgiveness in relation to defining myself as a man through women's eyes. You can look at my previous self-forgivenesses in relation to this point here, and you can read the beginning blog that explains this point here.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I go into emotional reactions, I am giving a part of myself to that emotional reaction in order for that or those emotional reactions to exist, and I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I emotionally react to something or someone, that the information that creates the 'composition' of that emotional reaction is information that I have given my power away to that I 'act out' as a form of 'disempowerment'.
I see, realize, and understand that all forms of emotional reactions have a 'basis' of 'diminishment' where I diminished a part of myself to the particular 'reaction'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself to 'emotional reactions'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be 'attracted' to emotions which precedes me acting out that emotional pattern into a 'reaction'. I see, realize, and understand that to be / become 'attracted' an 'emotion' or a 'feeling', that I first have to define myself 'separate' from it in order for it to exert its 'force' to me which I then, thus, 'respond' to that 'force' in a certain way contingent on it's behavior (as how it 'moves' in my physical body that I 'thus' define as 'anger' or 'sadness').
I commit myself to, instead of emotionally reacting to something or someone, to slow myself down so that I can see the information, which is the 'building block' of that particular emotional reaction, for what it is to be able to 'extract' it, and return the information back to myself from the perspective that I am not an 'effect' of it, but the directive-principle of it.
I see, realize, and understand that 'extracting' information from emotional energy means that I 'introspect what it is that is creating that particular emotional pattern to exist that I 'perpetuate' through emotional reactions.
I see, realize, and understand that when I emotionally react to something or someone -- that it is me perpetuating my belief that I am separate from the 'information' that contributes to what created the particular emotional pattern's composition that I define as 'anger', 'sadness', 'fear', etc.
I see, realize, and understand that the 'information' that creates the composition of an emotional pattern are the thoughts, the memories, the internal dialogue etc. that are expressed through me through physical behavior, and that contributes to the strength and intensity of the emotional reaction and pattern.
I commit myself to 'introspect' (extract) the thoughts, the memories, the internal dialogue (also known as back-chat) that contributes to the strength and the intensity of the emotional reaction.
I commit myself to when and as I see myself creating 'internal dialogue' in relation to perceiving that a female is 'better' than me, and knows the definition of what it means to be a 'real' man, I stop and breathe. I realize that I have to live words through me (such as the word 'man', and what it means to be a 'man'), and I realize that this 'internal dialogue' has an 'essence' of 'giving up' from the perspective of me not wanting to live and express the word 'man' to my utmost potential, but instead, would rather 'live' the word man 'comfortably' through how the agreement of what it means to be a 'man' is currently being 'expressed' through males.
I see, realize, and understand that one dimension as how I define the word 'man' is through 'perfection' -- as having 'superior memory'. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can gain the attraction of 'arbitrary' females if I had 'superior' memory.
I see, realize, and understand that the point of wanting / desiring 'superior' memory in order to please females comes from me trying to 'balance' the belief that I cannot effectively communicate with females because of my speech impediment.
I see, realize, and understand that me wanting to effectively communicate with females comes from a starting-point of wanting to please and 'entice' females through my words, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish my words to my words only being used to please and entice females instead of using my words to speak 'truth' and 'substance' in communication.
I commit myself to bring 'substance' in communication -- meaning to 'ground' the communication back to 'reality' and ensure that my words do not activate or perpetuate 'emotions' which are the 'essence' of 'diminishment'.