25 January 2015

Defining Myself as a Man Through Women's Eyes

I always thought that to be a 'real' man, I had to follow what I believed women liked or wanted in a man that's contributes to the definition of what I believe that women perceive as the definition of a real man, and so for the most part, I took on that image in my life, and the image that I specifically took on was only an 'interpretation', and not based on any real statistical or evidentiary data in relation to actual information in the form of 'opinions' of how a female (or females) define a 'real' man as. So really, what am I actually becoming through the 'living' of the thought that to be a 'real' man, I have to follow the concept of what a man is based on female's perception of a 'real' man?

I realize that through me accepting and allowing myself to fulfill someone else's thoughts / perceptions / opinions of a word, such as the word 'man' in this case, that I am diminishing myself to the person and to my own mind. I do not have precise data on how someone sees, perceives, and defines words within themselves such as the word 'man', and why they define it in that particular manner even though what they speak, and how they speak words, phrases, or sentences can align with my own understanding of the word, phrase, or sentence, and why the word, phrase, or sentence is being spoken in the way that they are speaking it which creates the notion that they are speaking the particular word, phrase, or sentence because of 'this or that' reason', but what I am seeing when and as this happens are just projections of my own ideas, perceptions, and beliefs in relation to how a person defines a word within themselves, and why the word, sentence, or phrase is being spoken in such manner.

I realize that emotional reactions have a foundation which is the mind which is made up of simulations which is information that reproduces reality and twists it into something that isn't entirely true which is how ideas are formed. And when I go into an emotional reaction over a word such as the word 'man', from the perspective of believing that I am not living or expressing the word 'man' as how I believe 'females' would like to see the word 'man' expressed from a 'male' -- that I am giving a 'part' of myself to a simulation that I created in my mind that represents the definition and behavior of females in the 'outside word', and allowing that 'simulation' with the information as how I see / perceive females in my outside world to mold and shape me instead of me molding and shaping myself into the image of how I would like to express myself as a man.

I mean, I can understand if I, for instance, physically give someone else all of the information that I have accumulated in my lifetime that represents my understanding of what a 'man' is, and allow them to reshape that information by taking some data out, and adding some data in, and then giving it back to me, and allowing that information to recalibrate within myself which I then will definitely have new information about what a 'man' is, but it doesn't happen this way. So since it doesn't happen this way, what do I do? I simulate (reproduce) the person (or people) in my mind, and give all of that information which is, in this case, the information that represents my understanding of what a 'man' is to the particular 'simulation', and project the simulation to the actual person, in which a belief is then created that THEY have the actual definition of what it means to be a 'REAL' man, but it is not them that had the information at all. It was me that 'GAVE' the information to a simulation in my mind that I superimposed onto the real person. And I realize that I do not only do this to one word such as the word 'man', but a bunch of words, and how this particular self-manipulative behavior leads to blame and comparison. So in the next blog, I would like to write some self-forgivenesses in relation to this point to be able to let go of the current definition of the word 'man' which I am not living, and allow myself to redefine the word 'man' into something that I can 'express' which can then be beneficial to 'life' because I am life -- instead of giving the benefit to a 'simulation' which has no purpose but to 'reproduce' life into an 'illusion' and pervert it into something that is not.

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