26 December 2014

Seeing the Moment for What it Is

Here in this blog, I am continuing with the series of my relationship to self-forgiveness, and how my experience of self-forgiveness is like a rock that is being thrown into water which creates ripples in the water. In the previous blog, I wrote about self-forgiveness and friction. The friction would be, for example, you existing in this experience of calmness. This 'calmness experience' would be like still waters, for example, if you were at the beach. And then all of a sudden someone throws a rock into the lake and creates ripples. This would be my experience of self-forgiveness when I am asked to speak self-forgiveness statements out loud in the moment. This is because my experience of self-forgiveness does not align with the 'calmness experience'. The way that I experience the calmness experience is like a relaxed experience where I perceive everything in me being momentarily stable, and with speaking self-forgiveness in the moment, there is an agitation that emerges, and so because there was a quick transition from calmness / stability to agitation, a friction is created which would align to the experience of irritation.

So here in this blog, I'd like to talk more about seeing the moment for what it is, and I realize that to see the moment for what it is, I have to drop all energy. What is 'energy'? Energy is basically a state of mind or a psychological or emotional state that I am adopting in a particular moment. I have to drop that to be able to see the moment for what it is, and I will now explain a dimension of what I realized over time that contributed to me dropping 'energy' in order to see things clearly.

One thing that I realized over a course of years that contributed in me being able to effectively drop 'energy' is to look at how a particular experience / event / situation came to be created over time such as Christmas. The point of releasing myself from the value that I gave to Christmas, which is essentially what it means to 'drop' the 'energy' that I attached to Christmas, took a long time because the point of releasing myself from the value that I gave to Christmas wasn't something that I was consciously involved in -- in relation to concsiously releasing the 'energy' -- which is the value that I gave to Christmas. It was something that I 'grew out' of -- meaning that during the process of growing up, your state of mind changes over time, and so thus, your thinking pattern changes along with your awareness. I learned more about 'life' in general, and the complications within it. And because of the processes and complications within life, contributed to me seeing, realizing, and understanding what it takes to create the 'spirit' of Christmas, and what it takes to create the 'spirit' of Christmas is money, and money wasn't something that I didn't have to be concerned about as a child, and so because I didn't have to be concerned about it, I created more of an 'emotional' value to the 'spirit' of Christmas because I didn't understand the processes of what is involved to create 'Christmas'. All that I saw was the 'result', and the 'result' is something that is appealing due to the labor and the cost that it takes to make it 'impressive'.

So this is one thing that I realized that I can use as a tool to release myself from the things that I 'value' to be able to see the mechanisms and the underlying processes of what it is that is responsible for creating the 'end product'. And this can be a tool used to 'dissect' anything. So when and as I see myself going into an 'energy' such as 'desire' that I attach to something or someone in my mind, I can have a look at what it is within myself..... the mechanics such as the thoughts, the imaginations, etc. that are the mechanisms that gives 'life' to a particular 'energy' (state of mind) or 'feeling'.

The thing about states of mind which are temporary psychological states that can come with a particular emotion or 'feeling' is that it 'pulls' my awareness into it, and so everything that I think about, and everything that I do is done to perpetuate that particular emotional state because if that wasn't the case I would have, a long time ago, moved and directed myself to understand the underlying mechanics, the underlying details, and the underlying processes of what it is that creates 'Christmas' and everything else that I attached a value to, but I did not go that route to understand the underlying mechanics, details, and processes of my own thoughts, and why I placed value on certain things in my life such as 'Christmas' because my awareness was 'elsewhere' in my mind trying to 'fulfill' something 'positive' or 'negative' for the evolution of my own self-interests.

I know, for myself that I WANT to increase my awareness to have a better understanding of myself, and so I realize that it takes 'self-movement'. It takes 'research'. It takes an understanding of who I am and what I am participating in in each moment within my mind which means that it takes work. It takes introspectino.... It takes a pulling apart.... a dissecting of one's relationship to the moment. What is it that I am participating in in this moment? What do I need to change about myself in this moment to be able to contribute to the moment in such a way that I don't react to it, but instead, contribute to the moment something that will support it? So in the next blog, I will continue on with this point, and then write some self-forgivenesses in relation to this point.


Part 1: Stepping Out of Your Programming through Self-Forgiveness

Part 2: Stepping Out of Your Programming SF

Part 3: Programming Myself through Opinions SF

Part 4: Friction Within Self-Forgiveness SF

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