20 December 2014

Stepping Out of Your Programming through Self-Forgiveness

Here in this blog, I'd like to talk about self-forgiveness because self-forgiveness is something that I have had great resistance in doing since the start of speaking and writing self-forgiveness. Now why is this? The reason is primarily because of how I associate self-forgiveness to prayer.

When I pray, I, right then and there, position myself to be inferior to the person or entity, which is that which is perceived or known or inferred to have its own distinct existence -- that I am praying to, and within that inferiority position, what happens is that I change in how I normally express myself into structuring my communication and behavior to be more aligned to how I believe the person or 'entity' that I am praying to will be most 'comfortable' and 'pleased' with how I present myself.

Now I realize that one thing that I 'react' to when speaking or writing self-forgiveness is that 'change' that takes place in the way that I normally express myself into an expression that I do not normally convey to myself and others. Take a behavior for example that you have become accustomed to over time. Imagine yourself slowly but surely over the years becoming used to that behavior to the point that you don't question it or are even aware of how you behave. It would be equal to, for example, measuring your height if you were a child, and then after a couple of years, measuring your height again. You do not know that you have grown a couple of inches because the process of getting taller takes time. And so when I faced self-forgiveness, it was sort of like a punch in the face because you're speaking words that are not part of your 'nature' as an individual, and it seems scripted, but with this being said, haven't we actually 'scripted' ourselves our entire lives through our 'personality' and 'behavior' such as speaking and doing the same colloquial expressions over and over again, and reacting the same way to ourselves, our environment, and to others? But these things aren't questioned because they became a part of us. But what is not 'part' of our everyday expressions is questioned because it does not 'fit' into our 'database' as individuals which is our 'organized body' of information that we use to interact with the world / each other.

And so self-forgiveness is something that does not 'fit' into my own 'database' of information that I have used to formulate my 'personality' and 'behavior' over the years. It is something that I have, as a 'personality', been finding difficult to 'fit in' into myself, and so what do I do instead? I resist it regardless of how assisting and supportive self-forgiveness can be for me. I do find that self-forgiveness is assisting and supporting because within self-forgiveness the 'self' is at work meaning that you're taking self-responsibility for yourself, and within that responsibility, you're looking at how you can correct the point that you're doing self-forgiveness for. For example, one self-forgiveness would be "I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist self-forgiveness." And so from this, what would be the 'plan of action' or the correction? The correction-point would be to do self-forgiveness regardless of how I 'feel' about it because those 'feelings' are just resistances that emerge based on how self-forgiveness, for me, doesn't quite 'fit in' to my 'natural programming' that I programmed myself to be as an individual 'personality'.

And so from there I realize that I do not have to 'follow' my natural programming. I can 'expand' my 'programming', and 'input' new information into myself that goes 'beyond' how I 'feel' about something, but I can add information into my database that will support me to be a 'better' individual in life, and so the more that I place new information within me of such nature, I then expand myself and realize that I do not need to 'follow' my 'feelings' from the perspective of the 'resistances' that emerges when I 'add new information' into my 'database' (such as self-forgiveness) because I realize that these 'resistances' simply 'activate' within me when I 'add new information' into myself that does not align with my 'previous programming' / 'information' about myself that I developed myself to be over the course of my life. The resistances would be, for example, the security guards that are guarding what comes into me that will support my 'natural programming', and what goes out (what I convey to others).

So in the next blog, I'd like to write some self-forgivenesses in relation to this, and realize that within writing self-forgivenesses, I am, in-fact, 'stirring the waters' if the 'waters' are all of the 'stuff' that I put into myself over the years, such as the memories, the behaviors, the words, the knowledge, etc. that I use to create the way that I express myself in the world.

No comments:

Post a Comment