Here in this blog, I am continuing with my process of writing about my experience of stepping out of my programming using self-forgiveness, and to within this, assist in giving perspective of how one can step out of their own programming. What is 'programming'? It's basically how we define ourselves in relation to the outside world. There will be a point of reference needed to be able to 'program' yourself, and that point of reference is how we observe the world, and within that observance comes judgment, opinion, etc. So it is our own opinion that becomes the utensil that is used to create, or script, who we think we are in the world which becomes our 'programming'.
My resistance to self-forgiveness, since this is a continuation blog about my relationship with self-forgiveness, is something that stems from my individual programming. You can read more about this here, but as for this blog, this blog will be a continuation of the self-forgivenesses that I started in the blog titled Stepping Out of Your Programming SF.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how prayer has become a method of communication to something or someone that reinforces my inferiority to the person or entity that I am praying to instead of realizing that the moment that I pray to something or someone for forgiveness, support, or resolvement, it becomes a point where I become inferior to that something or someone, and trust their own actions if I have not looked at and exhausted all ways of approaching the point such as looking at all systems of support that will be able to support me in giving me the necessary knowledge and skill to be able to effectively work with the point.
I commit myself to see, realize, and understand that when I trust someone else to take responsibility for something that I considered I cannot do on my own, that within that, I have to consider whether or not the point that I am giving to someone else to look at and possibly resolve is a point to where I have looked at and exhausted all ways of approaching the point such as looking at all systems of support that will be able to support me in giving me the necessary knowledge and skill to be able to effectively work with the point.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to how I express myself by reacting to emotional and psychological changes that take place inside of me when speaking or writing self-forgiveness instead of realizing that these emotional and psychological changes that take place are changes that do not align with the particular behavior that I am adopting in that moment, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to adopt a behavior to the point that I become inhibited to the behavior instead of realizing that when I become inhibited to a behavior, I am adopting the particular 'program' of the behavior which is how the aggregate of the responses, and reactions that contribute to the expression of the behavior plays out which can be seen in the psychological, physiological, and emotional changes that happen, the changes in sentence-structure, verbal tone, expression of language, expression of gestures, etc.
I commit myself to become aware of the changes in my own behavior, and within that awareness, instead of becoming inhibited by the behavior, I commit myself to remain stable, and assess, for myself, what were the triggers, such as the things or the people within the environment, that triggered the particular behavior, and use that realization of what triggered the particular behavior as a reference so that I do not have to go into the the particular behavior 'program' which is the aggregate of the responses, and reactions that contribute to the expression of the behavior. I see, realize, and understand that when and as I become 'aware' of what triggered the particular behavior 'program' -- that I am becoming aware of the 'program' itself, and so thus, and becoming aware of how the 'program' veils reality by making the responses and the reactions that contribute to the behavior 'more real' than reality itself.