Daily Reflection: Fear of Affection

Here in this blog, I will write at least one self-forgiveness and one commitment in relation to something that stood out for the day that I decided to reflect on. If you'd like to know more about self-forgiveness, you can read my blog about self-forgiveness here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving and receiving affection.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my fear of giving and receiving affection is tied to my fear of getting to know myself through others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my fear of affection reflects how I have defined affection based on an 'emotional experience', and so thus, accept and allow that emotional experience to 'captivate' me in such a way that I become diminished to it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how I limit 'affection' to it representing something that I perceive is supposed to be an 'emotional experience', and not realize how I am allowing that emotional experience to define me instead of me defining myself and defining the point of 'affection' for myself, and how I would like to express 'affection' in my daily life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my fear of 'affection' is my fear of looking at and facing the 'emotional experiences' that I attached to 'affection'.

I commit myself to 'face' the emotional experiences that I attached to 'affection' and to be 'affectionate' when the opportunity comes, and to assess what kind of 'resistances' emerge within myself, and to understand what those resistances are because I realize that what I resist will persist, and what I resist is a part of me that I have suppressed over time.

I commit myself to stop manipulating myself by acting as though I do not 'want' or 'need' affection because I realize that this very act of manipulation is actually me diminishing myself to the same resistance-patterns that I do not want to 'face' when it comes to 'affection' / being affectionate to another.

I commit myself to show that the resistance patterns that I face when it comes to being 'affectionate' to someone is me fearing to become 'weakened' by the experience of 'affection'.

I commit myself to show that the 'experience' of affection is based on 'feelings', and that real affection does not require 'feelings' as the 'feelings' that are experienced are based on a 'semblance' (misleading appearance) in relation to how one sees and experiences the other person (that one is being affectionate to) to be based one one's 'interpretation' about them which elicits an 'experience' that is interpreted as 'real' because of the feeling-experience being created by the 'body'.

I commit myself to assess where in my life, have I accepted and allowed myself to be / become diminished by my emotions / feelings. I see, realize, and understand that when I become 'reactive' -- regardles of if it is a 'negative' or a 'positive' reaction, that I in that moment, have become diminished by a particular 'emotion' or 'feeling' that I have allowed to direct me. Thus, I commit myself to ground myself in physical reality, and when and as a 'reaction' emerges within myself to, instead of going into the reaction, assess its nature so that I do not have to go into the actual reaction because I realize that the reason that that reaction keeps emerging within msyelf is because I am not taking responsibility for it in understanding the nature of it.