Deactivating my Facebook Account

So here in this blog, I am having a look at why I deactivated my account on Facebook. One of the reasons why I deactivated it is because I was being drawn to it, and I was making it something that I would constantly look at throughout the day to check for updates such as: what's going on in the media, what's going on with family and friends, and to look at posts that would create a reaction within me. The primary reaction that I found that I am wanting to get out of Facebook posts is a reaction of 'excitement' (something that can make me laugh or get emotionally aroused). When I look at the point of wanting 'excitement', I can see that this point comes from a point of a fear of being 'bored' with myself, and / or life, and / or activities.

So I could say to myself that I do not get 'bored' which I used to constantly tell myself from time-to-time, but the very act of me wanting to be aroused by something or someone that will 'excite' me is the very fact of me expressing to myself that I am 'bored' with myself / life, and so the 'outcome' would be me wanting 'stimulation' by something or someone so I can experience excitement (through laughter for example).

And the point with laughing is that it is primarily a 'stimulation process', and so therefore, means that I am not the initiator of my own laughter. It means that something / someone else is the intiator of the reason for me laughing at something / someone which means that the point of me 'laughing' and / or getting 'excited' about something is used to 'veil' the point that is behind the desire for experiences of 'stimulation' which is the point of being bored with myself / things / life.

So here in this blog, I would like to write some self-forgivenesses in relation to boredom from the perspective of denying the fact of, or not realizing, that I am actually 'bored' with myself / things / life which gets 'balanced out' within the events / situations / circumstances that I get 'excited' by. You can read my blog about self-forgiveness, and my relationship to self-forgiveness here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not look at the reason for my desire for 'stimulation', and so tacitly accept the point of wanting to be 'stimulated' because of the 'feeling' that I get from it (which becomes my 'reward') as my 'motivation' for living and 'existing'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my 'motivation' and my REASON for living and 'existing' is that which I do consistently on a daily basis because of my constant (and perhaps automated) 'support' that I give it through my 'doingness'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek and search for 'excitement' / 'pleasure', and not realize that my very LOOKING FOR excitement means that I am 'separate' from it, and so not realize that my very 'act of' expressing 'excitement' when I have to 'look' for it is not a 'genuine' excitement, but rather 'programmed' excitement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'miss' the point that is behind the desire for experiences of 'stimulation' by going into / participating in the stimulation point without questioning my 'position' within the point that I am becoming stimulated by.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself through words and physical behavior the moment that I become stimulated by something, and not realize that when and as I become stimulated by something -- that my experience within the point of stimulation is a 'reaction' rather than an 'action' that I initiated. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how my 'memories' become the very cognitive processes that 'takes over' my very 'expression', 'essence', and 'beingness' when I am not the initiator of my 'actions' because of already being 'established', 'ingrained', and 'automated' in my own habits and reactions that becomes my way of 'expressing' myself (throughout the years) rather than ME 'coming through' those 'automations', and CREATING myself in each and every moment of breath.

I commit myself to CREATE myself in each and every moment of breath by: instead of REACTING TO things that come up in particular events / situations / circumstances -- to rather, TAKE IN, ASSESS the situation, ASSESS what comes up within me, DIRECT what comes up in me, and EXPRESS myself in the best way possible that MEETS the NEEDS of the situation optimally.

I commit myself to REDEFINE myself in such a way that I am no longer existing within REACTIONS of curiosity, fear, desire, etc. when it comes to making a decision to do something, but to rather, initiate a process or decision from a starting-point clarity and stability such as, for example, asking myself, what is it that I need within Facebook in this particular moment? Am I going on Facebook with a 'purpose' or am I just going on Facebook to recharge / reinforce my reactions of 'excitement', curiosity, fear, and / or 'desire' -- knowing that it will not, essentially, benefit me in the long run.