Here in this blog, I'd like to talk about the word 'vulnerability' from the perspective of experiencing a sense of 'vulnerability' toward someone when they are touching you. There will be this experience of 'letting your guard down' which is what I define as being 'vulnerable' to another. I realize that associating and defining 'vulnerability' through physical touch / sensations is actually judging that particular sensation because a sensation is really just a sensation. It is an expression of the physical body comprising of chemical and neurological components coming together that creates that sensation.
I also realize how I connect emotions and feelings, such as this letting your guard down, to physical sensation which limits physical sensation to that particular emotional or feeling 'experience', and so thus, when and as I experience that particular sensation again, it will 'trigger' that emotional reaction / response because of how I defined that particular sensation through an emotional experience that I reinforce through my participation in it.
It's actually no different than having a wind-up doll. Every time the string is pulled, the wind-up doll will respond in a specific manner that it was designed to respond as. For me, because I have associated the experience of being 'vulnerable' to certain physical sensations that I experience through a 'kiss or a 'hug' (for example), I thus, resist being kissed and / or hugged because of how I connected the physical sensation to being 'vulnerable' towards the person. I define myself as being subject to the person's wants / needs / desires -- not realizing that I am actually resisting something about myself that I am projecting to the person that I am phsyically interacting with in that moment.
So here in this blog, I'd like to do self-forgiveness for this particular mind-contruct / system / definition / pattern that I created within myself. You can read my self-forgiveness blog here to gain more perspective of what self-forgiveness is, and my relationship to it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate a 'feeling' to a physical sensation that emerges within myself when I am being touched instead of realizing that when I associate a feeling to a physical sensation such as a touch on the arm, or a hug, or a kiss -- I am limiting that physical sensation to that particular feeling, and within that limitation, will judge the physical sensation by either 'resisting' it or making it something something 'special'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysef to limit the word and definition of 'vulnerable' to a physical sensation instead of redefining the word 'vulnerable' in such a way that I make the living / application of the word 'vulnerable' practical in my daily life / living in such a way that I become 'vulnerable' = 'susceptible' to = 'nonresistant' to = 'capable of' stopping my participation in thoughts, imaginations, back-chats and reactions that emerge within myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that stopping my participation in the thoughts, imaginations, back-chats, and reactions that emerge within myself mean that I 'resist' them instead of realizing that to be nonresistant to / susceptible to / vulnerable to the thoughts, imaginations, back-chats, and reactions that emerge mean that I understand them so that I can direct them because the moment when I react to the very thoughts, imaginations, back-chats, and reactions that emerge mean that I lose the opportunity to understand them in order to direct them, and to correct my relationship to them as a way of stabilizing myself to them so that they no longer have 'directive principle' over me.
I commit myself to embrace physical touch by allowing the sensations to emerge within myself (when I am being touched) because I realize that these sensations are part of me as the chemical and neurological components coming together that creates that sensation.
I commit myself to when and as I experience a 'feeling' emerging within myself when I am being touched, I stop my participation in the feeling so that I can understand what triggered it because I realize that if I have not sourced the nature of the 'feeling', I will project the feeling to someone else, and believe they are the cause for why I am feeling the way that I feel.
I see, realize, and understand that when I simply participate in emotions and feelings, I am being disempowered by them. I commit myself to empower myself to understand the nature of feelings that emerges in particular moments from the perspective of why it is that a particular feeling is triggered in response to a particular person touching me (for example), and within that, I get to know myself. I get to know the way that my own mind works in relation to my physical body.