Here in this blog, I am continuing with the previous blog by starting with writing some self-forgiveness statements. In the previous blog, I mentioned how I associated different people's facial shapes / forms to their level of 'intelligence'. For example, if a person has a broad jaw-line, I would perceive them as being 'less intelligent' than a person who has a smaller jawline. In the previous blog, I also mentioned how this is in-fact fuzzy-logic due to this association with different facial shapes not being consistent with everyone. So in this blog, I will write some self-forgivenesses in relation to this pattern within my mind.
Self-forgiveness does not necessarily do anything when speaking or writing self-forgiveness, but it is my 'stand' within self-forgiveness that 'does' something, and that 'doing' is basically me stepping out of various patterns temporarily in order for me to see the 'bigger' picture of what I created as the entirety of the pattern itself in my mind. Stepping out of the pattern termporarily -- means that if I am not consistent in my 'stand' of stepping out of these patterns, they will simply recontruct themselves back again. If you've ever watched the Terminator movies, there is a terminator called the T-1000 that is able to remold / re-shape itself whenever it becomes compromised or damaged. So it is like the same process here. If I am not consistent in my 'stand' through speaking / writing self-forgivenesses, and if I am not consistent in my 'stand' to stop 'indulging' into the point that I am correcting within myself, then the patterns will simply re-contruct themselves again. So it is important for me to, when speaking or writing self-forgiveness to speak and / or write self-forgiveness for the particular pattern that emerges within my mind instead of participating and indulging in the pattern. Indulging in the pattern basically means that I allow the thoughts and emotions to influence me, and then I act out that 'influence' into a particular physical behavior. The self-forgiveness is, thus, a tool that is used as a declaration to myself that I will 'stand' and not accept and allow the patterns in my mind to mold and shape me into a particular 'behavior'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an 'idea' within my mind about what evolution, intelligence, and beauty is in relation to physical appearance, and accept and allow evolution, intelligence, and beauty to be the contributing factors that determine how I judge others, and relate to individuals.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an 'idea' w'ithin my mind that because a person has a broader jaw-line, they are 'less evolved' in their 'way of thinking', and if they have a smaller jaw-line, they are 'more evolved' (in their way of thinking).
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach an energy-experience of 'desire' to 'intelligence', and intensify that desire for 'intelligence' (and the more of it) when I see and interact with people that have smaller jaw-lines, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself create a slight 'resistance' experience within myself when interacting with people with broader jaw-lines because belief that people that I judge as 'more intelligent' than people that I judge as 'less intelligent' will also see me as 'less intelligent' if I am interacting with them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being 'intelligent', 'evolved', or 'attractive' enough: believing that people who are perceived as 'intelligent', more 'evolved' in their way of thinking, and / or 'more attractive' in their appearance are 'pioneers' that have the ability to lead as examples of people that everyone wants to be.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the pioneers of the media as the collection of people who have lots of 'money', and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the collection of people who have lots of money are more 'intelligent' than the majority of people within the world, more 'evolved' in their ways of thinking, and 'more attractive' in their apearance. And so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek and search for these attributes instead of realizing that I am seeking and searching for an 'idea' that I created and projected onto people that may or may not even attribute as actual expressions within themselves that corresponds to how I see, perceive, and define 'intelligence', 'attractiveness', and 'evolution'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, through my desire to be like others that I perceive as pioneers or prodigies in a certain area or study in life, not realize how within this 'desire', I have given away parts of myself, my trust, my integrity, my expression, my directive-principle, to others if I am not creating me in the image and likeness of that which I 'admire' in others that I would like to see in myself, and so not realize within this, that I cannot effectively build and contruct myself in a way that is practical and wholesome when it comes to living my utmost potential.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that having a faster response-time to another's question or statement deems oneself as 'intelligent' and 'cutting-edge', and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I do not have a fast response-time to a person's question or answer during communication with them, that that slower response-time defines me as more 'intellectualy slower' than the other individual and / or less 'cutting-edge' instead of realizing that what I am actually 'chasing', and wanting to define myself within is an image and likeness of an 'idea' that I created about what or how a person would express themselves as that has the ability to attract a collective amount of people in society (such as celebrities).
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the ability to attract a collective amount of people is the 'right' way to live: instead of realizing that this 'right' way is limited to how people react to each other, and trigger, through those reactions, a 'positive experience' that I see as a 'cross-reference' that I have said or 'done' the 'right thing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when people react to you 'positively', that you have done the 'right' thing which I believe that then be duplicated within other interactions with other people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my 'speech impediment' when communicating with others, and believe that if my response to another individual's statement or question has stuttering or stammering in it, that will automatically deem me as 'less intelligent than them, or less 'cutting edge', and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to stop stuttering from the starting-point of fearing to be defined as intellectually slow or less 'cutting edge'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate being 'more evolved' as being a 'prodigy' within having a type of 'superior intelligence' than most individuals, and attach a 'desire' to this association by desiring for many people to see me as 'special' for being a 'prodigy' (that is able to do something that most others cannot): instead of realizing how within this, is a point of 'competition' through me judging myself over the years as 'intellectually inferior' to others.
I see, realize, and understand that I have many emotions, feelings, and memories that become foundations of how I define my life and living in this world, and with me defining myself to these memories, they become like 'people' that are there to give me a 'good feeling' about myself, and so within my mind, I am in a sense, a prodigy that my memories 'feed' on in order for my memories to be and remain 'substantiated' within myself.
I see, realize, and understand within this, that there is no self-movement or self-direction on my end because what is 'directing' me is my very emotions, feelings, and memories which would be the same if I was a so-called 'prodigy' in the 'real world'. I see, realize, and understand that because one of my primary starting-points for wanting to be a 'prodigy' is to 'get attention' from others, I realize that this starting-point is the 'driving-force' that 'drives' and 'directs' me through my imaginations of being a 'prodigy' which, in that case, means that I am not 'here' stable and grounded in physical reality, but instead, am in my mind constantly and continuously reinforcing and contributing my relationship to the desire to be special within being a 'prodigy'.
So I commit myself to 'drive' me. I commit myself to take the 'steering wheel' of self-direction and direct myself out of 'desire' into self-movement by stopping participation in my emotions, feelings, and memories. I see, realize, and understand that my emotions and feelings are a part of me, but that they do not have to DIRECT me in my decision-makings, and in my physical existence.
No comments:
Post a Comment