Here in this blog, I am having a look at my relationship to stuttering. I realize that when I stumble over letters such as the letter 'G' or the letter 'P' (which are the most stumbled upon letters when I communicate to others), there is this self-judgment that emerges within myself wherein I judge my way of speaking words as not being spoken 'fast' enough when communicating to others. There is this idea that when a person's verbal expression, which is how a person communicates to others, is spoken in a quick manner -- then they have high intellect, and are more apathetic / impersonal to others which I define as a person that is 'cutting edge'.
So here is the fuzzy logic within how I define a cutting edge person. A cutting edge person would be a person that is in accord with the most fashionable ideas or styles within the media, and so a cutting edge person would represent a person that is effectively aligned to knowing how to represent and express themselves in the media which, in turn, would make them attractive to a diversity of people. Now if a cutting-edge person represents a person who knows how to represent and express themselves effectively within the media in such a way that they would attract a diversity of people, why would they be apathetic?
If I look at the word 'apathetic' in the dictionary, it means: "marked by a lack of interest"; so whenever I judge a person as being apathetic, what I am judging is their body language, and their physical appearance. An apathetic person would, for instance show little eye contact to another which would make them seem detached. They would exhibit slouched shoulders, for instance, a weak posture, walk with a sluggish drag, and seem disconnected from a discussion or an action they are involved in which would bring about the impression that they do not care or are concerned about the task at hand.
Within my mind, I associated this behavior to being 'cutting edge' because in my life, I associated this behavior to teenagers, and teenagers usually possess a 'personality' as if they have acquired the understanding about how to live in the world. And because teenagers are young, more 'energetic', go to school, are born in the information age, I judge them as being 'more effective' than their parents which makes them, in my mind, more 'cutting edge' (up-to-date in relation to technology and social ethics).
So when I interpret teenager's behaviors as being 'apathetic', what comes to mind is that they already know a lot about life in relation to how to live life, for instance, which will give them an apperance of an 'apathetic' behavior that I associated with being 'adept' in the world.
To me, being 'adept' means that one has transcended oneself in such a way that one does not 'react to' problems that emerges because one already knows how to direct oneself in relation to the problem at hand. And in my mind, I see that teenagers and young adults possess this point. So in the next blog, I will like to write some self-forgivenesses in relation to these points.