Here in this blog, I am continuing with the previous blog. In the previous blog, I mentioned how I judge a person that has the ability to communcate works quickly when communicating with other people as having high intelligence. I also associated a person of such nature as being apathetic and impersonal because usually when I see individuals of a leadership position, they are usually communicating with a mass amount of people. Because they are a leader, according to society, I associated this point of having to be 'impersonal' in front of a crowd as them tacitly saying to me that I have to develop a sense of self-sufficiency when it comes to relationships and money in order to become adept like they are -- as a pathway to becoming a 'leader'.
So this point of becoming self-sufficient in life is a way for me to compensate for my stutterng. Another point that I mentioned in the previous blog is how I judge teenagers as being 'naturally' 'more adept' than adults because of their 'youth' which I connected to 'vitality' -- as being able to effectively 'move around' in life, and also because of their 'energy' and 'health' which are general qualities of children and teenagers which can contribute to being able to effectively 'move around' in life (to reach goals and apsirations more effectively). Other qualities of teens would be them having to go to school to 'learn'. I associated 'learning' to developing knowledge and information on how to effectively live life to become an individual whom can represent the system and the media in such a way that the system and the media will 'benefit' from one's educational background. Another quality of a teenager would be a teenager being born in the 'information age' which will automatically place them on in a higher 'learning bracket' than adults because of the information that childen are surrounded with, and integrate faster than adults. So in my mind, all of these things contribute to becoming 'cutting edge' which is basically staying up-to-date with the latest knowledge and information in the media, with the latest 'fashion', with the latest social ethics, with the latest technology, etc.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people that can speak faster than others are more 'intelligent' and 'cutting edge' than others instead of realizing that within this belief is comparison: wherein I compared my way of speaking with another person's way of speaking, and not realize that there are many reasons why a person speaks the way that they do, and so I commit myself to, instead of forming a judgment over the way that someone speaks, I stop and breathe, and communicate with that person equal to how I would communicate with any other person because they are no better or than I am when it comes to having the ability to communicate because we are all communicating in some form or fashion regardless of whether the communication is spoke with words or not.
I commit myself to look at and investigate my own patterns that are the creation-points as to how I developed my own way of speaking, and change the way I speaking to speaking in such a way that what I speak will be spoken from a starting-point of stability, common-sense, self-direction, self-motivation, self-trust, self-honesty and self-will.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being 'cutting edge' means that you have to have the ability to speak rapidly instead of realizing that I can redefine myself within how I speak, live, and express myself in relation to being 'cutting edge' -- to grow in knowledge and information / education, and use my knowledge that I get from various sources to become a living example of change that can create and 'water' seeds that has the potential to 'grow' and become new ways of living in the system and in the media that was either never thought about, or thought about but 'forgotten', or thought about, but not 'watered' enough to become a 'foundation' that can bring about a change to the system / the media in a way that can benefit 'all' man.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be up-to-date with the latest knowledge and information when it comes to information technology: as a way to compensate for my self-judgment of myself, and my belief that I am intellectually 'slower' than others when I am communicating with others because of my speech impediment instead of realizing that within this, is a point of 'procrastination' where I procrastinated in my life, and blamed my 'speech impediment' for being the 'culprit' of the reason why I 'feel' as though I am 'intellectually slowers'.
I commit myself to be 'consistent' in my application and approach to that which I 'will' myself to do in life.
I commit myself to stick to that which I 'will' myself to do in life, and do that very thing to my 'utmost potential'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach an energy-experience of 'desire' to how I expanded the definition of being 'cutting edge' from being in accord with the most fashionable ideas or style to being in accord with the latest knowledge and information in relation to academics, film, television, sports, music, marketing, fashion, social ethics, technology, etc. instead of realizing how I am separating myself from others in my world through how I judge others as being 'better' than me because they 'attribute', in some form or fashion, an academic achievement, or knowledge in the field of information technology, or attribute in some form or fashion some social skills that I desire to have.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that with me reacting to others having 'attributes' that I 'desire', I am contributing to me perceiving myself as 1) being 'inferior' to the person that I define as 'better' than me and 2) never being able to have that ability or attribute that I see in another.
I commit myself to let go of the 'idea' that I am 'inferior' to another. I realize that this 'inferiority' is a 'reaction', and that to properly position myself as an 'equal' to that person, I have to let go of the reaction. I commit myself educate myself in the areas that I perceive I have a 'lack' of 'skill' in to become skillful in that area not from a starting-point of trying to be like that 'person', but from a starting-point of realizing that all that I have to do is 'move' myself in that particular area of knowledge or skill. I see, realize, and understand that all it takes is a self-movement -- a self-will which will equal, overtime -- based on one's consistency in application = a self-achievement.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as 'intellectually slower' than people who have the ability to speak rapidly in conversations, and instead of correcting my relationship to inferiority, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compensate my self-judgment of myself as being 'inferior' to being / becoming self-sufficient in areas within my life which brings about the senation / experience that I am / can be 'better' than others because I am 'self-sufficient' instead of realizing that this 'self-sufficiency' isn't mine, but belongs to my mind until I face the self-judgments within myself that contribute to 'skills' and 'abilities' that I created as 'opposite polarities' to that which I fear facing: as the self-judgments in relation to myself.
I commit myself to learn how to communicate effectively by having a look at what it takes, as a stutterer, to communicate in such a way that I do not judge myself when I communicate, and at the same time, in a way that the other individual (that I am communicating with) can understand what I am saying with clarity.
I commit myself to learn how to -- when and as I speaks words that have the letter 'B' and the letter 'P' in the beginning of the words, that I speak the words in such a way that they are spoken with clarity and with ease.
I see, realize, and understand that stuttering can be a 'gift'. I commit myself to when and as I stammer on words -- to see the level of stress that emerges within myself, and to when and as those stress-levels emerge, for instance, when and as parts of my body responds to me stuttering by becomng tense, I stop and breathe. I slow myself down; bring myself back here in physical reality; start over, and say the word again slower, and at the same time, be aware of my physical responses when and as I am communicating.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a leader as a person who is adept in the area of academics, film, television, sports, music, marketing, fashion, social ethics, technology, etc. instead of realizing that I can 'expand' the word 'leader' as a person who leads by 'example' -- as a person that has 'authority' over their own mind in not accepting and allowing one's 'mind' to be / become the 'authority' of oneself through participating in (emotional) reactions, but that 'leading' becomes defined as being able to not be / become 'influenced' by one's own thoughts, imaginations, emotions, feelings, etc.
I commit myself to 'lead by example' in being able to stand as an 'authority' of myself through not accepting and allowing my own thoughts, imaginations, emotions, feelings, etc. to 'influence' me, but that I 'become' the 'influence' in my world / reality as a way of 'redefining' self-sufficiency, and living that self-sufficiency through not depending on my mind: my emotions, my feelings, my thoughts, my reactions, my imaginations to be the decision-maker of my world / reality, but that I become the decision-maker of myself and express that within / as what it means to be a 'living example' in the world.