I then did some self-forgiveness for defining the word 'idea' within and through 'intepretation' as interpreting other's physical behavior based on my own 'emotional reactions' that I project onto the physical behavior of others.
Here in this blog, I'd like to continue with some self-forgivenesses for the last part of the mind-pattern which is the part of the mind pattern where I went into my mind and uttered internal dialogue that I suppressed so that I do not have to face the point externally through communication. I realize that the things that are suppressed are the points that are not actually faced, but are made invisible which is then compromised by particular behavior that is seemingly more 'appealing' to the person / people that are hearing the words that are being communicated. Although, the words may sound 'appealing', but are in-fact manipulative, and so the point of sarcasm -- I realize is a point in which I diminish myself into manipulating others with a behavior that is externally appealing while at the same time, suppressing my real-actual perspective / expression that I desire to express / communicate about.
So the statement that I made internally was, "Today will be a good day? Oh you think so?" based on what the person was communicating about which is that the day will be a good day. I, within myself, knew that if I was to place myself in the shoes of the individual stating that and accept or speak such a statement within myself, I would be manipulating myself within speaking such a statement that the day will be a 'good' day because I realize that it is a point where I am projecting myself into a future that doesn't exist yet through speaking such a statement, and I would be hoping that the events / situations that play-out within the day turn out 'good' or 'okay' based on how I 'react' to those events / situations. So with me uttering such an internal dialogue of, "Today will be a good day? Oh you think so?", is me reacting to that very statement that is coming forth from the individual that I am in communication with that is in a position of diminishment through the very statement that today will be a 'good' day.
So what do I do? I instead participate in behavior that is more 'appealing', and suppress my own awareness / directiveness of the point being made that today will be a 'good day' because of the belief that if I was to communicate to the individual my own realization about that statement -- the person will be / become disappointed or 'taken aback'.
So what do I do? I instead participate in behavior that is more 'appealing', and suppress my own awareness / directiveness of the point being made that today will be a 'good day' because of the belief that if I was to communicate to the individual my own realization about that statement -- the person will be / become disappointed or 'taken aback'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself through judging days within and of the week as 'good' or 'bad'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'hope' for a day to turn out 'good'.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how I put myself into a position of 'self-manipulation' when I 'hope' for things to happen because of how I tend to change my 'behavior' when that which I 'hoped' to happen either comes or does not come into manifestation.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that part of me 'hoping' for something to happen is me 'hoping' that my behavior will change from a neutral or negative emotion to a positive feeling, and so within that, not realize how I diminish myself to negative emotions and positive feelings because of the belief that I cannot change my own behavior(s), but that something else 'separate' from me has to change them.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that to when I DO direct my own mind / thoughts / reactions that contribute to my behavior -- then it is me moving and directing myself, and so thus, hope becomes unnecessary from the perspective of hope being defined as something separate from me that I expect or wish to manifest so that my mindset / behavior will change from a negative behavior to a positive behavior.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I am susceptible to emotional reactions -- I am, at the same time, I am placing myself into a position of 'self-manipulation' because I can easily make the decision to stop, breathe, and direct myself to not accept and allow me, as the mind, to become susceptible to emotions that lead me to 'hope' for change.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I am participating in 'hope' through hoping for something or someone else to change my 'mental state' from a neutral or negative behavior to a positive behavior -- I have, in that moment, allowed that something or someone to take responsibility for me to get me out of one mental state, and bring me into another mental state which I, within this, have become disempowered to that something or someone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to a 'mental state' -- regardless of whether that 'mental state' is negative or positive.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how mental states are the product of 'triggers' that happen in my daily life / living where I will come into contact with something or someone, and then depending on my relationship to that something or someone -- will change behaviors (mental states), and so within this, not realize how 'mental states' are actually erratic and cannot be trusted to build a stable foundation of 'character' and 'integrity'.
I commit myself to redefine 'hope'. I see, realize, and understand that when and as I 'hope' for things to happen, there is an expectation or a 'wish' for that very thing to manifest which, thus, creates a fear within myself of becoming 'negative' (such as becoming sad or angry) if the thing that I am hoping for doesn't manifest. I commit myself to -- instead of looking forward to the probable occurrence of someone or something to manifest to, instead, create myself in such a way that I contribute to that which I am hoping for -- which will, thus, shift me from only being in a position of being a 'product' of hope to an 'initiator' / 'contributor' of the 'future' in how I want the future to manifest through that which I make a decision to do now, and contribute to that decision through my doingness.
I commit myself to, instead of hoping that the day will be a 'good' day -- to see the things that happen throughout the day as a 'gift' to, instead of going into emotional reactions to the things that happen during the day to, instead, empower myself by practicing being 'stable' as 'breath' where I focus on my breath / breathing as a way of grounding myself in physical reality of which I, within this, am using me being aware of my breath / breathing as a way of short-circuiting the emotions and feelings that I experience within myself -- not realizing, within this, how me being able to do this means that I do have the ability to be stable, and that that which comes up from within me as emotions and feelings do not have to define me.
I see, realize, and understand that self-forgiveness is a tool that I can use as a way of telling and showing to myself through physical doingness that I can release myself from this particular emotion or a feeling.
When and as using my breath / breathing as a way of 'short-circuiting' my emotions and feelings -- I commit myself to be also aware of the type of emotion / feeling that is manifesting in the moment of me directing it so that I can effectively use self-forgiveness as a way of releasing myself from how I defined myself within my life in relation to the particular emotional / feeling behavior.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself, use 'sarcasm' to compensate for that which I suppressed, and internalize the 'sarcastic' behavior within myself, and then compensate that by manipulating my words and behavior in such a way that they look and sound appealing to the person that I am in communication with which will, at the same time, give me a 'positive experience' to create a 'balance' within myself so that I do not stay in a negative polarity of 'suppression' and 'sarcasm'.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how I, within my sarcasm, am actually manipulating the other individual because of how I manipulated my own self because of the fear being self-honest in my daily life / living.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I am actually self-honest in my daily life / living -- that there will be no need to suppress my real-actual perspective on points that can be communicated about in such a way that they can bring clarity and understanding when communicating to another.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, instead of bringing clarity and understanding in communciation with another individual to, instead, exist within sarcasm: from the perspective of sarcastically agreeing with what the other individual is saying, but within that, hiding the sarcasm to the point that they don't even notice that I am being sarcastic, and so as a result, the words that I am speaking appear to have an appealing expression to them as a way of pleasing the person that I am communicating with.
I see, realize, and understand that sarcasm is a way for me to 'feel good' about that which i suppressed within myself -- as a way of generating a positive experience within myself so that I do not have to face what I 'suppressed', but rather, justify what I suppressed through sarcasm.
I commit myself to create myself when communicating with others. I see, realize, and understand that I am actually being created when I am either suppressing myself during communication or reacting to the person's words and behaviors from a starting-point of trying to please the other indivdual through those reactions (such as smiling or laughing back). I commit myself to create myself by directing my words and behavior within communication instead of allowing my words to be directed by energy (emotions and feelings). For example, when I make a decision to end the communication -- instead of remaining in communication with the other individual to try to please them, to let them know that I will be leaving now, and to be clear and concise about it so they will be able to acknowledge it.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how I put myself into a position of 'self-manipulation' when I 'hope' for things to happen because of how I tend to change my 'behavior' when that which I 'hoped' to happen either comes or does not come into manifestation.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that part of me 'hoping' for something to happen is me 'hoping' that my behavior will change from a neutral or negative emotion to a positive feeling, and so within that, not realize how I diminish myself to negative emotions and positive feelings because of the belief that I cannot change my own behavior(s), but that something else 'separate' from me has to change them.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that to when I DO direct my own mind / thoughts / reactions that contribute to my behavior -- then it is me moving and directing myself, and so thus, hope becomes unnecessary from the perspective of hope being defined as something separate from me that I expect or wish to manifest so that my mindset / behavior will change from a negative behavior to a positive behavior.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I am susceptible to emotional reactions -- I am, at the same time, I am placing myself into a position of 'self-manipulation' because I can easily make the decision to stop, breathe, and direct myself to not accept and allow me, as the mind, to become susceptible to emotions that lead me to 'hope' for change.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I am participating in 'hope' through hoping for something or someone else to change my 'mental state' from a neutral or negative behavior to a positive behavior -- I have, in that moment, allowed that something or someone to take responsibility for me to get me out of one mental state, and bring me into another mental state which I, within this, have become disempowered to that something or someone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to a 'mental state' -- regardless of whether that 'mental state' is negative or positive.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how mental states are the product of 'triggers' that happen in my daily life / living where I will come into contact with something or someone, and then depending on my relationship to that something or someone -- will change behaviors (mental states), and so within this, not realize how 'mental states' are actually erratic and cannot be trusted to build a stable foundation of 'character' and 'integrity'.
I commit myself to redefine 'hope'. I see, realize, and understand that when and as I 'hope' for things to happen, there is an expectation or a 'wish' for that very thing to manifest which, thus, creates a fear within myself of becoming 'negative' (such as becoming sad or angry) if the thing that I am hoping for doesn't manifest. I commit myself to -- instead of looking forward to the probable occurrence of someone or something to manifest to, instead, create myself in such a way that I contribute to that which I am hoping for -- which will, thus, shift me from only being in a position of being a 'product' of hope to an 'initiator' / 'contributor' of the 'future' in how I want the future to manifest through that which I make a decision to do now, and contribute to that decision through my doingness.
I commit myself to, instead of hoping that the day will be a 'good' day -- to see the things that happen throughout the day as a 'gift' to, instead of going into emotional reactions to the things that happen during the day to, instead, empower myself by practicing being 'stable' as 'breath' where I focus on my breath / breathing as a way of grounding myself in physical reality of which I, within this, am using me being aware of my breath / breathing as a way of short-circuiting the emotions and feelings that I experience within myself -- not realizing, within this, how me being able to do this means that I do have the ability to be stable, and that that which comes up from within me as emotions and feelings do not have to define me.
I see, realize, and understand that self-forgiveness is a tool that I can use as a way of telling and showing to myself through physical doingness that I can release myself from this particular emotion or a feeling.
When and as using my breath / breathing as a way of 'short-circuiting' my emotions and feelings -- I commit myself to be also aware of the type of emotion / feeling that is manifesting in the moment of me directing it so that I can effectively use self-forgiveness as a way of releasing myself from how I defined myself within my life in relation to the particular emotional / feeling behavior.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself, use 'sarcasm' to compensate for that which I suppressed, and internalize the 'sarcastic' behavior within myself, and then compensate that by manipulating my words and behavior in such a way that they look and sound appealing to the person that I am in communication with which will, at the same time, give me a 'positive experience' to create a 'balance' within myself so that I do not stay in a negative polarity of 'suppression' and 'sarcasm'.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how I, within my sarcasm, am actually manipulating the other individual because of how I manipulated my own self because of the fear being self-honest in my daily life / living.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I am actually self-honest in my daily life / living -- that there will be no need to suppress my real-actual perspective on points that can be communicated about in such a way that they can bring clarity and understanding when communicating to another.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, instead of bringing clarity and understanding in communciation with another individual to, instead, exist within sarcasm: from the perspective of sarcastically agreeing with what the other individual is saying, but within that, hiding the sarcasm to the point that they don't even notice that I am being sarcastic, and so as a result, the words that I am speaking appear to have an appealing expression to them as a way of pleasing the person that I am communicating with.
I see, realize, and understand that sarcasm is a way for me to 'feel good' about that which i suppressed within myself -- as a way of generating a positive experience within myself so that I do not have to face what I 'suppressed', but rather, justify what I suppressed through sarcasm.
I commit myself to create myself when communicating with others. I see, realize, and understand that I am actually being created when I am either suppressing myself during communication or reacting to the person's words and behaviors from a starting-point of trying to please the other indivdual through those reactions (such as smiling or laughing back). I commit myself to create myself by directing my words and behavior within communication instead of allowing my words to be directed by energy (emotions and feelings). For example, when I make a decision to end the communication -- instead of remaining in communication with the other individual to try to please them, to let them know that I will be leaving now, and to be clear and concise about it so they will be able to acknowledge it.
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