In this blog, I will continue with the mind-pattern that I wrote in the previous blogs -- continuing with the phrase "I hope I that "Hey!" sounded convincing to you....". To have context of the entire mind-pattern, I have written the mind pattern below once again:
- In my mind, I am saying to myself: "Let me go over there where you are so you won't think that I'm ignoring you."
- And then out-loud, I say to the person, "Hey!", with a smile on my face.
- In my mind, I am saying to myself while facing the person: "I hope I that "Hey!" sounded convincing to you...."
- The person is talking about today is going to be a good day. In my mind, I say to myself: "Today will be a good day? Oh you think so?"
A mind-pattern is basically like a snap-shot of particular words, behaviors, and reactions that self expressed within a particular moment, and then investigating that mind-pattern to find / understand the starting-point for existing within, and expressing such a pattern that self believed self to be in / as the moment of expressing it.
So I see, realize, and understand that within the mind pattern: "I hope I that "Hey!" sounded convincing to you...." is a point where I am attempting to / trying to 'adjust' my behavior to 'fit' exactly how I believe the other individual would respond to me within wanting / desiring them to respond to me 'positively'. In this, I see, realize, and understand how I am using my own ideas about how I believe that the other person would respond to me mainly through my own knowing / knowledge / experience / awareness of how I would respond if I place myself in their shoes.
So this, placing-yourself-in-the-shoes-of-another, become ideas -- and the ideas become diminished within only being expressed from the starting-point of 'interpretation' within interpreting someone else's behavior by observing how I would 'react' if I was 'in their shoes' / living their life. So it is a point where placing myself in the 'shoes' of another is something that is contingent on 'emotional reaction', and so 'emotional reacton' becomes the 'engine' that is used to 'drive' ideas -- as ideas become used in the form of self-sabotage.
So here in this blog, and continuing in the next blog, I would like to write some self-forgivenesses in relation to how I project my own (emotional) reactions to / towards someone else, and use those emotional reactions to create ideas within my mind about someone when not realizing that that which I create as 'ideas' are actually me projecting myself to others, and within that -- not changing, but actually validating my (emotional) reactions, and remaining disempowered to them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself in the 'shoes' of another within the context of using emotional reactions as how I reacted to others in the past -- into the form of 'ideas' where I 'project' these ideas that I created about others that I had in the past (depending on how I judged their reactions to me) -- onto the people in the 'present' that I am in communication with, and believe that they are reacting or expressing themselves in the same way, or a similar matter based on how I perceive / judge their words / behavior, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use these 'ideas' to go into / express the same 'reactions' that I expressed in the 'past', and so within that -- not 'create' myself in / as the moment 'here', but use a 'previous moment' in the past to build / construct my actions / reactions in the 'present'.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to 'trust' myself -- to 'move' / 'direct' myself in the 'present', but to instead, go into the 'past' and copy / duplicate a 'behavior' in the past to create and construct how I will act / react in the 'present' to / towards something or someone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself when communicating to others by waiting on their response / reaction to me in order to formulate a response / reaction within myself that aligns to their response / reaction in such a way for them to be 'pleased' with me / my words as a form of 'validation' instead of communicating from the starting-point of self-honesty -- which is being 'honest' with myself and how my words are being used within communication.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that how I use my words in communication is how I express myself in communication, and so not realizing that when and as I express the need for 'validation' -- I am expressing myself to another within and as the form of self-diminishment, and so I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to 'change' within that through redefining myself in relation to the word 'validation', but to instead -- use the word 'validation' in / as the form of an 'emotional reaction' instead of in and as a way that it can be used to expess 'stability' and 'self-trust' within and as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself within and through communication and interaction with others for so long through me wanting / needing 'validation' from others -- that the need for 'validation' becomes something that I 'expect' others to 'give me' that I define as a form of 'respect'.
I commit myself to redefine the word 'respect'. I see, realize, and understand the dictionary defines 'respect' as the condition of being honored (esteemed, respected or well regarded). I see, realize, and understand over my life how I have defined myself within and through my emotional behavior / reactions, and how I within this, look for 'respect' from others to give me validation of who I am in relation to my emotions / feelings / reactions that I use to create my identity to the world / others. So I see, realize, and understand how I have created my 'identity' contingent on my emotional and feeling behavior over the course of my life.
I commit myself to define 'respect' as 'self-respect' by showing regards to myself to walk / live / express the point of self-responsibility and integrity.
I commit myself to define integrity within and as 'wholeness'.
I commit myself to define 'wholeness' as me being 'here' interacting with and as physical reality.
I see, realize, and understand, that in order to be 'whole', I have to be 'here', and that if I am participating in emotional / feeling behavior, I cannot be 'fully here' because part of myself is being used to express emotional / feeling behavior within and as my mind rather than here within and as physical reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself within and through communication and interaction with others for so long through me wanting / needing 'validation' from others -- that the need for 'validation' becomes something that gives me a sense of 'pleasure' that I define as the 'beauty' that makes relationships what they are.
I commit myself to redefine the word 'beauty', and live the redefined meaning. I see, realize, and understand that the dictionary defines the word 'beauty' as the qualities that give pleasure to the senses. I commit myself to be / become that 'quality' in such a way that I am able to 'gift' myself the word 'pleasure' through and as every moment by seeing how I can 'contribute' myself to be / become a living expression of each and ever moment. I see, realize, and understand that to be / become a living expression of each and every moment -- that I have to actually live words instead of accepting and allowing words to direct / influence me through emotional reactions, and I see, realize, and understand that this takes 'integrity' because if part of myself is being expressed through 'emotional reactions', then I cannot be fully here, grounded, interacting, and moving with physical reality.
So I commit myself to live words such as the word emotional RE-ACTION as 'RE-sponsible ACTION' by taking ACTION to bring myself out of the emotional action into living action.
I commit myself to live the word ACTION as acting within the principle of 'integrity' / wholeness / self-trust.
I commit myself to live the word 'trust' as trusting myself to move and direct myself in the physical. I see, realize, and understand that when I am emotional reacting to something / someone -- that I am not living the word 'trust' because my trust has been given to my 'mind' to move and direct me instead of me moving and directing me as the creator of my reality.
I commit myself to redefine the word 'idea' as a content of cognition that is used to formulate solutions rather than intepretations. So I see, realize, and understand that when and as I express ideas, that those ideas can be used to give / provide solutions to problems when and as placing myself in / as the shoes of another.
I will continue in the next blog....
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