Day 5: Excitement SF | 21-Day Mind-Investigation on Words and Behavior

Here in this blog, I am continuing with Day 4: Sarcasm SF | 21-Day Mind-Investigation on Words and Behavior. In the previous blog, I looked at the mind-pattern:

In my mind, I am saying to myself: "Let me go over there where you are so you won't think that I'm ignoring you."
And then out-loud, I say to the person, "Hey!", with a smile on my face.
In my mind, I am saying to myself while facing the person: "I hope I that "Hey!" sounded convincing to you...."
The person is talking about today will be a good day according to their idea of what a 'good day' is. In my mind, I say to myself: "Today is going to be a good day? Oh you think so?"

I realized how the phrase, "But let me go over there where you are anyway so you won't think that I'm ignoring you.", is a phrase of manipulating myself to communicate with someone else because of an initial resistance to communicate because of the notion that I have to 'please' the individual that I am communicating with to have an effective communication with them. But what I didn't realize is how this resistance of communicating with others because of not wanting to 'please' them stems from how I defined 'communication' as the belief that I need to please the other individual that I am communicating with in order to have an effective conversation with them. So in the previous blog, I redefined 'communication' to communicating with another from the starting-point of directing my words that I speak and my actions that I express instead of molding and shaping my words and behavior to be aligned to how the other person expresses their words and behavior. Within and as aligning my words and behavior to be aligned to how the other person expresses their words and behavior -- here we have a communication that is now 'in sync' that creates a sense of 'enjoying' the communication. But within this enjoyment, there is no self-expression because one's words and behavior are being directed by the other's words and behavior.

So directing my communcation would mean basically to direct words meaning that in order to direct words, I first how to create myself to and as the words that are being communicated. So I redefined the word 'creator' as a person who sees words, sees the solution as how to live the word as SELF within and as how words are being expressed, and lives it (which is the solution) in communication such as the word living the word 'happy' for instance by expressing self AS the word 'happiness'. In this way, there is no need / necessity to be stimulated by the word 'happy' through another's words and actions because one is expressing / living the word happiness AS SELF through and as making the decision to express the word 'happy' in and as communication with another.

So in this blog, I would like to continue with the previous blog by starting off with how I changed personalities from the phrase, "But let me go over there where you are anyway so you won't think that I'm ignoring you." to saying "Hey!" to the individual that I am communicating with -- with a change in behavior by putting a smile on my face. I can see how this is, in-fact, manipulation of my words and behavior which means that I am not standing as an 'equal' to and as the person that I am communicating with, to and as the words that are expressed nor my own behavior or the behavior of the other, in-fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself by changing my behavior out of fear of not pleasing the individual that I am communicating with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use a 'smile' to represent an illusion of / as 'excitement' to / towards another individual to make it seem as though I am 'excited' to see / hear from them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself define 'excitement' as the desire to communicate / interact with others based on the starting-point of wanting to experience 'pleasure' through being 'stimulated' by the words / actions of the individual that I am communicating with.

I commit myself to redefine the word 'excitement' as the state of being 'here' and 'aware' in and as the 'physical' -- as a 'physical arousal' through and as being aware of one's physical and behavioral changes that happens in / as each moment such as one's changes in one's breathing patterns (from in-breath to out-breath for example). I see, realize, and understand that when and as I am here in the 'present', and aware of who I am in and as the present -- that I can 'detect changes' within myself such as changes that happens when and as I become stimulated by something or someone, and within that moment, be able to correct my relationship to that which stimulated me so that I do not have to go into an 'experience' of 'excitement' that did not come 'directly' from my own expression.

In the next blog, I will continue with the phrase "I hope I that "Hey!" sounded convincing to you...." by having a look at how this statement is actually a statement of fear made in / as a 'sarcastic' manner'.