21-Day Mind Investigation on Sugar: Feeling Valuable, Special, and Worthless | Day 8

Here in this blog, I am continuing with the blog: 21-Day Mind Investigation on Sugar: What is Taste All About? | Day 7. I left off writing some self-forgivenesses about how I connected the Quest Protein Bar to the chemical element gold. Gold, to me, has been an element that is 'valuable' in my eyes because of my belief that it is a 'rare' element. Although it may or may not be 'rare' statistically speaking, I don't have proof of the fact that it is or is not, and so thus, it becomes a belief within my mind because I did not investigate / research for myself if it is actually a rare element or not. And so since I placed value on the chemical element 'gold', I realize how I created the belief that I am separate from all of the things that I place value on, thus, making me 'inferior' to that something or someone when in-fact not realizing that I am made of the same substance of gold itself which comes from the Earth called MATTER. And so here I would like to continue with some self-forgivenesses for believing that I am 'separate' from the chemical element 'gold', and making it 'more superior' than myself. I would also like to write some self-forgivenesses in relation to how I use the faculty of 'taste' to suppress my relationship to 'depression' so that what exists externally is an 'appearance' of happiness that I use to suppress my internal experience, within my mind, of depression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am separate from the chemical element 'gold, and so within this, judge gold as being a 'valuable' element.

I see, realize, and understand that that which I judge as 'valuable' is because I created a relationship of 'value' and 'worthlessness' within myself meaning that somewhere within myself, I defined myself as being 'valuable' or 'special' to something or someone within my life, and 'worthless' to something or someone in other areas of my life.

I commit myself to stop giving in to the fact that something or someone is more valuable or 'special' than me or is less valuable than me or 'less special'.

I see, realize, and understand that part of the reason why I see myself as 'worthless' is because of my biological dad not being there with and for me as a father-figure when I was young.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as 'worthless' because of my biological dad not being there with and for me as a father-figure when I was young.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how this is me blaming my biological father within how I see / define myself as 'worthless' because of my biological dad not being there with and for me as a father-figure when I was young.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I need some 'emotional encouragement' from someone else -- that I will perceive them as being there FOR me, and within this, not realize how this desire for them to be there FOR me is a point of self-diminishment within the belief that my emotions and feelings make me who I am.

I see, realize, and understand that when I define myself as 'worthless' in relation to something or someone else, that I will also validate all of the memories that are connected to it, such as the memory of me believing that I am 'worthless' because of my biological dad not being there with and for me as a father-figure when I was young.

I commit myself to, instead of depending on others to be there for me, I commit myself to be there for myself within becoming aware of the 'desires' within myself of the reason why I need others to be there for me, and to realize that I am being 'directed' by these desires through participating in emotional and feeling behavior to / towards that individual.

I see, realize, and understand that to be there for myself is me becoming aware of the reason(s) why I behave and act the way that I behave and act around others, and to adjust my relationship to the other individual to not be the 'effect' of these behaviors, but rather, the 'cause' through directing myself in relation to others and finding that 'stability' and self-trust within myself where I am no longer 'reacting' to other's words and behaviors.

I see, realize, and understand that when I accept and allow myself to be defined by memories within myself -- that those memories that are connected to my emotional reactions to / towards something or someone ARE my 'mother' and 'father' because I allow my memories to direct me and my life instead of ME directing ME in every moment of breath.

I commit myself to DIRECT ME in every moment of breath.

I commit myself to trust myself to MOVE and DIRECT myself, and to stop trusting in my emotions and feelings that I allow to move and direct me because I realize that when I allow emotions and feelings to move and direct me -- that I become disempowered within my participation with others through emotional and feeling behavior.

I commit myself to, when and as I have the tendency to want to go into an emotional reaction, I stop and breathe. I look at the memories that I connected to the particular emotion or feeling, and within that, look at where I am diminishing myself in relation to the memory. For instance, I see, realize, and understand that I diminish myself when I perceive myself as 'worthless' to something or someone else because of how I blamed biological father for not being there with and for me when I was young. I see, realize, and understand that the point of diminishment within this memory is believing that I need someone else to validate me.

Thus, I see, realize, and understand that I will look for that validation within my life because of the belief that my father did not validate me as a 'worthy-enough' son, and thus, will create relationships to others so that they can validate me and I can validate them which keeps my relationship to my memory of me feeling 'worthless' because my father was not 'there' with and for me when I was young -- in-tact.

And so I commit myself to stop existing within a starting-point of developing relationships with others to be validated and to validate them.

I commit myself to, instead of looking for validation -- see how I can interact with others in a way that the communication is, rather, self-honest and straightforward instead of communicating with others from a starting-point of making them 'feel good' or looking for a 'good feeling' within myself.

I will, in the next blog, continue with self-forgivenesses on my relationship to depression within how I use the faculty of 'taste' to suppress my relationship to 'depression' so that what exists externally is an 'appearance' of happiness that I use to suppress my internal experience, within my mind, of depression.