I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the 'Quest' Bar primarily to satisfy my tongue in order to get myself out of a mode of depression into an illusion of 'happiness instead of facing this relationship to depression within myself where I find the origin-point of my state of depression so that I know what is it within myself that is causing my depression-experience.
I see, realize, and understand that when there is a 'feeling' that is connected to 'happiness' -- that this 'feeling' of happiness cannot be 'trustworthy' because that which is 'giving me this feeling' is that which is creating my definition of happiness FOR ME instead of me living the word 'happiness' within and as my own self-expression.
I commit myself to investigate my definition of 'happiness' by first, dropping the 'feeling' that is connected to 'happiness' so that I can clearly see who I am in relationship to the word 'happiness'.
I commit myself to redefine the word happiness from 'happiness' only existing as "a state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy" -- to a state of well-being that is characterized by me knowing who, what, and where I am in relation to physical reality in each and every moment through me seeing, realizing, and understanding my starting-point for what I am doing in each and every moment, and why I am doing it as a way of correcting who I am in every moment from being 'reactive' to being 'progressive' in my expression.
I commit myself to redefine the word 'happiness' as a 'self-expression' rather than something that happens TO ME through a 'feeling'.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how the depression-experience that I hold on to within myself is me resisting to be self-honest and me deliberately being self-dishonest so that I do not have to face myself because within not facing myself, I can create the 'illusion' of happiness which is connected to a 'feeling' within myself.
I see, realize, and understand that when I hold on to a negative-experience within myself, that it can be a point of 'resistance' (resisting something that I do not want to face), so I commit myself to when I am holding on to negative experiences, such as anger, sadness, depression, etc. to be self-honest, and check to see if there are any resistances that I am creating within myself that I do not want to face, and instead of resisting it, to face it, which is a point of self-correction so that I do not have to hold on to the resistance any longer.
I see, realize, and understand that when I hold on to a negative-experience within myself, that it can be a point of 'resistance' (resisting something that I do not want to face), so I commit myself to when I am holding on to negative experiences, such as anger, sadness, depression, etc. to be self-honest, and check to see if there are any resistances that I am creating within myself that I do not want to face, and instead of resisting it, to face it, which is a point of self-correction so that I do not have to hold on to the resistance any longer.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit 'happiness' to a 'feeling' within myself and not realize, within this, how I am not really experiencing 'happiness', but experiencing the 'feeling' that I am labeling as 'happiness'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'happiness' is an OFF / ON experience through me believing that I can only experience it 'sometimes' when I 'feel' the 'feeling' of happiness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a 'slave' to feelings.
In the following self-forgivenesses, I want to have a look at my memories, and the earliest times within my life where I became 'depressed' because I realize how I, within my life, use memories as a form of cross-referencing who I was in the 'past' that I, thus, react to within the 'present' because of how I, within my life, use my memories as a platform for all of my behaviors and my general self-definition of who I am.
In the following self-forgivenesses, I want to have a look at my memories, and the earliest times within my life where I became 'depressed' because I realize how I, within my life, use memories as a form of cross-referencing who I was in the 'past' that I, thus, react to within the 'present' because of how I, within my life, use my memories as a platform for all of my behaviors and my general self-definition of who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I came from another life before I was born when I was a toddler, and within that lifetime, believe that I had access to interact with physical reality in multi-dimensional ways -- such as being able to see things multi-dimensionally (such as being able to see demons), and being able to communicate with 'nature' -- and so within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect this to 'happiness', and connect this lifetime that I am currently living to 'depression' because of the belief that I lost all of my multi-dimensional access that I believe that I had within a past life, and so within this, use feelings that I define as 'happiness', 'pleasure', 'elation', 'joy', 'love', etc. within this lifetime to compensate for that which I believe that I 'lost' within this lifetime.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that, in that past life, I had a family that had strong relational ties with each other, from the perspective of having a family that watched out for each other, and that supported themselves to grow and become effective in the world in multi-dimensional ways: such as through intelligence, awareness, stability, etc., and so within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project this definition of family to the memory of my grandmother when she was eating cinnamon rolls with cheese because of how this memory stands out within my present lifetime when I go back to that experience within my mind.
Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect this moment of my grandmother eating a cinnamon roll with cheese to me believing that I had a family in a past life who had strong relational ties with each other based on how I connected the experience of 'happiness', 'pleasure', 'elation', 'joy', 'love', etc. within both of these memories that I 'carry' with me within my present reality as a 'symbol' of what I believe family stands for.
Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that getting together with 'family' is a 'symbol' of 'happiness', 'pleasure', 'elation', 'joy', 'love', etc. instead of realizing how I use the people that are part of my family to experience 'happiness', 'pleasure', 'elation', 'joy', 'love' because of the belief that I cannot give that 'happiness', 'pleasure', 'elation', 'joy', 'love', etc. to myself, and so within this -- when I am away from family, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become more 'depressed' because of me not being able to reference or connect 'memories' that I use within my mind to physical objects (such as tasty food) and people (such as family).
I see, realize, and understand that the experience of 'depression' is an experience that I have, over and over again, validate as 'real' within my life because of how I validate particular things that I've done in the past and my experiences thereof -- as real, and thus, I see, realize, and understand that I actually 'train' myself to be / become a 'victim' of my past through me reacting to and participating in emotions and feelings which are 'products' of the 'past'. Thus, I commit myself to when and as an emotion or a feeling comes up from within myself -- instead of participating in them, I stop and breathe and speak a quick self-forgiveness statement out-loud as a way of declaring to myself that I will not accept and allow myself to be a victim of my past any longer, but that I am 'stepping out' of the past into present physical reality where I can 'get to know' me for real.
I see, realize, and understand that I've never actually lived in physical reality with awareness if I am constantly going into my mind to search for memories that I can 'react' to.
I commit myself to, instead of 'going somewhere within my mind to look for memories to react to -- to practice being 'aware' of what I am doing and where I am going through practicing voicing aloud what I am actually doing in the particular moment as a point of cross-referencing to myself that I am actually 'here' with and within physical reality, and not in my mind seeking and searching for an emotional experience that I 'super-impose' onto physical reality.
I see, realize, and understand that when I participate in emotional and feeling behavior -- that I 'superimpose' my emotions onto physical reality, and thus, I will either have 'good feelings' that I will project into physical reality or have 'bad feelings' that I will project into physical reality which will make physical reality appear 'better' or 'worse'.
I see, realize, and understand that physical reality isn't defined by an emotional experience, but it is me that super-imposed an emotional experience onto physical reality, and within this, will believe that that emotional experience that I am creating within myself is coming from 'somewhere else' within physical reality which becomes my 'basis' for creating friendships / relationships with others based on how I projected my own emotional / feeling behavior onto other physical bodies.
I see, realize, and understand that when I project my own emotional / feeling behavior onto other physical bodies -- that I will see them as either being 'special' or 'not special'. I commit myself to when and as there is an emotion or a feeling that is emerging from within myself when I look at another physical body, I stop and breath. I ask myself what does this person reminds me of? I commit myself to find the memories within myself that relates to the particular emotion or a feeling. I commit myself to change my relationship to the memory from being 'reactive' to actually correcting my relationship to the memory within seeing, realizing, and understanding that I am not defined by the memory, and within correcting my relationship to the memory, I commit myself to use that correction-point in all of the same / similar situations / events / circumstances where the same / similar memory emerges from within myself.
I see, realize, and understand that the experience of 'depression' is an experience that I have, over and over again, validate as 'real' within my life because of how I validate particular things that I've done in the past and my experiences thereof -- as real, and thus, I see, realize, and understand that I actually 'train' myself to be / become a 'victim' of my past through me reacting to and participating in emotions and feelings which are 'products' of the 'past'. Thus, I commit myself to when and as an emotion or a feeling comes up from within myself -- instead of participating in them, I stop and breathe and speak a quick self-forgiveness statement out-loud as a way of declaring to myself that I will not accept and allow myself to be a victim of my past any longer, but that I am 'stepping out' of the past into present physical reality where I can 'get to know' me for real.
I see, realize, and understand that I've never actually lived in physical reality with awareness if I am constantly going into my mind to search for memories that I can 'react' to.
I commit myself to, instead of 'going somewhere within my mind to look for memories to react to -- to practice being 'aware' of what I am doing and where I am going through practicing voicing aloud what I am actually doing in the particular moment as a point of cross-referencing to myself that I am actually 'here' with and within physical reality, and not in my mind seeking and searching for an emotional experience that I 'super-impose' onto physical reality.
I see, realize, and understand that when I participate in emotional and feeling behavior -- that I 'superimpose' my emotions onto physical reality, and thus, I will either have 'good feelings' that I will project into physical reality or have 'bad feelings' that I will project into physical reality which will make physical reality appear 'better' or 'worse'.
I see, realize, and understand that physical reality isn't defined by an emotional experience, but it is me that super-imposed an emotional experience onto physical reality, and within this, will believe that that emotional experience that I am creating within myself is coming from 'somewhere else' within physical reality which becomes my 'basis' for creating friendships / relationships with others based on how I projected my own emotional / feeling behavior onto other physical bodies.
I see, realize, and understand that when I project my own emotional / feeling behavior onto other physical bodies -- that I will see them as either being 'special' or 'not special'. I commit myself to when and as there is an emotion or a feeling that is emerging from within myself when I look at another physical body, I stop and breath. I ask myself what does this person reminds me of? I commit myself to find the memories within myself that relates to the particular emotion or a feeling. I commit myself to change my relationship to the memory from being 'reactive' to actually correcting my relationship to the memory within seeing, realizing, and understanding that I am not defined by the memory, and within correcting my relationship to the memory, I commit myself to use that correction-point in all of the same / similar situations / events / circumstances where the same / similar memory emerges from within myself.
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