21-Day Mind Investigation on Sugar: Taste as a Reward SF | Day 15

Here in this blog, I am continuing with 21-Day Mind Investigation on Sugar: Taste as a Reward SF | Day 14. In the previous blog, my self-forgivenesses were focused more on my experience with receiving a reward when I was at a school spelling bee competition. In this blog, I'd like to now write some self-forgivenesses in relation how, for instance, when I won the spelling bee I became happy, and when I received the school spelling bee trophy, I became 'happier'. I realized in the previous blog, how this is the same with eating food. It's like saying that when we eat food, we should 'feel' something 'emotionally' in relation to the food and in relation to ourselves depending on the taste of the food. For instance, if the taste of the food is seen or judged as being 'bland', then we should feel 'less happy'. And if the taste of the food is seen or judged as being sweet, then we should feel 'happy' or 'happier' because of how sweet foods tends to generally activate more of the 'happiness experience'. And because a meal is experienced as being 'less sweet', the following meal, which is the dessert that is sweet, should make us 'feel happier' because of it being seen or defined as a 'reward' based on the taste. So it is as though 'taste' has been connected to 'feelings'.

So here I will write some self-forgivenesses in relation to this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should ‘feel’ something ‘emotionally’ to the food that I eat – depending on the taste of it.

For instance, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I judge the food that I am eating as 'bland', fear that I will feel 'less happy' because of my 'experience' with foods that I judge as 'bland' as not being 'tastefully pleasing'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect foods that I define as 'tastefully pleasing' to the word 'happy'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect foods that I define as 'tastefully pleasing' to the word 'fun'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect foods that I define as 'tastefully pleasing' to the word 'joy'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect foods that I define as 'tastefully pleasing' to the word 'fulfillment' because of my experience to eating foods that I define as 'tastefully pleasing' as being 'fulfilling'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a resistance within a memory of me eating cream of wheat because of how I judged the taste of the cream of wheat as being 'bland' and the texture as 'gummy', and so within this, put sausage and bacon into my cream of wheat so that it will become more 'tastefully pleasing' to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not question the feeling of happiness that I experience when I eat foods that are sweet because of how I experience foods that are sweet as being 'tastefully pleasing'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect foods that I define as 'tastefully pleasing' to the word 'happiness'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the cinnamon roll, as being tastefully pleasing, to the memory of my grandmother eating cinnamon rolls with cheese, and experience myself when remembering these moments -- to 'happiness' because of how I was more 'communicative' and 'interactive' with my grandmother in those times and because of how I created a 'sense of loss' within my mind of not having those 'communicative' and 'interactive' moments anymore.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to investigate for myself what those experiences were within my mind that created my experience to my grandmother that I interpret as me being 'more communicative' and 'interactive' to her -- not realizing that what contributed to my experience to my grandmother as me being more 'communicative' and 'interactive' is my experience of myself in those times as not having to worry about money, not having to worry about bills, being ignorant and naive about what's really going on in the world, and being ignorant and naive about what 'responsibility' and integrity really means.

And so within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, because of connecting the cinnamon roll to those moments of me interacting with my grandmother at a young age -- activate an experience of happiness within myself when I eat cinnamon rolls because of how I connected the 'taste' of cinnamon rolls to the memories of me interacting with my grandmother.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from 'happiness' and only become or experience 'happiness' when I remember something, and not realize how I am using my memories as a 'bridge' to 'happiness'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on my memories to give me an 'experience' of happiness, and define me within that 'dependency' through accepting that emotional or feeling experience to something or someone as a 'part of me' instead of realizing that I have made it 'part of me' through me emotionally reacting to my memories and accepting those reactions within the belief that my reactions are how I 'express myself'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the cereal, Corn Flakes, to one of my uncles when he informed me that eating Corn Flakes is a 'Robinson' thing, and within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that since I have a slight fondness to eating corn flakes, connect this 'fondness' of eating Corn Flakes to my uncle informing me that it is a 'Robinson thing' for my extended 'Robinson' family to be 'fond' of Corn Flakes. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not realize how I limit myself to that which I perceive and believe is part of my DNA -- which is to be 'fond' of Corn Flakes cereal. Within this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my inclination and my reason to want to believe that me being fond of Corn Flakes as part of my DNA is so I can 'feel closer' to my family, and so within this, not realize how I am actually perceiving myself as a 'separate entity' from my family -- within believing that I am 'separate' from my family, and so use any and everything to try to 'connect with my family' within an 'illusion' of 'wholeness' to 'feel' like I am 'part of' the 'family'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect enchiladas as being 'tastefully pleasing', to the memory of my immediate family and I going out to Pancho's Mexican Buffet to eat together, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define this 'togetherness-moment' within the word 'happiness' and 'fulfillment' within and through the belief that when family is 'together' enjoying each other -- that this experience is one of the most 'significant' and 'key' moments within one's life. And so within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project the memory of me eating with my family into and as each and every moment that I eat enchiladas -- as a way of 'savoring' those memories when my mom and step-dad were married, and when my brothers and I were all living under the same roof as one household.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect Braum's Cookies and Cream milkshake as being 'tastefully pleasing', to the memory of my family and I going to Braum's to get some ice cream and shakes, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define this 'togetherness moment' within the word 'happiness' and 'fulfillment' within and through the belief that when my family is 'together' enjoying each other -- that this experience is one of the most 'significant' and 'key' moments within one's life. And so within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project the memory of me going to Braum's with my family into and as each and every moment that I pass Braum's when driving or when I eat cookies and cream ice cream or drink a cookies and cream milkshake -- as a way of 'savoring' (SAVEoring / SAVIORing) those memories when my mom and step-dad were married, and when my brothers and I were living all under the same roof as one household.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when we eat food, we should 'feel' something 'emotionally' to the food that we eat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself through using 'emotions', and projecting my 'emotions' onto 'food', and believe that when I 'eat' food, that I should 'feel' something to the food that I eat.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that this statement is a statement of me accepting and allowing myself to be 'submissive' to my 'emotions' and to 'food' within accepting and allowing me to be / become influenced emotionally to the type of food that I am eating in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be enslaved by my emotions within becoming influenced by my emotions and project my emotions to and towards food (within the taste of food).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel 'less happy' when I judge food within my mind as being 'bland'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel 'happy' when I judge food within my mind as being 'tasty' because of connecting the memories of me eating sweet foods to me having an 'experience' of happiness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself within 'feeling less happy' when and as I create a judgment about food in my mind as being 'bland'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself within 'feeling happy' when and as I create a judgement about food in my mind as being 'tasty'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect my 'emotions' to food, and believe that if a meal is experienced as being 'boring' then I should 'compensate' for that experience by getting a 'dessert' that I believe will make me 'happier' because of the 'taste'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word 'reward' to 'good feelings', and with this, associate all rewards as being something that is there to make me 'feel happier' about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself within and as my mind and emotions within making rewards something that is 'superior', and so within that association, base my level of emotions and feelings and how I will 'react' to a particular reward contingent on how I define that reward within my mind and how I see it within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect 'taste' to 'feelings'.

I will continue in the next blog....