21-Day Mind Investigation on Sugar: Salad Sushi Roll | Day 5B

Here in this blog, I am continuing with the two points that I mentioned in the previous blog which are:

1) The first point is how I experienced the sushi roll as 'boring', and so I constantly ate a bit of the condiment that came with the sushi so that I can 'enjoy' it more. The question is, what is the point within this? Am I not supposed to enjoy the food that I eat? The point here is my judgment of the sushi being 'less appealing' without the condiment, and so I manipulate the taste of the sushi with something separate from it, such as a condiment to improve the taste. The point here is manipulation, and how foods are manipulated with sauces, condiments, and seasoning in order to improve the taste.

2) The second point is me not actually looking at and investigating what's in the food that I eat, but rather, shaping foods in a particular manner that will create more interest and attraction to that particular food item, and so because it then is shaped in a way that it looks good, so much focus is placed on how it looks that what's actually in the food is not investigated / missed.

So here, I'd like to start off with the first point with self-forgiveness. In the previous blog, I explained that self-forgiveness allows me to gift myself, through writing, the opportunity to look back at my experiences, and release any judgments, attractions, and resistances to particular food items. Such as, for instance, judging a particular food item as 'boring' because of the taste of it, or being attracted to a particular food item because of how it looks, and within that, ignoring the nutritional properties of it, and the nourishment that it can give in relation to physical health. So within releasing my judgments, attractions, and resistances to particular food items through self-forgiveness, I am able to more clearly see my starting-point (which is the reason) for eating particular food items. Am I eating this particular food item because I like how it looks and tastes? Am I eating this particular food item to compensate for my experience of boredom? And this 'list' goes on....

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I was young, feel 'controlled' when one of my relatives told me that I have to ask to get food out of the refrigerator before I get it, and so within this, feel 'happy' and 'free' when my grandmother told me that I can go into the refrigerator whenever I want when I went over her house, and so not realize how I create and embed the characteristic within myself of 'feeling controlled' when I perceive others 'controlling' me even if that is not their actual intention.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how I am actually being possessed by an 'idea' within myself that others are 'controlling' me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how I am the one that allows myself to be 'directed' by others within my life through being influenced by their words and actions.

I commit myself to stop being influenced by other people's words and actions by redefining or expanding those words that I am being influenced by to realize and live my utmost potential through living by the principles of what is not only 'best' for me, but 'best' for everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am separate from other people's words and actions, and so within this, allow myself to become influenced by other people's words and actions regardless of whether it is a 'negative' influence or a 'positive' influence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the relative that informed me that I had to ask first before I go into the refrigerator to get food, and so within this fear, allow myself to become 'influenced' by them.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself because of accepting and allowing myself to be 'influenced' by 'fear', and so within this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how I give my 'trust' to my mind by allowing my mind to give me 'experiences' that I 'react' to with 'fear'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame other individuals within my life -- believing that other individuals make me 'feel controlled' instead of realizing that I am actually controlling myself through 1) allowing myself to be 'emotionally reactive' to others, and 2) not letting go of the memories that become the 'triggers' of my emotional reactive behavior(s) within my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the sushi roll as 'boring' (without the condiment) because of how I enjoyed the foods that I ate over my grandmother's house when she allowed me to go into the refrigerator to eat what I wanted to eat, and so within this, not realize how I preserve this experience of enjoyment within my life through wanting to only eat foods that I enjoy. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that someone is going 'against' my 'taste' or 'preferences' in food when they tell me to 'challenge' my relationship to food and to look at why I eat what I eat, and how I can change my relationship to food by looking at foods not only for the taste, but for physical nourishment and nutrition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am being 'controlled' when I look at food from a staring-point of researching and investigating what foods can support my body nutritionally, and how I can change my 'habit' in eating by adding extra food items, or changing the foods that I eat to foods that can support me nutritionally.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how I abuse and limit food within my life to only give me an experience of 'enjoyment' through 'taste', and within this, not expand my relationship and definition of food as being a source that is here to assist and support in the nourishment of my body nutritionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself within food through believing that I am supposed to eat 'tasty' food items because I didn't get that chance to eat food 'freely' when I was young -- within and through thinking and uttering the statement "Am I not supposed to enjoy the food that I eat?"

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that this is actually 'controlling' myself to eat 'tasty' food through thinking and then speaking the statement "Am I not supposed to enjoy the food that I eat?"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself and my life to only enjoy 'tasty' food items.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the sushi as being 'less appealing' without any condiments, and so manipulate the taste of the sushi with the condiment that came with it to improve the taste.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is about the 'taste' when I eat food instead of realizing that there is nothing that the body benefits from 'taste' alone, but that the only thing that benefits is my mind within 'taste', and so thus, my body cannot, in-fact, be supported optimally with only foods that have an 'appealing' taste.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that 'manipulation' is when I manipulate food items to only conform to my taste buds, and within this, not look at and investigate which food items can, in-fact, support my body nutritionally to be able to function effectively.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that it is not manipulation when I add condiments, sauces, and spices to food items if my starting-point is choosing foods that can support the nourishment of my body nutritionally.

I see, realize, and understand that choosing and eating foods that are high in nutrition is more important, from the perspective of physical health rather than food that is only tastefully appealing with little to no nutrition.

I commit myself to see how I can assist and support myself to choose food items that can assist and support me nutritionally.

I commit myself to research specific food items that have an abundant source of vitamins and minerals such as green vegetables.

I commit myself to, if I like the 'taste' of a particular food item, see how I can make a recipe for myself that has a lot of nutrition with also an appealing taste.

I commit myself to, if I find a particular food item tastefully appealing but lacking nutrition, I commit myself to add another food item with that food item that has lots of nutrition to balance it out so that my body can receive optimal nourishment.

I see, realize, and understand that keeping my blood sugar level low is also important to keep my body in good stability and health.

I see, realize, and understand that nutrition is not just about how much vitamins and minerals are in a particular food item, but that nutrition is also eating foods that do not cause radical consequence within the physical body such as a spike in blood sugar.

I commit myself to choose foods that are low in carbs that will not spike my blood sugar level high.

I commit myself to -- if I want to eat foods high in carbs, eat them in portions and buy a blood test meter, a lancet device, lancets, and blood glucose strips, to see how the portions will affect my blood sugar level so that I can keep my physical body's sugar level as stable as possible without too much of a rise in sugar.

I commit myself to also eat meat being that meat has no carbohydrates which will aid in keeping the blood sugar levels stable, and also has an abundance of B12 vitamins which aids in keeping the body's nerve and blood cells healthy.