Last night on June 7th, 2012 a friend of mine called. She is a friend that I was attracted to earlier in the years. I first met her at a company that I worked for. She called me and asked me about how to be / stay positive. I informed her that wanting to be / stay positive is manipulating self with words that gives self an experience that creates the illusion of positivity while, in-fact, reality is abdicated because self doesn't want to look at / exist in what is here as what is real. And then later, she started talking about past / recent relationships wherein I allowed myself to listen to it even though I thought it was bullshit. I allowed myself to listen to it out of fear that if I tell her to stop, she would not talk to me anymore. Therefore within this, I know that I am existing within a point of desire and self-manipulation. I even considered that I was directing the conversation with common-sense advice for practical living application, but I realize that within talking to anyone that I desired in the past, the most practical application would be to talk about something that is practical support for one's daily applications which does not consist of and exist as my own knowledge and information because my own knowledge and information about things are simply me confirming who I am within/as my mind as 'energy' -- generating more energy as knowledge and information. Thus, giving advice wouldn't be a clear practical approach because of who I am within the giving of advice (as knowledge and information). "Where am I coming from within the words that I speak?" is the question that I should not only consider, but live. Thus, the Relationship Course, in this case, would have been a matter to speak about that would have been best for all -- because within that experience with communicating with her, I don't know all of the dimensions of what I am participating in within my mind, so even though I might have been giving common-sense advice about positivity in relation how to one's world and reality, I overlooked the internal conversations, back-chats, and reactions that I participated in within my words, voice-tonality, movements, etc. as the foundation / starting-point / engine of the conversation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider my starting point for and as my communication with others, thus, exist within and as / perpetuate -- mind-matrices / networks that I haven't looked at from the starting point of what it is that I am accepting and allowing as what I am participating in -- in my world and reality, and thus, form my own conclusions / realizations based on knowledge and information rather than what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see / evaluate who I am within what I do and say -- who I really am as the nature of me within and as knowledge and information which is conceived as coming from a practical / self-honest starting-point -- as the basis of conversations with a friend or family member -- instead of taking into consideration all parts of and as me within and as the mind-matrices / networks that I have not considered, thus unawarely accept and allow my external experience to conform to the internal reality of and as the mind -- as I allow my friend or family member to unawarely direct the situation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within communicating about the consideration of practical points within ones' daily application living, that I am directing the conversation equal and one -- instead of not taking into consideration -- the starting-point for and as the development of the relationship with the particular friend / family member overtime, and to realize that without deconstructing the integrity / fabric of the relationship that I am accepting and allowing to exist -- that integrity / fabric becomes and is the starting-point of the entire conversation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as, and perpetuate entire mind-matrices / networks because I haven't accepted and allowed myself to have a look at what it is that is the starting-point of the relationship with a friend / family member because of fear -- of not 'wanting to go there' -- because of the desire to keep that relationship-integrity alive, thus all of my conversations / communications becomes that of self-deception -- even if coming from a perceived starting-point of having a look at the common-sense points that can be applied within and as ones' daily living-application.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself through and as the words that I speak -- as I separate myself from the words that I speak of which I believe that within speaking common-sense points / perspectives about words, in relation to how they are lived, that I am being self-honest within that, instead of taking into consideration the words, as experiences, that I created in my world and reality within relationships that create the integrity of who I am in every given moment, and how I speak / carry myself / live -- as an organic robot that is energetically charged by and as relationships that I have defined myself into and as.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that who I am within and as relationships is in-fact the embodiment / living of mind-matrices / networks that I have conformed to/as -- as the living expression of me in separation of / from all life. So even within communication with friends / family, it is to have a look at the starting-point of the relationship that I exist in / as / participate in / have developed in separation of -- of which I live as separation to / towards my very own words that I speak, and self-honestly move myself within / investigate who I am in relation to my experiences that consist of and exists as knowledge and information about my standing within and as relationship with friends and family.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that where I come from is from a family of Arabic descent, thus, desire "I. I." based on her color as what I resonantly believe I was as the image of me in a past life, and see that skin color as more-than because I connected that skin color to and as life of oneness and equality based on how I believed my family was in a past life -- existing within and as a perceived oneness and equality with nature.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give a picture to and as oneness and equality as a specific skin color that I believe represents oneness and equality based on the connection that I believe I had with a family of a past life with and as nature, and thus, project that memory / resonant energetic point onto and as females that have similar skin color.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that since my last name is 'Perry', I have ancestors of Arabic origin based on a conversation that I had with a classmate that informed me that people that have the last name of 'Perry' commonly have ancestors that are of Arabic descent -- because I accepted and allowed within me to already incorporate a resonant energetic relationship of and as the past as how I believed and perceived myself to be -- as coming into another form to and as the physical body of a 'black male' from a previous life of and as Arabic descent of which I believed I died as a child.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see females of Indian descent as 'special' because they correspond with what I believed and perceived to be my 'culture' in a past life of and as an Arabic make-up.
I commit myself to an actual life of oneness and equality -- not based on pictures that depict oneness and equality as how I believe / perceive equality and oneness to be / look like, but commit myself to birth oneness and equality within and as practical living of bringing myself into and as one point through self-forgiveness where I am able to see, realize, and understand how I created myself to exist within and as experiences that I gave value to -- within my daily tasks / applications that consist of mind-matrices / networks that I perpetuate for self-fulfillment.
I commit myself to stop the survival of me as the mind -- which I consist of and exist as mind-matrices / networks that have been layered over time through and as my participation within energy -- making the commitment to see, realize, understand that everything that I do consist of and exist within a starting-point of self-manipulation without self-forgiveness -- because I have developed myself over time to be and become the complexity of personalities that have become automated as the 'expression' of me as a mind-consciousness system.
I commit myself to have a look at my starting-point, that there is a conscious starting-point that I believe is the actual starting point because of the participation within and as the conscious mind -- not taking into consideration the back-chat, internal conversations, and reactions that I participate in because I thought they were me -- expressing me within 'likes', and 'dislikes', instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that I have developed myself over time -- constructing mind-matrices / networks that have become the representation of and as my body as my mind. Thus, every starting-point has to be considered based on how I am participating within and as experiences -- consisting of my physical movements, my thoughts, feelings, emotions, internal-conversations, back-chats -- to really take apart the (miss)tery of and as myself as the mind.