I've been feeling drowsy for the last couple of days, and it has been experienced while writing my Journey to Life Blogs -- as having a lot of resistance to write them. It has also been seen in my physical posture, through my procrastination this weekend when writing them -- creating the consequence of my blogs being done in three or four hours rather than 30 minutes to 1 hour (which is how long it normally takes.) It has also been seen in my breathing patterns -- having erratic breathing, and not consistent. So basically, I want to do self-forgiveness for not accepting and allowing myself to direct me within what I do -- as my doingness becomes a point of resistance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within tiredness because of resisting to change me in practical application walking -- instead of realizing that the resistance that I accept and allowed myself to exist within and as is only that which I accept and allow to direct the integrity of who I am in every moment, thus, becoming a slave to resistance -- as my whole beingness, thus, relies on resistance as my motivation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be in the mind within the fantastical worlds and realities that I manifested within and as me -- as that becomes the engine of me -- as a 'drive' to exist / move / remain within this world and reality -- because I have given up on myself instead of moving / establishing / grounding myself here in this world and reality -- that is not moved by and as 'energy' -- as that which I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as the integrity of my beingness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am is that which I defined into existence as the integrity of my thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, ideas, beliefs -- manifesting memories -- of which I bring / make those memories alive through and as my participation within them -- instead of making a commitment of becoming equal to and one with my memories -- because the only reason that I hold on to my memories is because I see my memories as 'more-than' me -- that has become the life of me based on me not giving myself that which I defined as life within and through my memories that I hold on to -- for the sake of my personal happiness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give life to and as my memories -- because my memories are the cognitive process wherein I am able to validate my existence as the relationships that I created with myself -- because the physical doesn't do that. Thus, within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to validate myself within and through my memories consisting of and existing as thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, ideas, beliefs, etc. -- that I have given 'life' to -- as I take the 'life' of me as the substance of me from the physical in order to keep my memories in-tact -- because that is all that I have known myself to be -- because I was never 'here' -- I was never 'real', but existing as a puppet to the energy as memories that I have given 'life' to in place of mine.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to direct my movements / physical body equal to and one with what is 'here' -- because what is 'here' has been abdicated for the sake of my fantastical reality -- that I have programmed myself within words to accept as the 'life' of me -- instead of taking self-responsibility to do / apply what is best for all -- which is the movement of and as the physical reality / existence -- that is currently only moved by the mind -- as that which we, as a collective, have accepted and allowed to be and become -- as we abuse physical substance for the sake of creating a life -- based on survival -- of which we brainwash our children to accept the mind as the life that is 'energy' where feelings and emotions are respected more than life itself.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to exist equal to and one with my physical movements -- but accept and allow who I am as the personality / ego of the mind to direct my movements -- which are movements that are based on energy -- rather than self-directed movements -- instead of directing who I am equal to and one with the physical that I have abdicated because I made the tacit agreement that 'resistance' is who I am, and that I will remain within it as it based on the point of seeing process as difficult / challenging -- because I am not able to do what I want to do -- which is to stay in the mind within the patterns that I have defined myself as in this world and reality as a personality that follows my book of life -- instead of expanding the words that I speak to include what is best for all life -- rather than being limited to the programs as the 'script' of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to script my actions to and as the limitation of the mind of which my body movements become based on the energetic integrity of that which I accept and allow myself to exist within and as -- which becomes the definition of who I am in relation to the physical existence -- as I abdicate the physical for the illusion of the pursuit of energy / self-interest -- not realizing that within the illusion of the pursuit of energy / self-interest, I am chasing an illusion using illusions -- as thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, ideas, beliefs, etc. to become the essence of my beingness in self-dishonesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist the physical -- that which is real for the sake of self-satisfaction within the very 'energy that abuses the physical for its survival -- thus within this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the very nature of me exists within and as 'survival' of wanting more and more -- which in-fact is the generation / perpetuation of 'fear' that I have allowed myself to be and become because I have separated myself from all of that -- that I value / define as 'life' (manifested within and as relationship patterns) -- in order to perpetuate the personality / ego that only values self-fulfillment -- rather than considering the collective as humanity that moves within / by / through 'fear' -- separate from actual life -- in which life is defined into and as 'energy' of which systems is created for its sustenance for personality / ego perpetuation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to remain in the mind rather than considering what is best for all and considering the creation of a Heaven on Earth -- which can only exist through and as taking self-responsibility to birth myself as life -- as the letting go of all knowledge and information that I understand about how the world / system operates. Thus within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the knowledge and information about my current understanding of this world and reality -- without considering something that is so simple yet not exercised because of the current knowledge and information about who I am in relation to this world and reality -- instead of letting go all knowledge and information that I have about myself and myself in relation to this world and reality -- because I realize that I have been brainwashed into and as the manifestation of relationship patterns that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as a limited being that can only move within and as limitation based on how I have constricted myself to and as certain specific thoughts that gives me satisfaction exist / function in this world as a personality / ego. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I can expand who I am in relation to this world and reality -- not by expanding my knowledge, but letting go of my knowledge and information about who I am in relation to the physical existence.
I commit myself to a life that wherein I am able to participate in the bringing about of a world that is best for all -- wherein who I have constructed myself to be in relation to this world, I realize cannot exist within and as the creation of a world that is best for all because all reactions, back-chat, internal conversations, etc. is that which I accepted and allowed myself to be subjugated to by the very relationship patterns that I have made real -- of which I cycle within over and over again within the mind, and realize that if I take with me all of that that I exist as presently, that slowly but surely, the same world system will be recreated again. So I have to re-create myself in a way that I become the directive principle of my world and reality -- leaving no position for the perpetuation of energy as reactions, back-chat, internal conversations, etc.
I commit myself to -- when I feel tired, to direct who I am within my tiredness to be equal to and one with the physical as per my physical movements, my physical breath -- to bring myself here as physical stability.
I commit myself to realize that resistance is in-fact me not taking self-responsibility to bring myself back here with and as the physical -- which is the matter that matters within this existence which has become the (mater)ial where the mind takes matter and shapes it into energy that is perceived as the matter of expression -- creating a world where money matters, and where equality and oneness doesn't even compute within the walking matters as organic robots.