Day 60 | Relationship Dynamics Part 5-1: Seeing Everyone as Perfect

Within this blog, I talk about how I see everyone as perfect. I will use my mom as the one that I saw as perfect. Actually, I didn't see her as perfect, but simply as a guardian. I saw her as knowing more than me, and thus here to guide me within and as that knowledge for an effective life. Growing up, my step-father was the 'male' role-model. One thing that he told me that I never forgot was to tell the truth. I actually took that to another level. Growing up, I was the 'goody-two shoe', and stayed that way.Yes, I did challenge myself in different areas, but still stayed within the binds of the system -- not to become a rebel against the system. I only kept that anger within me.

That obedience to the truth that I adhered to from my step-father became based on logic because I saw being 'logical' as a point of stability. The way that I have defined logic in my life is through and as the point of disciplining one's mind. But what I was really disciplining was me as an individual separate from all life -- trying to live the most effective life, but only extending that effectiveness to myself -- leaving out the rest of the world. Within this point of discipline that I adhered to, looked for females that represented my step-dad as teaching me how to be truthful in my life. My mom also taught me, but my step-dad was more prominent within this point. So there were a line of people in my life that disciplined me such as my step-dad, and my uncle, and this discipline I looked for in females.

There was was female in my life that appeared to have this discipline, but because of my religious beliefs changing, it really never worked out. The thing is that this search for a disciplined female is because I never really in-fact gave that discipline to myself equal to and one with and as all. I was simply engineering it from a self-interested perspective of only extending it to and within myself. I never really thought about expanding this point equally and one to, with and as all, but I found out when actually walking the point of discipline from an equality and oneness perspective -- that I have a lot of resistance because it is in-fact something wherein self-value / fulfillment ceases to exist because 'logic' becomes a field of reasoning that is based on what is best for all as being able to look past one's own beliefs, convictions, backchat, thoughts, fears, angers and every single feelings and emotion that changes and influences who one is at the moment in the decision -- investigating the consequences of one's actions and learning from them, always being able and ready to change based on the feedback from reality -- as putting oneself into the shoes of another. So I'd like to do self-forgiveness for looking for a "perfect" partner that is walking the point of perfection -- that has no reactions, has birthed themselves from the physical in equality and oneness and here living as breath equal to and one with and as 'life' wherein I can 'learn' from and 'grow' from without actually practically walking the point of practical application effectively, but only existing within and as knowledge and information about the world and existence -- never really actually standing as a directive principle of what it takes to stand as a living expression of self-honest practical living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself -- when I was young -- desire to be like Spock who is a representation of and as how I defined 'logic' in my world and reality: logic as being mentally disciplined -- instead of realizing that the point of existing within 'resistance' to and towards my process of stopping my mind is not the same as the process of stopping / controlling emotions and feelings that Spock was raised to do as a Vulcan, and I realized that within my process of stopping my mind because I was doing it from a perspective of self-interest -- only thinking about my own self-fulfillment to be effective, and efficient in everything that I do without the interference of emotions and feelings that I defined as 'less than' -- instead of becoming equal to and one as my emotions and feelings, and to in fact realize and understand that it's not about stopping my mind as emotions and feelings from the perspective of existing within a point of control and stability, and trying to 'suppress' ones' emotions an feelings, but is about see, realizing, and understanding where in-fact have these emotions and feelings come from because there was a point that I separated myself from my own self as emotions and feelings because I don't even know the starting point of them, but perpetuate my emotions and feelings constantly and continuously, and within this perpetuation, I've gotten so used to them that I defined these emotions and feelings as me without even understanding the nature of and as me. And thus, I resist the process of stopping my mind from the perspective of giving up all of the knowledge and information about who I am in relation to myself, others, and this world because I have in-fact become the manifestation of this world as a system instead of actually being and become the directive principle of and as my life -- and becoming that means that I equalize myself with my starting-point of / for everything that I do and speak. Thus, everything that I do and speak will in-fact become words that I am equal and one with and as -- and know where each word comes from, how they are formed, why I spoke them, and how those words will effect humanity / existence as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, as a world system, create and perpetuate the 'idea' of logic within this world as the principles that guide reasoning within a given field or situation within only the perspective of the context that infers as the reasoning for a conclusive outcome that is best for either the environment, position, setting, an individual, or best for all within that context, but not even consider expanding 'logic' from a world system perspective economically and equivocally within equality and oneness where all beings in the world from birth has sufficient food, water, and shelter for an effective life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself the value of self-perfection in all ways -- thus within not giving to myself self-perfection in all ways, desire relationships with others that I see / interpret as walking in perfection -- whether that be through a religious process or some other process that I see / define / interpret as a disciplined path to / towards self-perfection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an aversion / resist others that are not walking in self-perfection -- as I within this resistance perceive myself as 'superior' than they are because of the belief that I am walking in perfection and they are not, and so within this, only seek others that are walking in perfection which means -- to walk in perfection as to change / birth self in ways that are practical and common-sensical wherein one is not anymore directed and effected by and as 'reactions', but that all reactions are transcended -- as every movement and spoken word becomes an actual expression of self rather than only a limited expression consistent of and existent within and as the mind in the form of a thought-pattern, emotions, feeling, idea, perception, etc. The perfection of self means that all of what self believed self to be is forgiven -- as self has shaped to and as an expression that is able to effectively live / walk / apply the living statement of equality and oneness as the principle of what is best for all in this world and reality.

I forgive myself I have accepted and allowed myself to create imaginary friends that conform to my idea of perfection -- being that I blamed others for not being 'perfect' based on how virtually everyone has reactions, but not see, realize and understand that the very point of creating imaginary friends that represent perfection is a total abdication of me taking self-responsibility to do what is necessary to be done to perfect myself -- because I, instead, wanted to place my trust on another to show me how to live as 'perfection' of which I, within this, abdicate who I am based on the fear of standing within and as self-trust -- that I, instead, gave to a thought, a feeling, an emotion, an idea about myself in separation -- rather than unconditionally forgiving myself that I have sabotaged myself based on doubting my very own ability to perfect myself within self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see being 'logical' as a point of stability within seeing, realizing, and understanding who I am within and as the point of seeing 'logic' as stability -- instead of realizing that actual stability is in-fact when I am the directive-principle of my world and reality, and that I in-fact know the origin of all of my thoughts, feelings, emotions, back-chats, internal conversations, ideas, perceptions -- because these are in-fact behaviors, characteristics, etc. of myself as ego / personality -- that I separated myself from, and thus, instead of applying myself to really have a look at who I am in relation to what I believe and perceive to be 'logical', I manipulate myself behind the words that I speak, as all words are words of opinions until they are redefined to and as what is best for all -- wherein each word is a word that can stand into infinity free from polarity.