In Relationship Dynamics Part 3, I did some self-forgiveness on placing trust in relationships. Placing trust in relationships becomes a point of compromising oneself to another's thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions ideas and beliefs about themselves and the world instead of placing trust within and as oneself and being the directive-principle of one's world and reality. One's world and reality rather -- gets shaped into and as others' personality-expression -- as one gets 'lost' into and as 'experiences' that were created / engineered from 'relationships' as the induction of emotions and feelings. And then, one gets lost into and as these emotions and feelings as the 'life' / 'vibrance' / 'colors' of ones' life in which stability and self-direction is lost because one is now moved / directed by 'energy' as emotions and feelings -- and they can be so subtle such as a smile. And this is what happened to me. I realized that when I really started to look at myself, I am incessantly moved by 'energy' as emotions and feelings. That's why some people in my world and reality don't take me serious because I don't take myself serious. But this is due to 'fear' -- the fear of being / positioning myself as the directive-principle because then I lose all of my relationship-patterns as me -- which means that I might lose some relationships that I hold on to dearly for the sake of 'friendship'. And this is why friendship is in-fact self-dishonest in general because friendship has become the acceptance of and as 'energy' as the 'normal state' of a being as their personalities / behaviors -- and it is who we are as 'normal' selves that are sitting in a grave waiting for the dirt to be put over it -- as consequence -- for not taking self-responsibility to move ourselves into a position of 'standing' in such a way that consequence is then thus corrected in future matters where it won't happen again. But the consequence is always right in front of us, and it is not really the 'big' / obvious points. It is the small small things that we do that creates consequence as ourselves, but is overlooked because they are seen as 'normal'. This is why as 'friends' consequence is supported because nothing is ever tested. Most of everything is always agreed upon whether it is self-abusive or not.
One example of self-abuse is "You are so cool!" By saying these words to another, one is accepting another's personality as 'superior' than ones' own personality, and thus, personality in itself is praised rather than what is 'here' as 'reality'. What is in-fact 'personality'? It is a reaction of a collection of experiences. One might appear to be cool, but that 'coolness' is simply a 'reaction' of an experience or more -- that one participated in, of which one molded themselves into an 'expression' that seems 'positive'. But without self-forgiveness as self-direction, then it makes self's own personality, or the personality of another more-than life itself. This is why the media and all of these celebrities are praised because 'normal' people want to be like the them, but really -- it's not about their personality as a celebrity, but really about how much money they have that makes their personality 'pronounced'.
With self-forgiveness, one releases oneself from the definition of who they are within / as themselves as a point of taking self-responsibility thus to position oneself as what is best for all -- and what is best for all is always making a decision that physically aligns with bringing about the best possible outcome to everyone and everything involved within the context of the decisions one is taking, and what is best for all can never be personality-driven as 'personality' will always seek out what is best for oneself. That is why with me, I have experienced a lot of resistance in coming from a starting-point as what is best for all because that include what's best for the body, and best for all non-living things also as per -- where to place them, how to take responsibility in ensuring that all non-living things are kept in place also -- so it's not just in relation to people, but everyone and everything -- because all is self and self is all. We just have to come from a starting-point of and as positioning ourselves to this principle. So I want to do self-forgiveness for points about self-direction and not applying it effectively in my life -- because I always looked for the 'positive' as being personality-driven. The dynamics of being the directive-principle would be a point where I'd have to place my personality-expression aside -- which was never real in the first place -- but only driven by 'experience'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am as a 'personality' is real, and thus, perpetuate my personality as my personality is mirrored onto and as others, and with that 'mirroring' I make a statement to them that this is who I really am, and if they are not self-directive, I abuse them also by imprinting my self-dishonesties onto and as them of which they take for and within themselves and mirror to others -- creating a domino effect that slowly but surely created this world that we living in -- as 'consequence' of what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become in separation from equality and oneness as 'life'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself into 'pieces' to try to find my 'peace' which I defined as my 'expression' -- instead of realizing that I am already whole 'here', but instead of practically walking the point of wholeness as equality and oneness, I decided to be and become an effect of myself -- as 'personality', and thus proliferate that effect onto and as others as my definitions of who I am of which I see me as inferior to. Thus within this inferiority, imprint who I am as what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as 'personality' onto others to try to gain their 'acceptance' that I am to and one with my own self as 'personality' -- as I abdicate self-trust in order to trust another.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear 'losing' who I am as a personality through self-forgiveness, and thus react in ways that I justify through logic / opinion -- instead of realizing that the point of justifying who I am in order to remain who I am -- which are simply only a couple of patterns that I specialized and imprinted within me that became my personality-expression, is in-fact making the statement that I don't want to do / consider what is 'best for all' because I made what is 'best for all' inferior to my defined superiority as my personality-expression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within superiority and inferiority as I cycle through superiority and inferiority to try to keep myself 'balanced' as a personality -- but I don't see this because all that I see is what I do within the context of who I am as a personality -- being driven by it instead of positioning myself as the directive-principle of and as my life. Thus, life itself becomes my awareness of only a couple of patterns that I imprinted into me as what I 'like', and thus, exist within cycles of play-outs where I try to maintain / shape my likes and avoid my 'dislikes'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the 'expression' of the personality as I, within this 'enjoyment', imprint my subconscious mind back-chat system, and unconscious-physical mind system into and as the integrity of what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become based on 'experience' -- thus, every movement and every word becomes shaped into and as the 'personality' of myself -- as I see myself as an individual within this, but really, if I see myself in-division-of-all in equality and oneness, I realize that individuality redefined is an individual that is not defined by a 'personality / ego', but lives within the principle of what is best for all -- existing as an individual within that -- as the natural-physical-beingness expression of and as self that is birthed when self-interest as the automatic-mind consciousness unconscious energetic-experience of ego stops.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-direction because within actual self-direction means that I have to give up my personality as who I am and direct my words, my movements, and speak only that which are of a self-directive / self-honest nature -- which are words that support and are of practical and physical common sense rather than words that only support the mind in and as entertainment -- because it is within entertainment where I entertain myself and entertain others' mind-consciousness system relationships that they have imprinted onto and as their lives of which I tacitly make the statement, "It's okay to be who you are. You don't have to direct your living in practical physical common-sense because that would mean that the friendship-relationship that we have now will change, but more-so, I fear 'losing' the 'you' as who you are as a 'personality' because I fear losing myself, and the relationship that I have with you as friends / lovers / family member. I know that if I change, there will be practical physical change in me that is best for all which is looking past my own beliefs, convictions, backchat, thoughts, fears, angers and every single feeling and emotion that changes and influences who I am at the moment in the decision -- investigating the consequences of my actions and learning from them, always being able and ready to change based on the feedback from reality -- which I don't want to see because that would go against the very self-dishonest nature of me as a personality."
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an aversion to be self-directive within my world and reality because of the fear of losing myself and my relationships with family and friends based on how I defined myself to exist as -- as a personality subjugated to the very deceitfulness of my friends and family, and the most deceitful expressions are that which is hidden behind the positive feelings of love and light, but this love and light, I have trusted within and as all of my integrity, and thus 'enjoy' being in the presence of those who exhibit positiveness and 'goodness' -- instead of taking into consideration the fact that 'attitude' is not really in-fact the directed within oneself as the 'cause', but is that which is the 'effect' -- thus, realizing this, it is not for me to 'trust' the effect of and as 'attitude' which I find appealing -- it is to investigate the 'cause' as the integrity of how the relationship is structured.
Thus within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear 'structure' because of always existing within and as the unscrupulousness of entertainment, fun, friendship, laughs, family, etc. -- all of these 'expressions' are are in-fact effects of the cause of why we are existing the way that we are existing as. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear this self-directive principle application because it in-fact goes 'against' all of that which I have understood within myself as 'relationships' -- because I never realized that relationships are in fact bonds formed from and as 'personalities' based on specific patternings of ones' thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc. that has made an impact on another to such a degree that friendship / relationship is created, and thus, friendship / relationship is lived from a starting-point basis on and as 'behavior' -- which has been revered as 'superior' in order to balance the inferiority that self has defined self as in relation to words, thoughts, pictures, ideas about oneself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing myself if I am self-directive in my world and reality because I realize that within self-direction, there are no relationships that are created with others, and because of there not being any relationships created with others, generate a fear of losing my identity within self-direction -- instead of realizing that my identity is not even real, but is generated by relationship-connections with people -- based on the internal relationship connections that I value -- as my wants, needs, and desires.
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