I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within desire for relationships as the principle of having no emotional strings attached when the basis of the relationship in itself is still based on self-interest of and as fueling all other desires that does not directly conform to objective emotions and feelings, but are in-fact still emotional and feeling based -- instead of realizing that until I stop / direct all movements as energy-reactions within me, I am living a lie -- the lie that I do not conform to emotional-feeling relationships when in-fact -- when my self-interested motives gets tested / challenged, the 'real' emotional and feeling reactions arise from the crevices of my ego.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed within feelings and emotions, and not see, realize, and understand that the existence of being overwhelmed by feelings and emotions as the product of 'falling in love' is in-fact me making the tacit statement that I am not able to direct myself in this situation with this person, and so thus, I create waves of back-chat within me in the form of overwhelmingness, and give it a special feeling of 'falling in love' -- wherein I then embrace this feeling through teas of self-sabotage.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not know the dimensions of the mind of a person that I am getting into a relationship with because the emotions and feelings were so overwhelming that I abdicated myself out of reality into a dimension of the mind where I can embrace the illusion of love that has been formed as certain-specific pictures, words, symbols that I valued over myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be involved with someone relationship-wise solely based on their looks -- because I have formed a relationship with all of my thoughts, feelings, and emotions that I created into a picture-form within me that I project onto others for my self-satisfaction / fulfillment within relationship to feed my fantasies that I defined myself into and as.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perpetuate the mind to such an extent that the desire to manifest my fantasies / desires superseded common-sense practicality as practical living -- of which I instead, make attempts to actualize the reality of the mind which can never birth equality and oneness as practical living within this world because the dimensions of my mind were based on self-interested tactics of self-fulfillment -- and to magnify that to all as one here within this existence means that desire, as self-interest, will be magnified -- replicating what is already here as desire and self-interest as the creation of a money system that only gives life to those that have money. Thus within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that what is best for all will take the removal of desire and self-interest, and thus, a total rebirth (change) of and as me by firstly giving up all knowledge and information about myself in order to make sure that I don't create the same cycles of self-interest and desire over and over again.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create relationships of manipulation as 'energy' as emotional and feeling reactions wherein I meet someone and then within that moment exist within specializing them in some way or another, and then from that specialization of them, change my personality-behavior to conform to the 'idea' that they are 'special' by 'acting kind' towards them, giving them gifts, and/or patterning words in ways that sound beautiful -- all of these manipulation tactics to keep a person in one's life that has been given a value to. Or in other instances, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being self-honest to / towards another, and then from that fear, go into relationship-patterns of kindness and compassion because I never stood as that self-directive principle of living, and thus, abuse the relationship within kindness / compassion -- KNOWING that existing within this, I am slowing tearing myself into pieces because I know that in every moment, I had that opportunity to stand as the directive principle of myself as another, but I allowed myself, and the other person to be taken by 'energy' as emotional and feeling reactions that makes me and them 'feel good' -- as an illusion-representation of stability.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to investigate the nature and fabric of who I am, but abdicate that point for 'energy' as emotions and feelings of which I, within this, halfway do my process of stopping my mind while at the same time, entertaining who I am as the mind -- which I see, realize, and understand that I cannot serve two masters, thus, have to direct myself equal to and one with and all. So within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as submissive to and as others -- as I, within this submissiveness, perpetuate relationships as 'energy' because I abdicated self-trust for the words of others -- as I exist within those word, in separation, and form relationships to it as a 'trust-factor' -- and within this 'trust factor' abuse my dignity for the sake of deifying others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place blame onto myself for seeing myself as not effective within my process of stopping my mind -- thus, within this judgment, I give up on myself internally, and exist within the desire to perpetuate 'energy' as relationships as a point of justifying why I cannot be self-directive in my world and reality based on the point of seeing who I am in as justifiable -- giving 'reason' to / analyzing the reason why I have to do self-forgiveness.... why I have to stop existing within and as 'energy' -- instead of realizing that simply by analyzing who I am in and as relationships, I allow myself to place trust within 'energy' as emotions and feelings to and towards others when in-fact, I don't know how the emotions and feelings that I 'feel' manifest / start from. Thus because of this, I exist as a subjective of my emotions and feelings instead of as a directive-principle where I know that within that self-direction, I am directing / moving myself. And the only practical-real way to be self-directive is by first forgiving myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust everything that I do. Thus, within self-forgiveness, I can start from a starting-point where I know that within self-forgiveness, I am in-fact directing myself equal to and one with what is here in the physical.