15 June 2012

Day 51 | Shyness as Manipulation Part 3: Redefinition

Note: Read Earth's Journey to Life blogs about Redefining Words for a better understanding....

Allocation Point of Self within the Word ‘Shyness’

The word ‘shyness’ has been allocated within me according to how I have defined myself within the word 'shyness'. Everyone always informed me that I was shy, so it was never a point that I made a decision to do consciously. I always saw females as 'more-than' because when I was young, I pursued a relationship. One of the first relationships that I wanted to pursue was with "K. C." because she was intelligent, and attractive (according to my definition of 'intelligence' and attractiveness). From the beginning, I was shy around her because I saw in her what I wanted in me which were straight A's in elementary school. Although, I did achieve straight A's in 3rd grade because I motivated myself to because "K. C." would get straight A's in every grade. So thus, I can see that the shyness with females were because I wanted to "win" them over through developing / expressing a specific behavior or talent that I could show them indirectly that they would 'like', and thus, be attracted to me.

The shyness around authority-figures such as my step-dad would be because he disciplined me. Thus, it was a fear of getting out of line -- the same as 'authority-figures' in this world and reality in the world-system. They would discipline you to follow a specific moral and ethical stance that is acceptable by society. If not followed, then one would reap the benefits such as losing money at a job, or going to jail. When I went to the Army, I was fearful of going to the military jail for disobeying the drill sergeants. So thus, this shyness was an underlying fear of getting out of line and then suffering the consequences. This why there are so many connections to shyness with morality, ethics, rules and laws, and authority.

There was also a shyness of communication based on a speech-impediment that I became cognizant of in kindergarten. This shyness is also ethical-based -- ethical as the meaning of conforming to accepted standards of social or professional behavior. Thus, shyness, within my world and reality is strongly connected to the word ethics -- as even "winning" a female over that I liked would be based on ethics as conforming to their accepted standards and behavior as how they defined themselves to exist in this world and reality. I would be shy when speaking to a person because I was afraid of stuttering -- because stuttering would 'go against' the ethical standards of communication -- not saying that stuttering in itself is right and right, but in this case, was about conforming to the accepted standards as the 'norm' and the 'understood' concepts, establishments, and relationships that create the infrastructure of society.

Dictionary Definition

1. A feeling of fear of embarrassment

Sounding of the Word

Shyness: Shy-Nest, Sh(I)-Mess, Si-lence, Shine-Best, S / ilent / ness / treat-men (t) / many / mistake

Within the word 'shyness', I described how I lived out the negative charge of the word in my world and reality as a point of fear. Surprisingly when looking in the dictionary, the dictionary states that 'shyness' is a feeling of fear of embarrassment. Although, I never saw myself as acting in 'embarrassed' over something, but when I look up the word 'embarrass', it is an action that causes one to feel self-conscious. Shyness in my case would be a point of existing as self-consciousness rather than a reaction of self-consciousness. Thus, shyness would be more of a persistent behavior rather than a reaction occurring for only a few seconds or minutes from a trigger point. Thus, my personality is in-fact resonantly aligned with and as 'shyness' from many different trigger points that created a resonant behavior of how I experience things in my world and reality.

I also associated the word 'shyness' with a positive polarity -- as 'confirmation' of existing within the 'negative' polarity -- as being 'righteous' (in right-standing) within and as 'ethics', thus, it was a point of gaining acceptance from another individual through acting in ways: movements, voice-tonalities, behaviors that align with that person's personality expression / beliefs -- because their personality expression is who they are as an 'ethical' person to / towards their own mind -- like a point of being subjugated to their mind. Thus within shyness, I am actually positioning myself as being subjugated to another's subjugation of themselves as their mind -- because mind is simply that which creates energy for it's own 'survival' as a personality / ego through the creation / participation in thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, ideas, beliefs, etc. that one accepts and allows themselves to be and become in relation to this world and reality.

Shyness is played-out in the world as something that is seen as 'normal' of which some even see the point of shyness as something that is 'attractive', but my consequences for being shy is not standing / taking self-responsibility to move myself within what is best for me in relation to what is best for all, but simply to live as an effect to / towards others' personalities trying / attempting to 'adjust' myself to how I perceive them as. Taking self-responsibility means to -- in that moment speak and/or move in ways that are practical for that moment no matter how the person, or people, will react because reaction is always due to a relationship that is created about the experience / event instead of standing / being equal to and one with and as the event / experience. Thus one is, within reaction, not physically here -- but in the mind within experiencing one's own relationships of thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, ideas, beliefs, etc. projected onto event / experience.

Shyness: The act of nesting in the mind as an effect of the relationships that have been defined / created within and as self which one subjugates themselves to -- as certain relationship patterns that one fears releasing within themselves which creates the experience of fearing individuals that stimulate the relationship pattern that causes one to react in 'shyness'.

Shyness: A protection mechanism Si-lencing self-responsibility to direct oneself out of the 'energy' of 'shyness' for the sake of justifying one's defined position to oneself and another in relation to how one has defined themselves within social ethics.

Shyness: The desire to be the 'best' by placing oneself in a position portrayed as 'innocent' in order to acquire validation from another individual who is perceived as acting in ways that are socially ethical.

Shyness: S / ilent / ness / treat-men (t) / many / mistake -- Shyness is the act of taking the ment-ality (of mind/ego) and projecting it onto 'physicality' to make it as real as possible through the treat-men-t of words that have become violent within oneself creating the sil-ent ego that justifies oneself / itself through relationships within social ethics -- hiding the 'man' -- giving him / her / it the si-lent treatment and sticking the 'hu' in front of the 'man' as the man becomes the hu-man creating war as the illusion of treat-ment (peace) instead of taking self-responsibility to birth oneself as the 'man' that is the breath of li-fe by stopping what lies beh(in)d 'shy-ness'.

Shyness: Shyness is the act of projecting ones own self-judgments, that have been developed over time, onto a physical setting / event as an intensity of friction of having a lack of confidence within oneself  -- creating the 'innocent ego' that makes an attempt to validate it's existence within self-judgment through relationships within social ethics -- which in turn suppresses the ability to be self-honest to expose relationships as they exist by changing the course of communications / relationships -- as a point of facing the fear that has been shaped into and as the construct of shyness within words, voice-tonalities, movements, etc.


I commit myself to be the living breath in and as my process of stopping the mind -- and realize that within 'shyness' there is fear -- a fear of letting go that which I have defined me as for a life of oneness and equality with and as the physical -- which I have yet to really understand -- because I placed trust in and as 'energy' as what I have developed myself to be and become as the integrity of limitation. Thus, within shyness, I become equal to and one with and as all of my relationships that I position myself within and as -- that created the effect of and as shyness and forgive all relationship patterns -- as the spoken words, the feelings, emotions, physical movements that have all been expressions of separation for the life of 'energy' and experience.

I commit myself to allocate myself to that which is best for all -- and let go of all secrets that give life to shyness as the particles of deception that I lie in -- becoming the lie that I developed myself as through shyness.

I commit myself to show that shyness is in-fact that which I have formed / created as an 'effect' through and within 'time' -- becoming subjugated to time as a mind-system of relationships and 'experience' -- thus, I direct myself in time to commit myself to the 7-year process to bring myself back 'here' in the physical -- of which I become equal to and one with time as self-responsibility --  instead of becoming an effect of time through 'energy' as 'personality'.

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