I looked at the point of anxiety within and as myself, when I and my agreement partner was having a conversation last night, and how I went into this energy possession as 'anger' to try to prove my point. And while I was trying to prove my point, she informed me that "That is not you! That is not you!"..... While still being in an energetic point, I listened, and then suppressed the point within me as backchat.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest a point of separation within me -- separating myself from that which here, of which I form a relationship to the particular specific event, and live out that relationship as I attempt to equalize myself with the event through and as thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc. -- instead of realizing that the nature of the event in and of itself didn't change, but I changed within it to try to equalize myself with the event. Thus within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can equalize myself with a particular specific event using particular specific thoughts, feelings, emotions, movements, and sounds to try to get my point across within and as excitement, fear, anger, etc. -- instead of realizing that what I am actually expressing is the mind-demon as personality / ego within me that abuses and misuses the physical body for the sake of getting a point across that wasn't real in the first place -- but seemed real because of the intensity within and as the energetics involved with/in it that I participated in.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that most of the people that are in my life are people that agree with my personality through and within friendship, and family relationships, etc. -- creating relationships that fit who I am as the definition of how I defined myself as -- in relation to my desires, fears, etc., and within this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that most of the people that stay in my life are there because I manipulated myself into and as a personality / ego that only wants to define myself based on what I 'like' -- and that which I don't like, I turn away because I feared it, but didn't realize that that person, place, or thing which I don't like is the actual me in relationship to that person, place or thing -- that I have yet to see, realize, and understand this because all that I 'wanted' to see is my one-dimensional realities that makes me 'feel good', and where I want to be and remain in for eternity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself into and as a personality / ego that only wants to define myself based on what I 'like', and thus, create friendships from this starting-point of which I tacitly manipulate others into liking me within and as my movements, gestures, energetics (feelings, emotions, etc.), and conversations from the realization that manipulating others is in-fact, manipulating myself in a way to attempt to please others, and that I cannot really actually manipulate another, but if they have similar personality / relationship points (likes and dislikes) that defines who they are in relation to others, then it may appear as though I am manipulating them, but have actually mirrored a point within them that they already defined themselves as.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an aversion for (reject) the people that I don't like because they represent me more than the people that I do like because they represent that which I don't want to look at -- within fear and imperfection -- because I defined myself as 'perfect' based on that which makes me feel good -- as a personality / ego, of which I ingrained who I am as the entirety of my personality as being 'right', and thus, go against that that makes me feel 'wrong' because it is going against who I am as a 'personality' of 'perfection', thus, only forming relationships with people that makes me feel 'right', and abhor the people that makes me feel 'wrong'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to -- when I feel 'wronged', change my physical movements into as a movements that consist of and exist as 'rage' -- because the 'rage mind demon' was already in me initially in which the energy from 'rage' was inverted into and as a positive expression for my well-being of keeping the illusion of what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, as I create relationships that imitate how I imitate myself as a personality / ego -- as we both -- as the structure / foundation of our relationship (as friends, family, etc.) constantly and continuously re-charge the relationship through / by expressing what we 'like' to each other pertaining to experience -- using specific words and movements that align with our relationship. Thus within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress who I really am within and as 'anger' and 'rage' through and as expressing positivity, excitement, pleasure, etc. -- all of that which I use to not have to face the demon that I have created within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create who I am according to the experiences that I had / participated in as a child of which I was able to freely form and express the mind-patterns within and as me because there was no one else around me -- and thus from within those times of being alone, develop a personality that feels 'limited' when being around someone because of having to adjust who I am in relation to the environment because I defined myself as that personality that sees solitude as freedom -- instead of realizing that the desire for solitude is the desire for something that isn't real, and that only exists because I accept and allow who I am as the mind -- to freely 'reign' within and as 'good feelings' and comfortability that I define as life while comfortability is in-fact how I shaped my environment as based on how I shaped myself to be in this world and reality -- not considering anyone else, but my chase for freedom in an existence where freedom can only exist when all are free.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be alone -- because I defined the integrity of who I am based on an environment where I don't have to face myself, but can express myself as the aggregate of all of the relationship patterns that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become within my very own mind -- of which I can 'enjoy' myself as the mind, and thus, have an aversion for anyone that tests who I am as the 'personality' -- instead of realizing that the reaction of not wanting to be 'tested' as the personality / ego exists because I have positioned myself within a 'less than' position based on how I defined the integrity of who I am that has to be tested -- of which that expression / personality that has to be tested was never real from the beginning because I created a reaction within/as me towards the aversion to not want to be tested -- which is not, and cannot in-fact be equal to and one with that which is 'best for all' as 'life' because of the very nature of it that has to change through and as the test of time as consequence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself define me within and as the integrity of being alone or within and as the integrity of being in a relationship, in which both polarities feed off of the other as how I define myself to exist as -- as being 'happy' or 'depressed' when I am alone, or being 'happy' or 'depressed' when I am in a relationship -- because in order to create these type of experiences that generate / create these 'feelings', I have had to exist separate from it initially (separate from the other person, place, thing.... separate from the environment, and separate from my very own definition as how I defined myself as in relation to being alone or in a relationship. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am equal to and one with all that exists, and that I don't need to define myself as the integrity of being alone or in a relationship -- which is simply the effect of how I defined myself over time in relation to particular specific pictures as people, places, things, and the environment.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that fear manifests desire of which my physical movements, and voice change to succumb to the fear as 'desire' to acquire that which I believe I need to fulfill as that part of me that I defined into existence into a relationship -- instead of breathing, slowing myself down as a point of self-direction -- as I move with and as my breath as the physical rhythm of the life of me that I have abdicated for 'energy' as fear and desire.
I commit myself to change who I am in every moment -- not dictated by the mind through events of which I create specific movements, gestures, conversations, etc. that align to the experiences that I have shaped myself into and as over time as 'consequence'.
I commit myself to breathe -- to slow myself down -- not dictated by the very 'energetics' of the mind -- manifested within and as my very actions as 'effects' -- as excitement, anger, rage, anxiety, etc. -- all of that which are effects as 'consequence' that I have not directed equal to and one with what is 'here' as my breath -- that I have abdicated for pleasure which only lasts temporarily -- until the picture (circumstance / event) changes.