On 5/16/2012, it was getting late, and I was about to eat around 12:30 AM. I knew that if I go to sleep around 1:00 AM, that I will be tired the next day at work because, in the past, when I go to sleep around that time, I virtually always feel sleepy / groggy at work. Thus, I created a point of anxiety within me, and sped up my process physically within/as anxiety as a point of hurrying up to eat and do what I have to do in order to go to sleep at a decent time. My agreement partner then informed me to do self-forgiveness for existing as a 'personality' built as the 'experience' with time within that moment being subject to time, but not equal to and one with it. I then attempted to protect my ego by trying to make sense out of my experience in that moment by informing my agreement partner that if I see that it's getting late, I'm going to hurry up and do what I have to get done. I said that with reaction though, and that reaction proves that I was existing within/as a 'personality' point -- trying to protect it at all costs. What I was actually doing though in that 'experience' was complaining about my position, and not being in bed on time, of which my movements were also not equal to and one with me, but movements that were 'separate' from me because they were movements that were movements of reactions as anxiety that I did not direct. But with trying to make sense out of it through and within 'logic', I accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself within and as that moment of space and time.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I cannot trust me as the mind, and thus things that make sense are still not sufficient enough to prove that I am 'sound' within what I participating in -- instead of doing self-forgiveness immediately because immediacy allows no room for justification of which I participate in through logic and reasoning -- creating consequence as time-loops of which I accept and allow myself to prolong my process, and thus, prolonging the creation of life as equality and oneness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value in and as my 'ego' of which I defined as who I am, thus, when and as I see the ego as me being tested, I protect it at all costs though logic and reasoning because logic and reasoning has become a sound manifestation in and as this world that everyone uses, thus, believe that I can use logic and reasoning within my process of re-birthing myself from this physical existence through the deconstructing of the patterns as the 'ego' that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become -- instead of realizing that logic and reasoning itself, and everything that consists of who I am has to in-fact be self-forgiven -- because process is not about making sense of things, but about stopping the very 'lie' that has become logicalized for the sake of allowing abuse in this world to legally flourish.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subject to time -- creating personalities that makes me 'feel good' because I 'feel bad' within/as my activities within time -- not realizing that I accepted and allowed myself exist in the construct of emotions and feelings, thus, accept and allow myself to manipulate myself into having 'bad feelings' based on the collection of pictures and sounds that are connected to 'time' as relationship patterns that I created within me, and so within this integrity of relationship patterns, react -- in order to make myself 'feel good' within the reaction to prove my point as the relationship patterns that I created with and as 'time' which is not even real in the first place.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create relationship patterns within and as time, because I see myself within and as that moments of anxiety within time as trying to 'hurry up' and do things -- as those reactions that I experience, and thus, carry those reactions through my life as my 'personality' that I have developed of which I call my 'expression' -- instead of realizing that I am a product of the past subject to and as the 'personality' which only sees what it has been created as, and thus, not want to stop myself within and as my 'reactions' because of trying to make a point that was initially and always a lie real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my movements within/as 'time', thus, give myself to an 'experience' as the collection of my reactions towards a physical event that I see as 'more than' me -- as I use 'reaction' as a point of protecting my ego to 'voice' that what I am experiencing is 'valid' -- instead of realizing that I am not defined through and within my reactions manifested within/as my physical movements that I use to 'express' me within time because that which I react to, I haven't directed within/as my life -- and so I can take these moments within/as my reactions and apply immediacy as the integrity of what has always been 'here' through and within self-forgiveness and breathing -- of which my mind (as ego) has taken away for the sake of an energetic fix.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to apply unconditional self-forgiveness as a self-corrective application of and as 'immediacy' of which I abdicate for the sake of 'energy' that I defined as life because I defined myself as 'not life' to begin with, thus, see myself within experiences of anxiety as 'life' -- trying to get a point across through 'competition' that I have made my petition of recognition as 'personality' -- instead of realizing that I am 'here', and that having anxiety is the manifested expression within/as my movements and words -- that I am 'less than' what I am 'experiencing', and 'less than' what is here -- and so try to make myself 'more than' as a point of equilibrium through voicing my perspective/opinion that I have given value to -- over me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that me, as who I am, have a perspective/opinion when I am not operating with a context that is 'best for all' -- to believe that when I am operating in 'reaction' as emotions and feelings, that I have a 'perspective' and that I can 'make sense' out of what is 'here' -- instead of applying myself within/as that moment of/as immediacy and apply self-forgiveness for having a perspective/opinion when it is not best for all, but only best for me -- as I attempt to make myself 'right' within competition.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within competition because I defined myself as 'less than' from the beginning -- wanting to be 'more than', and thus, project this polarity relationship within process through 'logic' -- trying to get my 'point' across that I see as valid because I made my personality 'valid' -- instead of realizing that everything that I made 'valid' within my world and reality has to be self-forgiven because I have created myself to be over time -- a 'personality' that operates within the construct of polarity that has become the very integrity of who I am and how I exist. Thus, I cannot trust that which moves me and directs me until all parts of me are operating within a starting point for what is 'best for all' in and as this world and reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse words within and as my reactions that I have created myself to be through the utilization of movements and words that I have defined within self-interest because I have accepted and allowed myself to become the very embodiment of and as 'reactions' that I try to 'reason' in order to keep existing as 'reactions' based on how I have developed myself as my words and movements from the beginning within polarity friction -- becoming a manifested particle of competition -- instead of using words and directing my movements equal to and one with what is 'best for all' within this world and reality -- to bring about 'life' of that which has been 'stolen' by my our very participations within wanting to be, become, and live as the 'ego' as self-sabotage.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am is my reactions, and thus, see my reactions as expressions of and as me because I have accepted and allowed myself to conform to that which controls me as the 'personality' which is myself as my thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, ideas, and beliefs that has been 'super-imposed' onto and as the 'physical existence' -- seeing the physical within the mind's perspective of and as the 'patterns' and programs that constitute who I am as a limited being -- instead of realizing that my reactions are not real because they are not operating within the context of what is best for all, but instead, operating within the context of what is 'best for me' -- because I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate what is best for all to feed my illusion as emotions and feelings that I try to stabilize in my world and reality within competition.
I commit myself to do what is best for all and realize that when I am reacting, my reactions are the reflection of what I am participating in and as -- as a 'personality' trying to win through competition -- because I defined myself within 'loss' -- separate from myself as that which I manifested within and as -- through thoughts, feelings and emotions -- which have become the dictator of my reality that I feed on daily to satisfy my craving to win.
I commit myself to watch my movements in every moment because I realize that I have developed my ego/personality over time -- which has taken direct control of my movements because I have not accepted and allowed myself to direct me equal to and one with who I am within and as self-honesty. I abdicated self-honesty for that which I hold onto dearly as my 'life' and my life only -- that I protect through competition.
I commit myself to redefine all words into words that are best for all -- because I accepted and allowed myself to abuse words for my sake of keeping my ego in-tact, and use my ego to justify why I have not taken self-responsibility in my world and reality to stop everything that harms mankind existentially from an internal point as self-dishonesty that I have chosen over that which is best for all life.
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