On March 26th 2012, I was looking at my mail, and had this one post card that I got from the mail which was an advertisement. I remember seeing a lady on the front side, but then forgot when I flipped the postcard over to see what was on the back side. I then flipped the paper over again on the front side, and remembered the lady being on the front side. I realized that the flipping back over to the front side was an automatic unconscious point because of desire, but consciously done out of curiosity.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that all of my movements are undirected and automatic, thus, everything that I am consciously aware of is a part of my subconscious and unconscious integrity that has been developed over time through and as the formation of personalities that have been created through observation. Thus, it is for me to realize that I am not equal to and one with my movements until all of my movements are investigated through/within introspection, self-forgiveness, and self-honesty -- to change / direct my movements to become equal to and one with me in every moment.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my starting point for what I consciously do is directed by my movements and internal conversations / back-chats, that I have not directed in my world and reality, but has become the manifested conscious awareness that I believe is me, and that I "like" -- thus, within this relationship of 'liking', I go and search to duplicate my experiences by doing the same things over and over again, yet think that I am doing something different, but never realized that I was trapped in the 'guise of of the conscious mind within curiosity that I believe is the 'feeling' that allows me to expand my awareness / beingness.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the simple things in this world and reality -- the simple movements, the simple words that I speak, the simple thoughts that I think all originate from universes within me that I don't want to look at / never considered because I was "up there" in my mind -- enslaved by a feeling such as a 'curiosity' to give me the 'energy' that I look for within and as 'experiences' -- as I perceive myself 'separate' from that of which I formed a curiosity to -- wanting more and more of it so I can feel 'complete' the rest of the experience -- instead of realizing that I separated myself from the experience that I created and created the belief that within 'curiosity' I can mend the experience if I only 'follow' it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my thoughts of which I form a curiosity to because I believed that within curiosity, I can find something better if I just follow it -- believing that I will miss something if I don't follow my thoughts as curiosity -- instead of realizing that the very movements are movements of the unconscious mind that I am not aware of. Thus, I have given my mind the power to move and direct me within and as my participations within the world because I couldn't do it myself. I agreed to abdicate myself from myself and let my mind live my life instead of me -- and still believe that I am living my life -- but didn't realize that I have become my own matrix as thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, ideas, and beliefs about what I observed within knowledge and information instead of seeing 'here' directly -- in the physical equal to and one with and as my physical body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be equal to and one with my physical body, but instead abdicate who I am in and as the physical body for a mental body -- made up of thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, ideas, and beliefs that 'runs' my life automatically -- because I accepted 'energy' as who I am within my participation within this reality, and thus, see energy as the life of me -- and the only way to get that energy is through the participation within and as the mind -- becoming 'less than' my own self as the mind -- instead of becoming equal to and one with my mind -- to investigate what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and to stop my own self-dishonest nature as the lie that I have created myself to be within and through knowledge and information, relationships, and observation.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that within curiosity is also desire of which I, within curiosity, desire that which I am curious for based on the trust that I have formed a relationship to within my mind -- and thus within this trust, constantly and continuously recharge the very essence of my self-dishonesty daily -- which I cannot explain consciously because I never considered all parts of me, but simply considered everything that I am consciously aware of -- instead of investigating the very essence of my self-dishonesty which is the starting-point -- as the engine of my doingness that exists on more extensive level -- within/as the subconscious and unconscious. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand my starting point of and as my curiosities -- which have become layered over time within and as my movements, as I make justifications by not even investigating because of laziness -- based on judging myself within what I do -- from the starting point of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear exposing myself, thus, exist within laziness of not wanting to expose myself because I have accepted and allowed who I am as the mind to be the very movement and essence as the integrity of me. Thus, when and as I see myself existing within a point that I know should be directed, I make excuses and justifications instead of directing the point equal to and one with the point in its manifested form (within thoughts, reactions, movements, etc.). Therefore, I commit myself to -- when I am existing within laziness, look at my movements, and equalize myself with my movements by practically directing my movements out of laziness, and to be 'here' in the physical as a practical application of walking out of conscious-mind awareness to physical awareness -- which includes all of me in relation to how I am participating with the physical reality within and as my thoughts, internal conversations, back-chats, reactions, movements etc.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my physical movements have become embedded over time as layers of thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, ideas, beliefs, memories, etc. that I haven't directed equal to and one with me as self-honesty, thus within time, who I am as the mind to be the directive principle of and as my reality of which everything that I do becomes a point of self-dishonesty until all points of me are forgiven -- as I bring myself back 'here' in the physical within and as self-trust.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self-trust for the mind as 'energy' of which I accept and allow my thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, ideas, beliefs, memories, etc. to be the life of me -- which are recharged over and over again through and as curiosity -- which becomes the itinerary that leads to nowhere, but an energetic gratification of which I, within curiosity, re-acclaim who I am as a mind-consciousness system searching for relationships to be fulfilled.
I commit myself to stop the participation within and as curiosity -- which has become the life of me because I have traded my life for the life of energy as the mind -- of which I use curiosity to re-acclaim who I am as a mind -- as a slave to knowledge and information and relationships that I have traded 'life' for the sake of energy which is only temporary.
I commit myself to support life -- which is permanent in this world and reality, as I physically create permanence as the very integrity of my thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, ideas, beliefs, memories, etc. -- that super-imposes actual permanence, as stability, for the permanence of the mind as illusion that I constantly and continuously create in every moment -- as I abdicate what is best for all as permanence for the sake of keeping my self-interest alive as the illusion of permanence as 'energy'. Thus, I commit myself to change the illusion of permanence for that which stands in and as the physical as life -- lived as what is best for all -- which is a permanence that gives life to life with life for life as life.