Yesterday, I explained how I formed a reaction from an experience based on a starting point that I formulated of which I believed was a valid starting point, but didn't really look at the dimensions / relationships that I participated in that formulated the true starting point. After investigating, I realized that the starting point that I believed was the actual starting point was simply an effect of the experience -- of which I realized that the actual starting point was that based on the past as how I participated in freedom and control -- using rebellion as a point of freedom by taking things within society that are considered unconventional, taboo, wrong, immoral, and formulate a relationship with that point in order to exist as / feel 'free'. I realized that when I was young, I was controlled to go into the refrigerator -- meaning that I had to ask first. So all of my subsequent experiences of freedom and control was a domino effect of my initial experience of freedom and control. Thus, I used cross-dressing, as transgenderism, Satanism, the Ouija board, etc. as points that I found that are considered unconventional, taboo, wrong, immoral to feel 'free' as the 'personality' -- and when these points are taken away through and as deviating from that which feeds my self-interests, I react because I considered religion, ethics, and Desteni as points of control -- religion because of the prohibition of participating in sins, ethics because of the controlled principles of right and wrong that are accepted by an individual or a social group, and Desteni because of deconstructing the personality and doing what is 'best for all'.
So it is for me within Desteni to deconstruct everything that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become which means that freedom and control will have to be defined because everything that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as a personality, my words are only defined within and as what is best for me, or best for the monetary system. Thus to deconstruct self means to dissect everything as all of the relationship patterns that I defined myself into -- of which I, within these relationship patterns, exist within only that point that defines that relationship -- as I create a reality as 'life' that is only meant to feed that relationship pattern and nothing else -- because when I'm fed, then I don't care about anything else, and the more that I react, that reaction simply means that I have not yet let go of a relationship that I created myself to exist within and as -- of which I remain the personality. So within Desteni, I challenge / stop these relationship patterns / points within and through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application -- which is the applications within and as my world and reality of which I prove to myself that I will not accept and allow this relationship that I created to direct / dictate my life. So I would like to continue to some more self-forgiveness statements where I left off from Part 1.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect 'freedom' to points that are defined as unconventional, taboo, wrong, immoral, unethical, etc. because I see them a broadening of my life based on the feeling of being trapped within all of the rules and regulations that are created by the collective as society. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form a relationship with freedom and control from my initial experiences of how I interpreted an experience -- giving it an experience of 'control' -- as not being able to go into the refrigerator. Thus, duplicate that experience through the desire of freedom as being able to live as a 'personality' within the broadening of my life through and as things that are considered unconventional, taboo, wrong, immoral, unethical, etc. within society.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I controlled myself into and as a definition of freedom that fits my self-interests of wanting to become free -- thus, see / define what is 'best for all' as a point of control because it doesn't fit-in within the broadening of the 'scope' of life within everything that society considers as unconventional, taboo, wrong, immoral, unethical, etc. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become blind to not seeing / realizing / understanding that what is 'best for all' is the 'broadening' of all scopes and areas within and as life -- of which life is then lives as how life is supposed to be lived -- giving everyone the basic necessities of life that is not freely given in this current monetary system because self-interest is the plight of freedom.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to redefine freedom in a way that is best for all because I only searched for freedom within and as my likes and dislikes -- which are dispositions that I created within and as myself based on relationships that I formed with pictures -- that gives me a good feeling or bad feeling -- thus within this, desire to re-generate my feelings through and as finding / creating relationships that supports who I am as a personality -- looking for a feeling to complete me -- instead of realizing that freedom has never existed in this world and reality and is not subject to likes and dislikes -- which are dispositions of the mind -- that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become through and as -- self-dishonesty, self-manipulation, self-judgment, etc. of which I abdicate myself from seeing / realizing / understanding the the common-sense points that are not considered to bring about a world that is 'best for all' because common-sense has been redefined within society within the dimension of self-interest for the sake of keeping the monetary system stable to support the elite.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that by supporting relationships within and as this world to support my self-interests, I also support the elite of this world -- as I give them more money because we never stood as a collective humanity to stop what has been accepted and allowed because of our desires to fulfill that which we have separated ourselves from -- instead of realizing that everything can be fulfilled in this world and reality through and as equality -- as the creation of a system that supports what is best for all life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the participation within transgenderism to be real. Thus within defining it as real, I define it as free because of society, and how it is not a part of the mainstream society, but considered unconventional in most cases -- instead of realizing that transgenderism is in-fact based on the pictured-presentation of the human physical body, in relation to other pictures (shoes, fabric, accessories) that has been defined as feminine or masculine over time -- giving value to conceptualizations that has become beliefs as the creation of how we present ourselves to others in this world and reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see Desteni as a religion because I didn't want to take self-responsibility in bringing about a world that is best for all -- because in order to bring about a world that is best for all means that I have to give up my self-interests -- that I defined as 'freedom' -- the freedom to create relationships of which I can experience myself within and as -- having a 'good feeling' as a point of fulfilling the particular specific relationship pattern that I have cycled through over and over again for many years -- thinking that am always discovering something new in my world and reality, but the only thing that I am dis-covering is the a new form of 'energy' that feeds my ego as self-interest -- to remained locked as personality that doesn't give a shit about others but myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self-responsibility in releasing all points that I have locked myself into -- as constructs that have been defined from/as society -- as being 'good' or 'bad' -- thus within this relationship, take that which is considered 'bad' -- as unconventional, taboo, wrong, immoral, unethical and live those points in order to expand who I am as a 'personality' searching for freedom / happiness -- but I haven't realized for myself that happiness and freedom cannot be birthed from a separate point of myself, but that I perceived myself separate from my own self as that which makes me 'feel good' -- because I have not taken self-responsibility to bring about a world that is best for all -- which manifests permanent 'goodness' for all.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the manifestation of the desire to 'feel good' means that we do not have a world that is best for all because that which makes me feel good -- is that which exists 'separate' from me -- instead of realizing that 'permanent goodness' can exist for all simultaneously through the creation of a system that supports all beings equally and optimally.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that gender identity exists because I have accepted and allowed myself to conform to the judgments of how society sees gender identity -- that is solely based on pictures, and how, over time, has become a genetic imprint within/as knowledge and information -- as the definition of gender identity as how we move, how we dress, how we speak, etc. -- seeing masculinity or femininity as more than or less than, and/or formulating one's own concept about gender identity -- instead of realizing that within defining myself based on gender identity, I conform myself to and as a 'picture' that represents femininity or masculinity based on my preconceived judgments that I have about a particular picture that fits the idea of something that I define as feminine or masculine of which I -- within this moment -- declare that picture-form / presentation to have more power over me to influence my decision making on what to wear, how to move, how to speak etc. in relationship to that picture.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am only transgressing knowledge and information and going to another perspective of knowledge and information as the 'polarity' of that which I am transgressing within the construct of gender identity and gender roles -- of which I within this am like a hamster on a wheel in a cage going round and round turning the wheel of polarity and never really actually proceeding any further than that, but believe i am because I feel 'energized' when I am participating in what I 'like' based on the 'good feelings' that I have subjugated myself to -- that gives me 'life' as the personality -- of which I fear the death of me if I am not able to "express" myself within how I 'feel' should be done within knowledge and information about society -- but not considering what would be best for all which is -- that gender identity is simply a construct based on relationships formed within and as judging pictures as more than or less than, and that within a world that of and as equality -- gender identity cannot exist based on its starting-point of existence -- as separation.
I commit myself to see, realize, and understand that defining myself within and as self-interest based on pictures cannot bring about a world that is best for all because I am constantly and continuously cycling in the same patterns over and over again to get energy from those experiences because I defined energy as life and believe that if I am not getting 'energy' within self-interest, I will die, but not realizing that I will simply 'die' as the personality as ego/self-interest and birth myself into/as life -- creating / establishing principles that support life as what is best for all.
I commit myself to unconditional self-forgiveness -- because I have created myself to be the integrity of relationship patterns that I have entrusted as the life of me -- only seeing that which supports who I am according to the relationship patterns that I have established within me -- as who I am, and how I create myself to be in this world and reality. Thus, to unconditionally forgive because the very point of logic itself -- as what I use to justify how something is valid or not -- is from a starting point of self-interest because all of my relationship patterns within/as who I am is of self-interest -- only feeding / developing who I am as a name -- Leon Perry -- that I have defined as 'real' by and through my participations with others in this world -- of which I justify why I don't have to take self-responsibility within and as all of that which I react to -- as excuses to remain the personality.
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