Day 10 | Placing Value Within My Childhood

Today, me and my agreement partner talked about making room in the closet, but couldn't effectively make room because there were DVDs and trophies in the way. We were talking about getting rid of them, or at least giving them to someone else, but I had an aversion to do that because I didn't want to give them up. I earned three trophies in my life -- 2 of them were spelling bee trophies and one was earned through an actor's conservatory trade school. I felt that I was getting rid of a part of me, thus, I placed my own value within something that initially had no value, and made it valuable by making myself 'less than' my own efforts to earn it in order to feel 'more than' (through winning and losing).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my own value within something that initially had no value, and made it valuable by making myself 'less than' my own efforts to earn it in order to feel 'more than' (through winning and losing).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the existence of 'value', and 'no value' -- and believe that I do not have value, thus, exist within competition in order to 'win' or 'achieve' something so I can 'gain value' through a person, place, or thing -- that I perceive myself 'separate' from so I can specialize it by hanging it up on the wall, wearing it, decorating it, etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself create the feeling of 'love' to/towards something that I 'value' because of my relationship that I formed with it from a point of 'no value' -- and thus make love 'valuable' as something that is 'real'. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'separate' myself from that which I 'love' and to thus multiply that love onto other forms, shapes, and colors, so that I can multiple that which I value to make me feel complete within what I value -- because I feel that without valuing things, life is not worth living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define life as valuing things, and thus to create experiences within my world and reality that creates the 'effect' of value so that I can get my 'high' within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am valueless as an adult, thus, need to keep things that I had within my childhood so I can remember who I am as a child -- because I have separated me from life 'here'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me from innocence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect innocence to only being a child, and to believe that when I get older, I lose that innocence, and thus need to keep things in my childhood to remind me of the innocent 'creature' I was.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that as a child, I was 'more pure', and thus place value as that 'purity', and want to keep that what I defined as 'pure', so that I can never become totally 'impure' within my adulthood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being a child to being pure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being an adult to being impure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the construct polarity of 'purity' and 'impurity'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that in order to be 'pure', there has to be the creation of impurity to balance it out, thus, desire to be pure as the mind without actually stopping both polarities of 'purity' and 'impurity' that only exist as energetics of self-deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value within my childhood because I defined me as 'valueless' as an adult, thus believe that I need to keep my trophies to keep the 'personality' of me as a child in-tact, in order to feel 'valued' as a mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect 'love' to 'value'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within competition within my childhood of wanting to 'win' so that I can feel special, and thus, place value within my trophies as a projection of competition within winning/losing, and feeling 'more-than' others because I don't want to feel 'less-than' through 'loss', and thus, call myself 'pure' when I was a child as an 'adult' -- not seeing the manipulation that I exist within/as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as 'pure' based on what I believed to be 'less mind' as a child based on my form, and judging my child form as 'more-than' compared to my 'adult' form as 'less-than' -- connecting an 'adult' form being more 'ingrained' within the mind, thus, seeing myself as 'less-than' in which I validate my own existence as the mind.

I commit myself to stop the existence within the polarity of 'value' and 'no value' of which I formed the expression of me as a 'personality' that I use to manipulate myself.