17 September 2011

Giving Tips; Feeling 'Special'

I gave hefty tips to some of the waitresses at a Thai restaurant that I go to sometimes. It appears now, though, that they are under new management with different people. I had one favorite that I "liked" within the previous management, therefore, I gave her hefty tips.

The question is, why did I like her though? I never sat down and investigated that point. I can say the reason that I liked her is because it was a polarity of what I have accepted and allowed myself to define me as. The reason that I liked her is because she is of a race that I defined as 'exotic' -- which is the Thai race. I specialized her anatomical structure, accent and complexion BECAUSE I defined myself as 'normal' as 'not special'.

So within that definition of defining someone that I have 'separated' myself from as 'special', I actually reveal my own self-abuse through symbols, concepts, beliefs, etc.

Not only did I define her as 'special' (through comparison), but I also judged her within/as symbols, concepts, beliefs, etc. (as limitation) within/as her only existent within/as a 'picture' (the three-dimensional physiological makeup).

Through/Within the comparison and judgment, there is a point of jealously of desiring to be 'her' -- to 'become special'. Therefore, I have separated 'specialness' within/as the attributes of a 'three-dimensional picture' (as the integrity of her physical body).

Points That I Saw Within This:
  • Defining myself as 'normal'
  • Defining myself as 'not special'
  • Belief that 'normal' and 'special' exists
  • Perceiving myself 'separate' from the Thai race
  • Defining myself as a 'black' person 'separate' from a 'Thai' person
  • Supporting the integrity of 'culture' to exist within/as 'personality'
  • Defining myself as a male 'separate' from a female
  • Giving tips in order for the waitresses to 'like' me
  • Giving tips as the 'declaration' that I am 'separate' from the Thai waitress that I believe is 'special'
  • Comparing the me with the 'Thai' waitress: examining and noting the similarities or differences between us to make me feel as 'special' as he
  • Judging the 'Thai' waitress: forming a critical opinion of the 'Thai' waitress according to her personality in relation to her physical attributes -- so that I can find some 'imperfections'with her to make her appear 'less special'
  • Belief that some people are 'perfect' and some people are 'not perfect' according to the shape of their physical body
  • Being jealous of the 'Thai' waitress because I defined her race as 'more than'
  • Being jealous of the 'Thai' waitress because I defined her as 'more than'
  • Competition with the 'Thai' waitress within/as comparison, judgment and jealousy
Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as 'normal'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as 'not special'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'normal' and 'special' exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself 'separate' from the Thai race.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a 'black' person 'separate' from a 'Thai' person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support the integrity of 'culture' to exist within/as 'personality'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a male 'separate' from a female.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give tips in order for the waitresses to 'like' me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give tips as the 'declaration' that I am 'separate' from the Thai waitress that I believe is 'special'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with the 'Thai' waitress: examining and noting the similarities or differences between us to make me feel as 'special' as her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the 'Thai' waitress: forming a critical opinion of her according to her personality in relation to her physical attributes -- so that I can find some 'imperfections' with her to make her appear 'less special'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that some people are 'perfect' and some people are 'not perfect' according to the shape of their physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become 'jealous' of the 'Thai' waitress because I defined her race as 'more than'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become 'jealous' of the 'Thai' waitress because I defined her as 'more than'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with the 'Thai' waitress within/as comparison, judgment and jealousy.

Self-Corrective Statements:

I am Thai.

I am not Thai.

I am a female.

I am a male.

I am here.

I speak English.

I speak Thai.

I am not 'less than' language.

I am not 'more than' language.

Thai is not an 'exotic' language.

Exotic things do not exist.

I am exotic.

I am not exotic.

I am 'normal'.

I am 'not normal'.

I am 'special'.

I am 'not special'.

I am 'culture'.

I do not have a 'culture'.

I do not need to 'depend' on 'specialness' to create me. I create me.

I do not need to 'depend' on 'exotica' to create me. I create me.

I do not need to 'depend' on 'culture' to create me. I create me.

I do not need to 'depend' on 'personality' to create me. I create me.

I do not need to 'depend' on 'language' to create me. I create me.

I do not need to 'depend' on 'beliefs' to create me. I create me.

I do not need to 'depend' on 'gender' to create me. I create me.

I do not need to 'depend' on 'looks' to create me. I create me.

Self-Corrective Application:

When and as I see myself go into a pattern of desire, I stop; I breath, and I let go. I realize that it needs my participation for desire to exist. I realize that this is not best for me, and not best for all. I stop my participation.

When and as I see myself go into a pattern of competition, I stop; I breath, and I let go. I realize that it needs my participation for competition to exist within/as comparison, judgment and jealousy. I realize that this is not best for me, and not best for all. I stop my participation.

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