Warning: Movie Spoiler!
On Saturday, August 21st 2011, "J" and I went to see Mr. Popper's penguins. Our starting point for going to the movies was to see a 'random' movie to fuck with the mind as 'desire' because I originally wanted to see The Green Lantern.
So we watched a couple of trailers and decided watch 'Mr. Popper's Penguins' because it had animals in it. I was never interested in this movie from a 'desire' perspective, but the movie turned out to be 'pretty good'. One of the good things about watching movies is that I am able to see points. I saw a couple of points in this movie that I'd like to share and do self-forgiveness for them.
Points I Saw When Watching Mr. Popper's Penguins:
- Mr. Popper was in a restaurant interviewing an owner of the it to make a sales deal. He didn't want to sit on a particular table because he associated that table with a memory of his father. His father used to take him and his wife to the restaurant sometimes for dinner.
I kept my blanket I had since childhood because I didn't want to 'lose' a part of me (my childhood). "J" told me that I should get rid of the blanket, but I had resistance. I knew that it was torn, but it was a part of my life. "J" put it in a bag to get rid of it. I felt a sense of 'loss', but I did self-forgiveness thereafter.
- Mr. Popper's Daughter, Janie, gets emotional when a guy named Cooper Keegan asks her to dance, but never calls her.
Before the agreement with "J", there was a 'female' that I liked because she was the 'reflection' of how I felt about what I perceived myself to be. I met her at Lenny's Sub Shop. She didn't give me her number right away, but I got her number a few times after going there. She invited me to a club one night, and I got a chance to dance intimately with her. It felt good. I thought that maybe it could develop into a relationship. I tried to get into a relationship with her a few times, but she always told me that she didn't want a relationship. She said that she was trying to get herself together. One day she called me and we talked. One point that came up was that she told me that some people are just not meant to be together, but I didn't want to accept this. I believed that we were 'meant' to be together, so I didn't give up on wanting to be in a relationship with her. One day I went over her house, and was tired of her 'shady' ways. She always had 'walls' built around her, so I 'expressed' that anger (and tried to break the walls) by being honest about how I felt. She told me that she was going next door; I went out with her, but she said that she didn't want to see me again. I tried to shake her hand, but she flicked it away. Subsequently, I went to the car and started crying.
- Mr. Popper's Daughter, Janie, went to an apparel shop to shop for some clothes for the 'Snow Ball Dance' with Cooper Keegan. She tried several different clothes, but was never satisfied with her looks. When she finally chose something to wear, she showed her father and brother, and they both told her that she looked 'pretty'.
Before the agreement with "J", there was a girl that I was attracted to. She was one of my closest acquaintances. I had a desire to have a relationship with her and to fuck her. She has thick legs which was one of my primary points of attraction to her. One day she wore something that was more 'revealing' and I judged her as 'pretty' because of the clothes and the make-up she had on.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate that which is real and physical 'here', with a memory of my childhood.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will 'lose' a part of me (my childhood) if I get rid of my blanket.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself 'separate' from "A", and so within that, believe that I was 'meant' to be with 'her' (in a relationship).
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the body (which is real) to concepts of 'pretty' and 'ugly' (which is not real).
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the body (which is real) to concepts of 'attractive' and 'unattractive' (which is not real).
'Til here no further: I am not defined by childhood experiences.
'Til here no further: I am not defined by adulthood experiences.
'Til here no further: I am not defined by relationships.
'Til here no further: I am not defined by gender.
'Til here no further: I am not defined by the past.
'Til here no further: I am not defined by desire.
'Til here no further: I am not defined by concepts.
Note: Most adjectives are concepts such as: pretty, ugly, smart, dumb, powerful, weak.
When and as I see myself go into a pattern of reliving the past, I stop, I stand, I breath, and I let go. I realize that it takes my participation for memories and associations to exist. I realize that this is not best for me, and not best for all.