Precarious Agreement; Family Time

The agreement with "J" is precarious from the perspective of wanting to be solitary sometimes. My association with "J" has been very involved, but before the agreement, I was able to 'freely' move around and associate with other members of my family and friend. Although I was dishonest before, being with "J" has opened up the point of me taking self-responsibility in being self-honest around others. Although, I still want to 'acquaint' with other people sometimes: from the perspective that I want time spent away from "J" to hang with my family, play video games, watch movies and what-not, me and "J" do associate together with my family. From my understanding with "J" though, the conversation about spending time with family by myself concludes that the relationships that I have aren't real anyway so what would be the starting point of associating with my family/friends? From my perspective, one is able to transcend specific points not only within an agreement, but with family/friends, and also have the ability to assist and support them as what they have accepted and allowed themselves to be and become.

There is a point with my step-father where I connect playing the video game with the times that we spent together in the past playing video games when everything was not as 'difficult' from the perspective of the survival strategies that it takes to maintain a living, but otherwise, it is a cool way to 'relax' from the 'stressful' environment of the 'workforce'. Although stress doesn't exist intrinsically, it has been created as the 'fabric' of survival to 'squeeze' the most money out of an individual through the 'sweat' of a brow.

I do also 'miss' the family times that my mom and step-father had together when they were 'together' as a married couple -- which would be another reason for wanting to play video games with my step-dad. Although the relationship, intrinsically, wasn't real, I simply 'enjoy' the time spent with my step-father while he is still around. My self-forgiveness that I do is, for one, forgiving myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self-responsibility in being self-honest in every moment while I am with him. Another self-forgiveness point is associating playing the game with him with my 'past' relationship with him as a 'child' and him as my 'step-father' married to my mother. Another self-forgiveness statement is realizing that although, I might be 'enjoying' myself, to realize that the relationship, intrinsically, is fabricated, thus to not react as the 'program' within the program, but as the self 'here' within/as the family structure of my step-father.

This point has caused a precarious agreement that almost ended because it is as though I am 'suffocated' under her as I have been around her, primarily, than anyone else since the agreement -- which is one of the primary reasons why I left Christianity due to me being 'suffocated' in one area of life rather than allowing myself to be 'involved socially' with 'the rest of the world'. Within this point, I am able to assist myself as I assist others within the social endeavor. The way that I see it is that I shouldn't, because I am in agreement with "J", be around her virtually all of the time.

Points I Saw Within This:

• Feeling that it is 'wrong' to be with my family

• Desire to be in solitude

• Aversion to be around "J"

• Not taking self-responsibility in being self-honest in every moment

• Associating playing the game with my step-dad with my 'past' relationship with my him as a 'child'

• Belief that 'stress' exists

• Belief that my step-father is my step-father

• Belief that my step-father was married to my mom

• Belief that my mom is my mom

• Belief that my family is my family

• Wanting a back-door out of the agreement

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that it is 'wrong' to be with my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that it is 'wrong' to be with my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a desire to be in solitude.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an aversion to be around "J".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self-responsibility in being self-honest in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate playing the game with my step-dad with my 'past' relationship with him as a 'child'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'stress' exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my step-father is my step-father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my step-father was married to my mom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my mom is my mom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my family is my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a back-door out of the agreement.

Self-Corrective Statements:

I am 'here'.

I am Self.

I am not defined by my family.

I am not defined by my image.

I do not have a step-dad. The being that is within/as the body of my step-dad is equal and one as who I am 'here'.

I do not have a mother. The being that is within/as the body of my mother is equal and one as who I am 'here'.

I am equal and one as all that exists.

I am not defined by relationships.

I am not defined by memories.

I am not defined by who I was as a child.

I am not defined by thoughts.

I am not defined by feelings.

I am not defined by emotions.

I am not defined by the 'workforce'.

I am not defined by stress.

I am not defined by the agreement with "J".

I am agreement.

I am not 'separate' from "J".

I am the breath.

I am life.

The relationship with "B" (my step-dad) intrinsically doesn't exist.

The relationships with "O" (my mother) intrinsically doesn't exist.

The relationship with my family intrinsically doesn't exist.

The relationship with "B" is the result of a program.

The relationship with "O" is the result of a program.

The relationships with my family is the result of different programs.

The relationship with "B" is the result of biological attributes that mathematically equal to the specific relationship that we have.

The relationship with "O" is the result of biological attributes that mathematically equal to the specific relationship that we have.

The relationships with my family is the result of biological attributes that mathematically equal to the specific relationships that we have.