Me and J decided to chat with each other on April 11th 2011. The chat kinda took off spontaneously and I developed a sense of fearing 'intimacy' because we were talking about relationships & agreements. I believed that I don't suppose to talk to people on that level.
Emotions That Came Up:
Fear of Intimacy, Sense of Guilt
Words / Phrases Behind the Thought:
1) I should remain unemotional.
2) This is wrong.
3) The system doesn't allow this emotional interaction.
4) Sex is wrong.
5) I am 'disobeying' the system if I interact with intimacy to/towards something / someone.
Points I Saw Within This:
1) When I see people (women especially), I should remain unemotional because people turn their heads quickly (signifying apathy).
I looked at many women in my life and the impression that I get don't seem to match their looks. They usually turn around fast as to not 'show' any 'emotion', and as not to establish any 'intimate' association. So no matter how 'attractive' the appearance, the demeanor seems pretty apathetic. So I incorporated this within my reality -- incorporated a sense of 'apathy' -- 'wanting' to be like 'women' in order to 'please' them -- because of the belief that this is the 'right' thing to do. So my belief is that women 'like' unemotional associations because women 'turn their head' quickly when I look at them. The 'picture' that I have in my 'mind' is a picture of an attractive 'white' woman who's demeanor is 'serious' -- so I try to incorporate that impression within/as the 'integrity' of my 'personality construct'.
2) When I go to the doctor sometimes, they ask if you had 'sex' over a specific amount of years, so I felt that I shouldn't have sex because everyone is having sex making me 'feel' as though I am just another 'piece of meat' in the system -- thus is the reason why everyone gets 'treated' like a 'piece of meat'. Thus, the more 'sex' people have, the more 'abuse' will exist within the world.
This point originated from the 'government' and how the 'government' likes to 'test' us physiologically, mentally, etc. Therefore, us being pieces of 'meat' in a system that is controlled by the 'government'. The 'government' doesn't want us to have sex because sex is too 'expressive'. Anything that has to do with 'expression' is considered 'taboo'. Now the question is, why is this point related to the government? Because it is the 'government' that has total control over our us. The government brainwashes us through the media in order for the government to propose a civilization that 'follows blindly'; the government teaches what we need to know in order to understand the methodologies of the system through 'education', therefore, blindly following and dictating the 'knowledge' of the 'system'; the government and plays with our health by utilizing 'money' as a means to 'control' our illnesses so not to give us a 'pure cure' or it'll 'destroy' the profit-making scheme 'behind' the health industry. Also, if you look at this Desteni video, it informs how the government uses nanotechnology to control us from a physiological perspective: