Today, a point came up wherein I see myself as 'lagging' behind and not 'catching' up with blogging and interacting with other Destonians about the 'agreement' like J is doing. Thus, the competition has always been in me because of the belief that I am 'behind' in my blogs. This point exists because I have procrastinated in the past, and now the 'catching up' seems as though I am not 'doing enough', or not going 'fast' enough'.
Emotions That Came Up:
Words / Phrases Behind the Thought:
1) I don't want to communicate with other Destonians that much to cause 'conflict' which then causes a bunch of 'misunderstandings'.
2) "J" is participating in the 'agreement' more. Why does she want to be in an 'agreement' with someone that doesn't participate with Desteni from a 'forthcoming' perspective?
3) "J" is participating in the 'agreement' more, and it seems as though I am not working 'hard' / 'fast' enough -- from the perspective of blogging and vlogging.
Points I Saw Within This:
See myself as 'lagging' behind and not 'catching' up because, in the past, I procrastinated a lot.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as 'procrastination' -- in which I continue to support the 'infrastructure' of the mind -- instead of 'directing' myself in every moment of breath and standing as an 'example' of/as 'practicality'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live 'agreement' as 'competition of processes' instead of realizing that I am supporting the mind as 'relationship' rather than 'equality'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my 'process' based on the observations / judgments of others.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to 'push' myself in moment where I am 'procrastinating' -- allowing the mind to 'possess' me into/as 'laziness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make 'assumptions' about the 'future', thus, manifesting that 'assumption' as 'reality' -- because I 'lived' it within my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'agreement' is 'separate' from me -- instead of realizing that 'agreement' is -- as who I am 'here'.
An 'agreement' is who I am 'here'. Nothing exists 'separate' from me.
My process is not about how the 'others' see me as -- because the 'others' don't exist.
Emotions are 'relationship-ties' that connects the 'physical here' with a memory 'tied' to the past, thus defining the 'physical here' based on 'past events'. I do not accept or allow myself to continue living in the past in which I 'redefine' what is here as a mind-construct.
To 'apply' myself accordingly without procrastination.