09 January 2011

Leather Coat

I Had a Dream
So I had a dream that my aunt came over and she looked in a bag of mine where I had a lot of women's clothes. She thought they were for someone else, but I informed her that they are mine. Basically, she looked through the bag, but she stated that the clothes could be good for you in your 'woman' form as Leslie. She didn't say that name, but that is a name that I thought of myself to give myself a 'female' name for the 'expression' of me as a female impersonator, but I don't want to identify myself as that name because it kinda forms a 'veil' over who I am as Leon -- which is the name that I was given at birth. In every moment, I am Leon, and Leon should be the name that stays with me no matter where I am, who I am with or what I have on -- even if what I have on doesn't 'fit' the definition of a man. That idea also has to be deleted because what makes a man a man within our reality is simply ego which forms a 'picture' of what a man looks like within/as 'style' and how a man should behave, etc. Thus, I am still 'Leon' when I wear women's clothes. And it's not even that I'm wearing women's clothing, it is the 'identity' that was given to the clothes based on the shape of a female and the 'identity' and 'style' of a 'female' -- manifesting different forms of expression into 'fabric' that is different from a man. Thus I understand that all is me. Thus, whatever I wear shouldn't change who I am 'here'. I am 'Leon', and I am a man, and I have to accept that. I shouldn't have to change my identity as 'Leon' as a man because of what I have on -- making me a 'female' or 'feminine'. I realized something the other day: Masculinity is Femininity. Femininity is Masculinity, and if we walk that expression as who we are, then 'gender identity' will cease to exist. All will be one -- 'here' expressing ourselves as 'life'.

Female Impersonation
The 'idea' of female impersonation sounds nice. You dress up 'like a female' with makeup, lipstick, shoes, and all of the accessories and you impersonate a female, but what is actually being impersonated? What is actually being impersonated is a 'personality' -- a 'resonant impression' that women walk as in which they define themselves as 'women' -- which is 'ego-based' -- thus impersonating a 'system' as a 'system'. There's nothing 'wrong' with systems, but systems are always 'systematic' -- mechanical and can never be 'conscious' to 'move' change or reconstruct itself -- because a system only knows how to be a system and nothing else, thus creating 'possession' -- something like 'demon possession' -- because what have demons done in the past? They feed of a point that is prominent within that person as the person walks as that point in full throttle. So I don't want to 'impersonate' a system. I am the system. Man is woman and woman is man. Why do I say that? Because the man needs the female in order to identify himself as a man. Without 'female', man can never identify himself as a man because there would be nothing that exists as a point where a man is able to feed off of it in order to define himself. Therefore is man the actual 'female impersonator'? Hahahahaha!

What is a Man?
Why do I call myself a man? Because that is my mind-placement as the understanding that I am a man. I came out of my mother's vagina and grew up believing that I was a 'male', therefore, I identify myself as man. I can be nothing else but a man because that is what I identify myself as -- which has nothing to do with my physical body per se. Some people identify themselves as a women even though they have a male physical body. It all depends on how the person identify themselves.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am, as a man, the actual 'female impersonator' -- feeding off 'women' in order to identify myself as a man instead of dropping all beLIEfs about how I should behave as a man.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form a 'personality' when I wear women's clothes instead of walking as who I am as 'stability' in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'fear' my 'femininity' as a man.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that femininity and masculinity exists and that I should incorporate one or the other to 'find' myself within/as my 'gender identity' instead of realizing 'gender identity' as 'limitation' and ego-based as a 'vehicle' of separation and abuse. Why abuse? Because the man (or woman, but mostly man) can 'freely' form more 'personalities' because of his definition as a 'man' and use those 'personalities' to abuse others through war, power and greed. You want some examples? Money. Men get paid more than women because they are 'men' and because they 'act' like men. Some men initiate fights with other men and women to prove themselves as man. Some men don't like to be touched by other men because they are 'men' forming personalities and limitations with other men which form experiences such as 'gay bashing'. These are just a few examples that came up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept my name as 'Leon' as who I am when I am wearing women's clothing because of the beLIEf that it is 'more appropriate' / 'better' to identify myself as a 'feminine' name to 'suit' what I wear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself based on the 'image' of who I am as a man.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to 'walk as' the definition of who I am as man -- believing that I should 'walk as' the definition of who I am as a man according to the accepted beLIEfs and ideas of what a 'man' is.

I forgive myself for not accepting me as a man.

Gender Idenity is limitation.

Gender Identity is abuse as one of the primary vehicles of ego-possession where a man can freely identify himself as man and 'abuse' others because of his identity and where a woman can freely identify herself as a woman and get away with a lot of bullshit -- not taking self-responsibility for who she is as a female.

Masculinity is Femininity. Femininity is Masculinity.

No comments:

Post a Comment