Here in this blog, I am writing some self-forgivenesses in relation to a decision that I made when getting picked up by a personal driver to go home. This blog may offend some, but understand that the blog is not aimed at anyone in particular, but I am simply directing the points that I personally experienced in this blog to bring clarity to myself and also, I am making commitments that I can live by as self-corrections for myself in relation to the things that emerged in my mind as 'blueprints' of how I will relive the situation / circumstance when I am faced with it again.
So for example, a thought may come up during the reading of the blog that I am prejudiced against my own race. This thought that emerged can be an opportunity for one to see how one has, within themselves, compared yourself to a person or people of another race because what I found out is that every time there is a reaction within me, it is a reference to something in my mind where I am existing within a point of comparison -- where I either compared myself to someone else in a way that I perceive myself as inferior to them or where I compared myself to someone else in a way that I perceive myself as 'superior' than them. So one can, thus, take self-responsibility for the reaction(s) that emerges so that one can gift oneself a point of 'stability' in relation to it -- meaning that one will no longer react when encountering a similar experience that has similar context.
Self-forgiveness is something that I personally utilize for myself to become aware of what I am reacting to -- that I use within writing and speaking, as a way of dropping / releasing my relationship to whatever or whomever I compared myself to so I can then, from that point, be able to properly, and with clarity, commit myself to consistently walk a correction-point to the very thing that I reacted to initially -- meaning that I change my relationship from being 'reactive' to it / them / the circumstance to being the directive-principle the situation which creates a stability to the situation.
To acquire a better understanding of what self-forgiveness is, please feel free to visit my other blog about self-forgiveness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that since I am black, Caucasian people find me hostile, and so when the Caucasian female personal driver asked me what kind of music I want to listen to, make the decision to listen to Country Music from the starting-point of attempting to show her that I am not hostile, but rather, eclectic.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that black people that are more eclectic are less hostile.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that black people are the most hostile race.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that me believing that black people are the most hostile race is a point of 'blame' in itself, and that me harvesting that blame-point is a blueprint that produces hostility because of how the very act of blaming can be used to elicit hostile situations, and so therefore, not realize how I support hostility within my very own belief that black people are the most hostile race, and also within my very own decision to listen to Country music as a way of appeasing the Caucasian female personal driver.
I see, realize, and understand that decisions that I make that are seemingly antithetical (sharply contrasted) to a particular thought or a belief that I harvest in my mind can actually support that thought or belief, and thus, invigorate its connotation.
I commit myself to assess my intentions about something, and to gain an awareness of what that particular decision or intention is supporting.
I commit myself to when I am making decisions, to make decisions that do not have or elicit any emotional value because I see, realize, and understand that when decisions have 'emotional value' attached to them, that it is a reference that the decision that I am making is 'polarized' meaning that the decision that I am making is actually being made as a point of trying to escape from a particular thought or a belief in my mind by making a decision that appears to be opposite of that particular thought or a belief, but is actually invigorating that particular thought or belief, thus, perpetuating its core connotation.