To give perspective of this blog, I had a dream, and I was in a warehouse. Now this warehouse was in South Africa, but there was one part of the warehouse that had a room in the back. I went inside of that room and, low and behold, it was my mom's and step-dad's closet that was part of an apartment that we lived in when I was younger.
The point is, is that there were two pieces of components in this dream that were unrelated which was -- a warehouse in South Africa that I've never been in (that I don't even know is real or not), and a door in the back of the warehouse that was a closet from a part of an apartment that I used to live in with my parents. So here in this blog, I'd like to write some self-forgivenesses in relation to how this relates to 'trusting' one's own mind without actually considering the parts / components that creates one's objective experience to something.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust in my mind / my emotions / my feelings / my thoughts, etc., and not realize how the mind, on deep levels, can twist information and create a entire new piece of information that I believe is 'real'.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the things that I 'react' to in my life are the same as, for example, me reacting in fear and anxiety to the warehouse in South Africa that was totally fabricated by my own mind that I did not have an actual real experience of.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the emotions and feelings that emerge within myself that triggers an 'emotional reaction' to something or someone are, in-fact, the very first time in that moment that I am experiencing the particular emotion or feeling when considering the nuances that goes into creating an emotional experience within the mind such as the level of intensity, strength, etc. of the emotion / feeling -- that are connected to what I am objectively seeing in the moment: the people, the colors, the shapes, the sounds, etc. that are calibrated to create the specific emotional reaction, and not realize how some of the information that creates the specific emotional intensity and strength may have also been specifically calibrated from information within me that I may have no awareness of whether that information / component / memory / thought, etc. was changed / manipulated for that emotion to effectively trigger that particular emotional experience in that particular moment.
And so thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my own mind / my emotions / my feelings / my thoughts, etc., in a certain moment with no awareness of what it is that is, in-fact, creating that emotional experience, but to instead, blindly trust the intensity of the emotion / feeling because of its effect that it has on me.
I commit myself to take assess what, within myself, are the parts / components, the information, memories, thoughts, etc., and also assess the outside influences that constitute to an emotional experience such as the color of someone's skin, and within that, understand my relationship that have created my like / dislike to it / them or my opinion about it / them.
I commit myself to trust myself by questioning the nature of my thoughts and emotional experiences instead of just giving in to them by creating an 'identity' to them or by 'reacting' to the emotional experiences that emerge in that moment.
I commit myself to trust myself by seeing, realizing, and understanding the underlying causes of why I perceive something in a certain way to ensure that my perception is clear, and not obscured by memories, emotions, feelings, thoughts, etc. that I have created an 'identity' to -- over the years.