Insulin is basically a hormone that is secreted in the pancreas that provides energy to the cells and tissues in the body. Sometimes, insulin is created from the pancreas, but is not able to get into the cells to provide the cells with energy. This is called insulin resistance which is what type 2 diabetes is. When I first heard about the causes of insulin resistance, I understood it as something that happens when too much foods high in sugar content is consumed overtime which leads to insulin resistance. But supposedly, according to Dr. Robert Lustig in an interview with Oprah, the fructose in sugar gets turned into liver fat which can prevent the liver from processing insulin properly. This may lead to insulin resistance and metabolic syndrome, which puts one at greater risk for type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and stroke.
I see, realize, and understand that I created a fear to eating foods that have sugary content, and this includes foods that are high in carbohydrates. When I learned what insulin was and how sugar can spike the glucose levels in the blood, I immediately went to learn a bit more about sugar and its relationship to carbohydrates. What I learned about carbohydrates is that there are three forms of carbohydrates: starches, fiber, and sugar. And so from this knowledge and information that I gained, I sought to cut out a lot of carbs from my diet so that I can stay healthy.
So here in this blog, I want to write some self-forgivenesses about my relationship that I created to / towards sugar and carbohydrates.
Self-forgiveness allows me to give myself the opportunity, through writing, the opportunity to look at my relationship to Sugar and my relationship to Stevia, and to investigate the reason(s) why I see Stevia as being a product that is 'better than' sugar. Self-forgiveness allows me to draw from specific memories -- the similar behaviors that I had when I was a child, and from within that, see how I am living that or those same patterns within the 'present' physical reality. For instance, when I was young, I realize how I saw cakes as something 'better than' normal food which is the reason why I ate cakes on birthdays when I was young because it gave me a 'pleasant' experience, and so because Stevia gives me a relationship of 'relief' towards it -- from the perspective that, according to the knowledge and information about Stevia being a product that doesn't spike the blood sugar, I saw it as 'better than' sugar, and I realize that this belief that it is 'better than' is because of my fear of getting or having diabetes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live those same patterns that I did as a child within my 'adult' life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, as a child, see cakes as 'better than' foods such as vegetables and meat because it 'tastes' better, and so within this, use 'cakes' to intensify the 'positive experiences' that I created within my birthday events.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of 'relief' within myself based on the knowledge and information that I retrieved within my life about the effects of Stevia, and how Stevia, supposedly, does not raise insulin levels in the physical body, and so within this, judge Stevia as being 'better than' Sugar -- instead of realizing how me judging Stevia as being 'better than' sugar is based on my fear of getting 'diabetes' within my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear eating foods that are high in carbohydrates for fear that if I eat foods that are high in carbohydrates -- that I will, one day, become insulin-resistant, and just like my biological father, will develop diabetes.
I commit myself to, instead of fearing to eat foods that are high in carbohydrates -- see how I can manage my carbohydrate intake by seeing which foods can go with which foods as a way of 'balancing' the glycemic loads within foods.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am 'more prone' to develop diabetes because of my dad having diabetes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to: even if I am or am not more prone to diabetes -- fear becoming a diabetic because of the fear of having a limb (or limbs) amputated as a diabetic.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my fear of becoming diabetic is based on me not having the knowledge of what causes diabetes, and the awareness of what I am putting into my body as forms of food.
I commit myself to study what causes diabetes, and develop and awareness of what I am putting into my body as forms of food, and how it affects my blood-sugar level by investing in a glucose monitor where I can test my blood-sugar levels after each meal and / or when I wake up every morning.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship of fear to the memory of me seeing my step-dad's mother putting insulin needles into her arm, and within this, create a fear within myself because of seeing the point of putting insulin needles in my arm as a 'handicap'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the ability to 'enjoy' life is 'freedom', and that anything that goes against that, such as putting insulin needles in my arm is limiting that ability and 'freedom' to 'enjoy' life, and so define putting insulin needles in my arm as a 'handicap' based on my fear that I won't enjoy life effectively if I have to keep doing it every day because of the belief that it will take time away from the tasks that I enjoy doing.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to question what it is that I am 'enjoying' in life if my living is not lived to my utmost potential in everything that I say and do which is realizing that my utmost potential is living according to what is best for all life in all ways -- as a way of 'giving back to life' that which 'life' has given me -- which is 'life'.
I commit myself to investigate what it means to live my utmost potential and what I can do to 'give back' to life by 1) understanding my relationship to food, and from within understanding my relationship to food, develop discipline as a way of changing my eating habits into 'habits' that support my body's functionality and health instead of 'habits' that only support my sugar cravings, and 2) become familiarized with the Living Income Guaranteed proposal, and what I can do to support in the awareness of how the current money system operates, and how the Living Income Guaranteed proposal can provide a reasonable level of financial security so that everyone may have a dignified life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'like' the 'Stevia' alternative sweetener because of the point being made that it doesn't raise the level of blood sugar in the body, and not realize how this 'like' for Stevia is fueled by the fear of becoming insulin-resistant if I eat too much sugar.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my eating habits as 'okay' because of me not being able to, as a younger male, go into the refrigerator to freely eat the foods that I wanted to eat, and not realize how this justification of my eating habits being 'okay' is based on a fear of not being able to eat the foods that I 'like' to eat. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect diabetes to the person that informed me that I had to ask to go into the refrigerator when I was a younger male, and within this, not realize how this is blaming diabetes, and the person that informed me that I had to ask to go into the refrigerator -- believing that the two are 'controlling' my life.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how this is actually me controlling myself within and as my relationship to 'desire' and 'freedom'.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how I control myself within and through 'freedom' by enjoying things that represent freedom, and enjoying less or having more of a resistance to the things that do not represent freedom within my mind.
Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect sugary foods and sweets to 'freedom', and eating vegetables as an 'obligation' that I 'have' to do, and so 'enjoy' eating sweets within my life (which I connected to freedom), and see vegetables as a food substance that I do not predominantly 'enjoy' but that I 'have' to eat based on what the 'professionals' tell us.
I see, realize, and understand that when I became vegetarian at the time, that my eating habits changed over time from me not really liking vegetables to me liking vegetables, and so I realize that when my 'likes' change -- that my 'likes' are not consistent which means that if I define myself based on what I 'like', then that makes me not consistent either within my 'approach' to things. I realize that this is due to me not 'trusting' myself, but rather, trusting more in the types of foods that I eat, and believing that my 'experience' to the types of foods that I eat is 'who I am' -- not realizing that it is just a reaction.
I commit myself to trust in how my body reacts to food by taking different kinds of tests that can read the types of changes that takes place over-time within my body, and to adjust my food-intake based on those tests.
I see, realize, and understand that I created a fear to eating foods that have sugary content, and this includes foods that are high in carbohydrates. When I learned what insulin was and how sugar can spike the glucose levels in the blood, I immediately went to learn a bit more about sugar and its relationship to carbohydrates. What I learned about carbohydrates is that there are three forms of carbohydrates: starches, fiber, and sugar. And so from this knowledge and information that I gained, I sought to cut out a lot of carbs from my diet so that I can stay healthy.
So here in this blog, I want to write some self-forgivenesses about my relationship that I created to / towards sugar and carbohydrates.
Self-forgiveness allows me to give myself the opportunity, through writing, the opportunity to look at my relationship to Sugar and my relationship to Stevia, and to investigate the reason(s) why I see Stevia as being a product that is 'better than' sugar. Self-forgiveness allows me to draw from specific memories -- the similar behaviors that I had when I was a child, and from within that, see how I am living that or those same patterns within the 'present' physical reality. For instance, when I was young, I realize how I saw cakes as something 'better than' normal food which is the reason why I ate cakes on birthdays when I was young because it gave me a 'pleasant' experience, and so because Stevia gives me a relationship of 'relief' towards it -- from the perspective that, according to the knowledge and information about Stevia being a product that doesn't spike the blood sugar, I saw it as 'better than' sugar, and I realize that this belief that it is 'better than' is because of my fear of getting or having diabetes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live those same patterns that I did as a child within my 'adult' life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, as a child, see cakes as 'better than' foods such as vegetables and meat because it 'tastes' better, and so within this, use 'cakes' to intensify the 'positive experiences' that I created within my birthday events.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of 'relief' within myself based on the knowledge and information that I retrieved within my life about the effects of Stevia, and how Stevia, supposedly, does not raise insulin levels in the physical body, and so within this, judge Stevia as being 'better than' Sugar -- instead of realizing how me judging Stevia as being 'better than' sugar is based on my fear of getting 'diabetes' within my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear eating foods that are high in carbohydrates for fear that if I eat foods that are high in carbohydrates -- that I will, one day, become insulin-resistant, and just like my biological father, will develop diabetes.
I commit myself to, instead of fearing to eat foods that are high in carbohydrates -- see how I can manage my carbohydrate intake by seeing which foods can go with which foods as a way of 'balancing' the glycemic loads within foods.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am 'more prone' to develop diabetes because of my dad having diabetes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to: even if I am or am not more prone to diabetes -- fear becoming a diabetic because of the fear of having a limb (or limbs) amputated as a diabetic.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my fear of becoming diabetic is based on me not having the knowledge of what causes diabetes, and the awareness of what I am putting into my body as forms of food.
I commit myself to study what causes diabetes, and develop and awareness of what I am putting into my body as forms of food, and how it affects my blood-sugar level by investing in a glucose monitor where I can test my blood-sugar levels after each meal and / or when I wake up every morning.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship of fear to the memory of me seeing my step-dad's mother putting insulin needles into her arm, and within this, create a fear within myself because of seeing the point of putting insulin needles in my arm as a 'handicap'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the ability to 'enjoy' life is 'freedom', and that anything that goes against that, such as putting insulin needles in my arm is limiting that ability and 'freedom' to 'enjoy' life, and so define putting insulin needles in my arm as a 'handicap' based on my fear that I won't enjoy life effectively if I have to keep doing it every day because of the belief that it will take time away from the tasks that I enjoy doing.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to question what it is that I am 'enjoying' in life if my living is not lived to my utmost potential in everything that I say and do which is realizing that my utmost potential is living according to what is best for all life in all ways -- as a way of 'giving back to life' that which 'life' has given me -- which is 'life'.
I commit myself to investigate what it means to live my utmost potential and what I can do to 'give back' to life by 1) understanding my relationship to food, and from within understanding my relationship to food, develop discipline as a way of changing my eating habits into 'habits' that support my body's functionality and health instead of 'habits' that only support my sugar cravings, and 2) become familiarized with the Living Income Guaranteed proposal, and what I can do to support in the awareness of how the current money system operates, and how the Living Income Guaranteed proposal can provide a reasonable level of financial security so that everyone may have a dignified life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'like' the 'Stevia' alternative sweetener because of the point being made that it doesn't raise the level of blood sugar in the body, and not realize how this 'like' for Stevia is fueled by the fear of becoming insulin-resistant if I eat too much sugar.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my eating habits as 'okay' because of me not being able to, as a younger male, go into the refrigerator to freely eat the foods that I wanted to eat, and not realize how this justification of my eating habits being 'okay' is based on a fear of not being able to eat the foods that I 'like' to eat. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect diabetes to the person that informed me that I had to ask to go into the refrigerator when I was a younger male, and within this, not realize how this is blaming diabetes, and the person that informed me that I had to ask to go into the refrigerator -- believing that the two are 'controlling' my life.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how this is actually me controlling myself within and as my relationship to 'desire' and 'freedom'.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how I control myself within and through 'freedom' by enjoying things that represent freedom, and enjoying less or having more of a resistance to the things that do not represent freedom within my mind.
Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect sugary foods and sweets to 'freedom', and eating vegetables as an 'obligation' that I 'have' to do, and so 'enjoy' eating sweets within my life (which I connected to freedom), and see vegetables as a food substance that I do not predominantly 'enjoy' but that I 'have' to eat based on what the 'professionals' tell us.
I see, realize, and understand that when I became vegetarian at the time, that my eating habits changed over time from me not really liking vegetables to me liking vegetables, and so I realize that when my 'likes' change -- that my 'likes' are not consistent which means that if I define myself based on what I 'like', then that makes me not consistent either within my 'approach' to things. I realize that this is due to me not 'trusting' myself, but rather, trusting more in the types of foods that I eat, and believing that my 'experience' to the types of foods that I eat is 'who I am' -- not realizing that it is just a reaction.
I commit myself to trust in how my body reacts to food by taking different kinds of tests that can read the types of changes that takes place over-time within my body, and to adjust my food-intake based on those tests.
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