God is So Good

Over the years, I always had the tendency to say that God is good, but there was something within myself that wouldn't allow it to be voiced in self-honesty, because when I took a look at the world, there was no consistency in the 'goodness' of God manifested throughout and within the world equally in everyone's lives, but I wholeheartedly wanted to believe in the 'goodness' of God. I wanted to put my 'trust' in the Lord, but when I developed my awareness in relation to who I am and what I have allowed within my life and the consequences thereof, I realize that it was never about God, but it was about me and my responsibility to myself and my responsibility in the world to become a living example in all areas of my life to myself and thus, to others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that to be a 'living example' is to see, realize, and understand, and practically move into providing solutions that are sustainable and trustworthy for not only myself, but to everyone -- where this 'trustworthiness' comes from my own self-trust in being able to move and express myself within the principle of what is best for all life.

I commit myself to ensure that that whom or which I place trust into is a trust not coming from an 'emotional' bond or an 'emotional connection', but to ensure that the trust is practical, effective, and best for the particular event / situation / circumstance.

I commit myself to develop and awareness of who I am in relation to myself, to others, and to the world as a whole because I see, realize, and understand that that whom I place trust into -- that I have to have an awareness of myself in relation to why I am entrusting another individual with a particular task, what the motivation of that 'trust' is, how that trust will effect the integrity of the situation, what are the possible play-outs; is there any movement of emotional and feeling behavior within myself because I realize that if I cannot stabilize myself when it comes to emotional and feeling behavior, but rather, allow that emotional and feeling behavior to 'control' and 'direct' me, I realize that my decision to trust another cannot stand as a stable decision until I stabilize myself in relation to that which created the emotional and feeling behavior in the first place.

Redefining Trust: I commit myself to establish that self-trust within myself which is a trust where, instead of relying on emotional and feeling behavior to change me, I commit myself to with every moment establish self-change where, instead of participating in emotional and feeling behavior, I commit myself to stop, breathe, and investigate that particular emotional reaction, forgive, and let it go because I realize that when and as an emotion or a feeling comes up spontaneously within myself, that it isn't me directing myself, but me, as my mind, that made a decision to go into such an emotion or a feeling based on a memory that I am not aware of and have not directed within my world and reality, and so therefore, am reliving the past instead of being here, present, and stable within physical reality. And so I realize that when and as I participate in emotional and feeling behavior that I will create relationships in my world and reality where I start trusting others within the basis of emotions and feelings because I am simply mirroring my own self, and mirroring how I have trusted in emotions and feelings to give me the illusion of 'wholeness', the illusion of having an 'identity', the illusion of having a 'voice', the illusion of having 'self-worth' because of how it 'feels' when I participate in them. I realize that self-trust is being able to, instead of allowing something 'spontaneous' like emotions and feelings activate within myself with no precise, clearly self-communicated, and readily observable decision being made before-hand -- that that self-trust is bringing myself back into physical reality and directing that which I did not make an initial, precise, and clearly self-communicated decision on my behalf -- to exist within myself, and so giving that 'confidence' back to myself -- that freedom from self-doubt which is that 'uncertainty' that I am existing as when I participate in emotional and feeling behavior.