On May 23rd 2014 in between 9:30 PM and 10:30 PM my wife and I went to buy some yogurt. The yogurt that I wanted to buy for myself was the French Vanilla yogurt which was the only yogurt available that does not have added sugar. So since this particular business did not have the French Vanilla yogurt available, I got the New York cheesecake-flavored yogurt instead.
One of the back-chats that I had within my mind when driving the car back home was that the yogurt was a bit sweeter than the French Vanilla yogurt. I realize, within this, how I judged other people within my mind that eat the yogurt at this particular business as being 'careless' about their physical health. So I realize within this how I am actually, within myself, judging others as 'inferior' to me when it comes to health because of how I judged 'other people' as being 'superior' than me in all other areas within my life.
And so within this, I realize how I am existing within 'competition' within defining others as 'inferior' to me when it comes to health, and judging others as 'superior' in all other areas within my life.
So here within this blog, I'd like to write some self-forgiveness statements. Self-forgiveness for me -- is me gifting myself, through writing, the opportunity to look back at my experiences, and release any emotional reactions that I am using as justifications within my life that I, for instance, use to compete with others. And what is the justification here? It is me justifying me as 'right' within eating French Vanilla yogurt that does not have any added sugar, and other people as 'wrong' within eating every other kind of yogurt that has added sugar.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as 'inferior' to others through seeing other people within my life as being 'better' than me, more 'consistent', more 'skilled', more 'responsible', etc. in all areas of my life, and so within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for 'fault' or 'imperfection' within other people when I see that people are not living up to the 'standards' of what has been 'agreed' upon by the scientific community of what it means to be 'healthy'.
Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the knowledge / information, and research that I have 'gathered' within the world about what it means to be 'healthy' when it comes to how much sugar an individual should consume on a daily basis, and thus, judge people that eat ice cream with added sugar as 'inferior' to me because of me eating ice cream with no added sugar which I connected to 'responsibility', and taking care of one's physical body.
I see, realize, and understand that it is my own self-judgment within myself of me seeing myself as 'irresponsible' in different areas of my life, and projecting that 'irresponsibility' onto others through believing that others are 'more responsible' than me because of how I perceive their behavior.
I see, realize, and understand that when I 'compete' with others within my mind, it is because of me reinforcing / revalidating my relationship to 'inferiority that I accepted and allowed myself to be defined by. I see, realize, and understand how this 'inferiority' point was created within myself by me not taking self-responsibility within my life -- within different areas of my life such as when it comes to starting and finishing menial tasks. I see, realize, and understand how I may 'start' particular tasks within my life, and become so mesmerized by something else, that I do not finish that particular task.
So I commit myself to when I perform tasks, to do that particular task from start to end.
I commit myself to stop 'hesitating' when it comes to starting and continuing a particular task because I see, realize and understand that when I set out to do something, and then I create a 'hesitation' about it, I realize that that 'hesitation' exists because of a fear, within myself, that I believe is 'bigger' than the solution itself because of my 'emotional reaction' to the particular fear.
I commit myself to live the word 'responsibility' instead of using the word 'responsibility' within 'competition'. I see, realize, and understand that when I use the word 'responsibility' within comparison and competition, that I am not really living the word 'responsibility', but am using the word 'responsibility' to create 'positive energy-experience' (which is a good feeling) within myself, and not realize how this is, actually, self-manipulation.