22 April 2012

Day 7 | I Saw These Angels Everywhere

Today, I was at the store, and I noticed that my movements and inner conversations were that of anger towards females -- especially Caucasian women. Because of the form, shape, and color of women, I judged myself as 'less than' because I judged females with figure-8 forms as 'more than' -- of any female for that matter that has a shape to them because I connected the female shape with the angel pottery that my grandmother had in her house when I was young -- in which they were all light-tanned color like Caucasian females -- which is the reason for the emphasis on Caucasian females connected to being highly-evolved. Why am I still holding on to this point? Because I still accept and allow myself to exist within a point of feeling 'less than'. Why am I still holding on to the point of feeling 'less than'? Because as the personality, I want to use this point to identify me as 'less than', and exist within/as this 'polarity' because it makes me 'feel good' as a 'personality' even though I don't actually 'feel good 'consciously. The reason that I am still holding on to this point is because I want to identify myself as 'more than', and thus 'feel good' within that. Because the personality can only exist within 'feeling good', and 'feeling bad' about something. I wanted to find a way to become 'more than' what I see as form, shape, and color. I am seeking 'power' within this as a point of 'competing against' females by finding a source of 'power' that could be 'more than' females -- so I can get my fix. I see how my mind is extensive within this point that I know doesn't even exist.

The question is, where am I defining myself as 'less than'? It is within my male form and connecting my male form as powerless because I connected 'power' to health, therefore, I noticed that within the store when I saw females, I would stand up straight and perfect myself in every way in order to make myself 'appear' that I 'have-it-all-together' because I believed that females have-it-all-together. Thus, the whole point here is the mind and points that I am showing myself that I am not supporting me effectively to stop my mind's 'world of illusion' because only the mind needs 'energy' to exist. Only the mind seeks 'power'. Only the mind needs to exist within competition to keep relationships going. If I stop my mind, then all of these points stop, then, I wouldn't need to 'find a solution' 'separate' from me to become 'more than' -- because what can possibly be 'more than' existence but an illusion manufactured within the mind?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word 'female'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word 'angel'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word 'female' to the word 'angel'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word 'female' to the word 'power'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the words 'Leon Perry' to the word 'powerless'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word 'power' to the figure-8 shapes of a female because 'angels' have figure 8s.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am 'powerless' because I do not have a figure 8 shape.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word 'white' to the word 'power'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word 'Caucasian' to the word 'power'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word 'Caucasian' to the word 'angel'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word 'Caucasian'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word 'power'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word 'white'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to identify myself as 'more than' so I can 'feel good' within the feeling of being 'more than' because of the fact that the personality -- as what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become can only exist within 'feeling good', and 'feeling bad' about something. Thus, I wanted to find a way to become 'more than' what I see as form, shape, and color.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify with being my form, shape, and color, and go into competition with other forms, shapes, and colors to never take self-responsibility in stopping everything that I separated myself from -- because I saw competition as 'fun' because I never moved or directed me in my life. I always needed something 'separate' from me as 'competition' to direct me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within anger towards females because of their form, shape, and color based on judging myself as 'less than' because I judged females with figure-8 forms as 'more-than'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within anger towards Caucasian females because of their form, shape, and color based on judging myself as 'less than' because I judged females with figure-8 forms as 'more-than'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be brainwashed by the media that 'white' means purity, and thus desire 'white' females because I connected them to being 'pure'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the 'softness' of the female to 'healing energy'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that females are 'more pure' than males because of their 'softness', and thus, when I see a female -- stand up straight and perfect myself in every way in order to make myself 'appear' that I 'have-it-all-together' because I believed that females have-it-all-together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek healing 'separate' from me within 'females' because I connected the 'softness' expression of females to 'healing'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word 'softness'.

What am I not giving me within 'softness'? I am existing within a polarity of judging myself based on what it means to be a 'man' and how a man should represent himself as the 'opposite' of softness, and thus, defining me within that 'personality' / 'ego', and thus believe that I am 'separate' from 'softness', and thus need to 'experience' that softness with a female. Thus, creating a desire for another personality/ego expression as what 'softness' represents as an illusion of beingness. Thus, I am not taking self-responsibility to equalize myself with both polarities within self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

Redefining 'Softness' (Self as Stability Resting in the Nest): Where Softness is the humbleness as stability that is 'rested', and not engineered by and through energy and movement as 'reactions' of the mind, but exist within/as eternity as the 'hereness' of nothingness.

I commit myself to be the expression of 'softness' in every moment as 'stability' rather than abuse 'softness' within a point that I believe is 'not me', thus, seek after it to satisfy my 'ego' personality. Thus, when I see that I am not honoring the point of stability, I stop; I breathe; I let go and 'return' back to 'nothingness' as who I really am. Because why do I need 'something' to define me?

No comments:

Post a Comment