18 March 2011

Dre and Medicine

Today, a friend of mine called about something. He asked if I could take him to work earlier through text messaging, and so I complied with his inquiry. I was surprised that he called me later. I answered the phone assuming that he wanted to repeat his inquiry to me because I never did reply back to him earlier. I simply complied to his inquiry. Instead, he called to inform me that he will be taking shots tomorrow (March 18th 2011) and wanted me to buy him an MP3 player today with my money. He informed me that he will pay me back. I reacted to this inquiry slightly because I just didn't want to be bothered with him, and plus, I am virtually always the one that is buying him something, or giving him something, and he doesn't pay me back unless I iterate it to him.

The most prominent reaction was when he informed me that the money that I gave him for his driving school: he's going to have to use that (for his medicine/shots) -- which means that it will 'prolong' my enslavement of taking him to work every night. I am 'obligated' to take him to work every night because he doesn't have a car.

Another reaction to the situation is when I remembered that I wanted to go to my sister's and her mother's church for a youth revival tonight (March 18th 2011). So I want to do some self-forgiveness over these points -- for accepting and allowing myself to 'hold' onto these points:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'specialize' a being that is 'closely related' to me biologically BECAUSE they are 'closely related' -- believing that they are 'more than' everyone else -- in which I begin to form a 'personality' of 'separation' between 'some people' and the 'rest of the people' (the mass) = becoming the very 'reflection' of the 'Elite' as 'more than others' and the 'rest' as 'the mass' who are, in my eyes of 'deception', = 'insignificant' -- accepting 'separation' manifested within/as all points that 'man' has created 'separation' within/as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form a sense of 'aversion' towards Dre because of his 'financial status' and 'neediness' -- instead of realizing that 'neediness' as the 'reflection' of who we are -- 'needing' a God as 'money' to create our supposed 'well being' and calling it 'life'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to 'accept' all situations/experiences 'as myself' and to realize that any 'reaction' towards any situations/experiences is the 'realization' that I am 'hiding behind' a 'personality construct' that I have accepted 'as myself' to 'hide behind' what is 'here' as what we have accepted and allowed to exist. To accept 'Dre' is to accept 'myself' equal and one. To 'react to' Dre in 'disgust' is to 'support' the 'I' of 'Identity' as 'Personality' as 'Illusion' as 'Separation'.

Within every situation, I 'direct' me as the situation/experience. To 'react' is to 'declare' myself as 'less than' the situation. I am 'here'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'define' me 'as' the 'experience. I 'am' the experience, but I am not 'defined' by it -- which is 'mind programming' as 'personality enslavement'. Any situation that I 'react' to that I seem to have 'lost', is the confirmation of my enslavement to/as an 'experience' as a 'reflection' of my 'inner programming' to the event/place/theme. Within this blog, I have no reaction to going to church, but there is the reaction towards the 'belief' that I will 'lose' a 'moment' with my 'sister', primarily -- defining myself based on 'family constructs'. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me as the 'picture' and 'position' within/as my 'family' -- accepting the construct of a 'family' to create who I am as 'Leon'. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'define' me as 'Leon' -- instead of realizing that 'Leon' is simply an aggregate of mind constructs that create the 'illusion' that 'Leon' as a mind-consciousness system is 'real'. But what all that exists as 'Leon' is 'symbols' as thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, beliefs and ideas creating the 'structure' of 'Leon' as apparently 'alive'.

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