Ugliness, Relationships, and Gender

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to beLIEve that I am 'ugly'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'give life' to the construct of 'ugliness'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to 'feed' the 'design of ugliness'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that within accepting me as 'ugly' I am continuing to 'feed' the 'design of ugliness' which gives 'support' to the 'design of beauty' within and as me as 'points' in separation of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'give life' to the polarity friction of 'ugliness' and 'beauty'.

Why do I continue to support the 'design of ugliness'? I am believing that I am 'ugly' because what my step dad told me when I was younger. He called me ugly, and then I found out later on that I resemble 'Raj' from the television sitcom 'What's Happening!'. Then I 'went' with that. Then all of the women in the world, I created a form of 'separation' believing that women 'don't want me' because I look like 'Raj' and I am 'ugly'. Why do I continue to beLIEve that I need women to accept me? I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to beLIEve that I need to be accepted by women. Why do I continue to beLIEve that I need women to verify me as 'qualifiable' to date? I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to beLIEve that I have to be 'qualified' to be accepted by a female beLIEving that this is the PRINCIPLE of LIVING = 'man dates woMan' ('mandates' woMan) --- instead of realizing that the PRINCIPLE of LIVING is within and AS ME. The 'PRINCIPLE of LIVING' which is living in Self-Honesty is within and AS ME. Therefore, I don't have to search for life / living within another 'separate' from me. So why do I continue to beLIEve that I need women to verify me as 'qualifiable' to date? Because I obviously haven't realized the principle of actually LIVING yet. Thus I have to continue to direct myself more within and as 'Self-Honesty' and deconstruct every idea, thought, picture, notion, etc. about how a relationship 'should' function (and be) according to society.

Relationship and 'Energy'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a 'real' relationship should involve man and woman only.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a 'real' relationship involved having the 'right image' to your mate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that two men can't have a 'relationship' with each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that two women can't have a 'relationship' with each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is the 'PRINCIPLE', thus a requirement, to have a 'relationship' based on society.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'mold' myself to fit society's standards of 'living'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'mold' myself to fit society's standards of 'relationship'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I 'must' have a relationship and if I don't, I am 'missing' out on something (as in 'energy').

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I 'must' participate in 'energy' in order to 'live'. The 'energy' of a relationship, and of the mind-consciousness system, is not who I am. 'Energy' is a 'movement' created from thoughts, feelings and emotion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'thoughts' are who I am in believing that I am somehow 'tired' or 'weak' if I don't / haven't had sex with a woman.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'thoughts' are who I am in believing that I have a 'low amount of energy' if I don't / haven't had 'sex' with a female.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must have sex in order to be fulfilled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe a 'thought' as who I am as 'life'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give power to a 'thought' in the belief that it is 'me'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a 'thought' tell me that I am / will get 'tired' if I don't have 'sex' with a female.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'tiredness' exists and that I am a 'subject' of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subject to 'energy'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be 'controlled' by energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be 'directed' by energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience 'energy' in the belief that 'energy' is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am 'energy'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe 'energy' is the 'realization' of who I am as 'life'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the construct of 'energy' in order to 'believe' that I am actually 'living'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by 'energy'.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to be the 'directive principle' of me in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my responsibility to 'energy' to manifest in my world to tell me how I must be and how I must experience myself instead of me expressing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a 'relationship' is based on 'energy'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I 'must' have a 'relationship' in order to remain 'healthy' with 'sufficient 'energy' from my 'partner'.

Why do I continue to believe that I it is necessary for me to 'date' a female -- because of the simple fact that I am a man and that it is 'the thing' to do? Because I am supporting the structure of what it means to 'live and be' within the society. I am supporting CULTure. I am supporting the 'PRINCIPLES' for what it means to live within society which is solely based off of 'energy'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must have a 'relationship' to be 'normal' in this society.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I don't have a 'relationship', I am 'missing out' on something.

Aela: You are missing out on something, but most of that involves 'energy'.

'Relationship' is that that we have defined as two people coming together to form a 'connection' separate from each other in order 'keep that energetic flow going' called 'love'. Apparently, this love is not 'real love', but 'love' based on 'energetic principles'.

Relationship and Gender Roles

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a man cannot express 'femininity' in a relationship because it doesn't 'fit' the standards of what it means to be a 'man' within a relationship with a 'woMan'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a woMan cannot express 'masculinity' in a relationship because it doesn't 'fit' the standards of what it means to be a 'woMan' within a relationship with a 'man'.

I tear down the constructs of what it means to be a 'man' and what it means to be a 'woMan'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to 'act like a man' (within/as masculinity) in order to be 'in a relationship' with a 'female'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to 'act like a man' in order to 'please' a female.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I 'don't have enough' of my 'expression' as a man, and in order to 'become whole' I have to 'find a female' in order to 'gain' that which I 'think' I don't already have. For me it was 'femininity' so I 'expressed' that for myself.

Aela: And what did you realize by expressing that for yourself?

Leon: That I was forming separation between 'masculinity' and 'femininity' instead of 'equalizing' them as who I am 'here' and tearing down the constructs of what it means to be 'masculine' and 'feminine'.

Aela: Alright.