Stuttering and Communication

Here in this blog, I am writing some self-forgivenesses in relation to a brief communication session that I had with a middle-aged Caucasian man, and the reactions that I became cognizant of within myself during and after communicating with him. This blog may offend some, but understand that the blog is not aimed at anyone in particular, but I am simply directing the points that I personally experienced in this blog to bring clarity to myself and also, I am making commitments that I can live by as self-corrections for myself in relation to the things that emerged in my mind as 'blueprints' of how I will relive the situation / circumstance when I am faced with it again.

So for example, a thought may come up during the reading of the blog that I am prejudiced against people with 'Southern' accents. This thought that emerged can be an opportunity for one to see how one has, within themselves, compared yourself to someone else because what I found out is that every time there is a reaction within me, it is a reference to something in my mind where I am existing within a point of comparison -- where I either compared myself to someone else in a way that I perceive myself as inferior to them or where I compared myself to someone else in a way that I perceive myself as 'superior' than them. So one can, thus, take self-responsibility for the reaction(s) that emerges so that one can gift oneself a point of 'stability' in relation to it -- meaning that one will no longer react when encountering a similar experience that has similar context.

Self-forgiveness is something that I personally utilize for myself to become aware of what I am reacting to -- that I use within writing and speaking, as a way of dropping / releasing my relationship to whatever or whomever I compared myself to so I can then, from that point, be able to properly, and with clarity, commit myself to consistently walk a correction-point to the very thing that I reacted to initially -- meaning that I change my relationship from being 'reactive' to it / them / the circumstance to being the directive-principle the situation which creates a stability to the situation.

To acquire a better understanding of what self-forgiveness is, please feel free to visit my other blog about self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not competent enough when communicating to a middle-aged Caucasian man with a European accent when he asked me the reason for my trip to North Carolina because of my conspicuous speech impediment and 'Southern accent' that I defined as 'crude'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my 'Southern' accent as 'crude'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my speech impediment for me not being competent enough to communicate to others.

I commit myself to accept and allow myself to communicate with people, and assist and support them in expanding their awareness in relation to sharing my knowledge and awareness about something that will support them in living their utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate people with Southern accents as people that are 'less educated'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate people with speech impediments as people that are 'less educated' and mentally incompetent in intellectual, emotional, and / or academic prowess.

I forgive that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am constantly mirroring myself to others in communication, and so me entertaining the belief that I am not competent enough when communicating / interacting with others, is something that I have 'patterned' / 'integrated' within me over the years as a self-judgment "program" that I developed, nurtured, and defined myself as which I project to others, thus, creating a judgement about them existing on the 'opposite' polarity (from how I define myself in relation to them).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that all middle-aged Caucasian males are educated because of my perception (that I created in my mind) about middle-aged Caucasian males being the dominant age and race in the 'business sector'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that all of my perceptions and judgments of others are me projecting my own perceptions and judgments of myself to others, and so not realize that my perception (that I created in my mind) of Caucasian males being the dominant age and race in the business sector is something that I associated with 'potential', and how I see the potential that is being lived by middle-aged Caucasian males that I, in my mind, perceive as the age and race that are most dominant in the business sector, and that I, in my mind, created a comparison about in relation to me being 'inferior' to middle-aged Caucasian males.

I commit myself to see the potential in me and live that potential in every moment.

I commit myself to see the opportunity that a moment can bring, and live that potential.

I commit myself to ask myself, "How can I live my utmost potential in this moment?"

I commit myself to see, realize, and understand how I can, for example, see in my mind the potential that I associate with middle-aged Caucasian males that I perceive as the age and race that are most dominant in the business sector, and realize that this may or may not be statistically true, but that I can find the word / words that creates my perception to others which is, in this perception of middle-aged Caucasian males being the dominant age and race in the business sector -- is the word 'potential', and how this perception of me in relation to Caucasian males can be used as a constructive comparison to show me where I, in my life, need to develop more of or create within myself as a potential which is, in this case, potential in relation to business. And I commit myself to do what is practially necessary to be done to develop that point into a living reality / expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that all people with European accents are more educated than me, and so elicit an experience of a slight sense of intimidation with a slight sense of jealously when hearing people that have European accents speak, and amplify that jealousy when hearing people that have European accents using grandiloquent lingo that I associated with having lavish intelligence and academic prowess.

I see, realize, and understand how I place myself in a box / limit my communication with others when I react to them contingent on something that they impute (attribute) as a 'quality', and so thus, I see, realize, and understand how I lock myself into 'blame' by blaming my stuttering, for example, for being the culprit for my restrained and controlled communication to others.

I see, realize, and understand that I also fear that others will become impatient when I speak stammeringly.

I commit myself to when and as I have an opportunity to communicate, to share myself to others, and realize that through that sharing, I may be sharing / imparting something that will be a gift in relation to that person's life.