On April 20th 2012, I went to FedEx (previously known as Kinkos) to finish my 7th blog for the Journeys to Life process. My agreement partner asked me how long will I be in there, and I informed her that I will be in FedEx for about 20 minutes. When I went in there, instead of finishing my blog, I went on Facebook to thank everyone for telling me "Happy Birthday". I attempted to tag everyone on Facebook that told me "Happy Birthday," but I couldn't because Facebook only allowed so many tags. Thus, I attempted to do it an alternate way, and I was also unsuccessful. Therefore, I just decided to hurry up and finish my blog for the day because it was already going on 20 minutes of being there. I looked at the unfinished post, and decided to not finish the blog because it was already getting late. So I got back in the car and informed my agreement partner that I didn't finish it, but will finish it the following day because of me spending too much time in the bathroom.
And then my agreement partner started becoming suspicious because if I was only doing number 1, why did it take me so long? I then informed her that I did take a look at my blog -- (but what I was doing was making up stories in order to add a little more time to make the 'unproductive' 20 minutes that I spent in the computer room seem like a legitimate 20 minutes).
After several minutes, my agreement partner stated that the duration of time still didn't make sense. Thus, I informed her that I didn't just look at my blog, but checked over the integrity of the blog. After several minutes, the point opened back up again, and I then told the whole story of what happened. I went in the computer lab, and instead of finishing my blog that I was doing earlier, I went on Facebook to thank everyone for telling me "Happy Birthday". I attempted to tag everyone on Facebook that told me "Happy Birthday," but I couldn't because Facebook only allowed so many tags. Thus, I attempted to do it an alternate way, and I was also unsuccessful. Therefore, I just decided to hurry up and finish my blog for the day because it was already going on 20 minutes of being there. I looked at the unfinished post, and decided to not finish the blog because it was already getting late.
Thus, I realized that I allowed myself to exist within self-dishonesty because of fear of telling my agreement partner that 'actual' time that I needed to be in there -- which was about 30 minutes to an hour to effectively do my blog without any time-constraints. I thus manifested the situation of when I was being questioned because of the fear of being disagreed upon -- which was the reason that I was self-dishonest. Thus, the situation itself was a situation leading to a disagreement -- from the perspective of being "forced" to look at my points. Thus, that 'force' in itself was a disagreement from the ego perspective -- because the ego doesn't like to be forced out of its own idea of "choice" and "comfortability".
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within 'fear' because of the desire to stroke my ego of wanting to be 'agreed' with.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being disagreed with -- for fear of someone else 'reacting' to what I 'might' have said or done -- because I feared the illusion as their reaction as ego/personality. Thus, within this, I cling to that which is an illusion of the mind because I have entrusted the mind as the precipice of our beingness. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify with/as the mind -- and to believe that I am this mind as thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to use lies to justify my self-manipulative tactics to believe that I am 'getting out' of facing myself -- instead of realizing that that belief of 'getting out' only manifests the actual point that I have not directed as 'consequence'.
I forgive myself that have not accepted and allowed myself to equalize myself with consequence, and thus, face the consequence as me -- but to believe that consequence is separate from me, and thus not realize the consequence that is here as what I am 'experiencing' is in-fact -- 'me'.
I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to specialize a day, and thus, abuse time to satisfy me ego as my 'birthday' in order to 'feel good' -- because I have manifested 'feeling bad' within me, thus 'live out' the feeling of 'feeling bad', and create experiences of 'feeling good' to not face my points of what I have not equalized myself with as what I have judged as 'feeling bad'.
I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to abuse time, and not use time for what's 'best for all' -- rather use time to abuse myself as the source of time that I believe I am 'separate' from -- because have defined me as 'less than' myself.
I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as 'less than' myself, thus, entertain myself within time so I can feel 'more than' -- because I placed myself in a 'less than' position of not directing myself one and equal as the movement of 'me'.
I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to place movement within 'time', and thus sabotage myself as self-movement / self-direction because I projected myself within time through defining 'time' as movement, and defining that movement as life -- thus, when something else 'moves' I 'feel good' -- because I have not 'moved me.
I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to make up stories to protect my ego of self-dishonesty, and thus use self-dishonesty as an illusion of self-fulfillment and 'power', but never realized the only thing that I am moving and directing within self-dishonesty are my illusions as 'personality' -- of what I believed and perceived myself to be.
I commit myself to stop lying because I used lying as a tool to cover-up my self-dishonest tactics within my world and reality. Thus, to stop lying is to in-fact stop the ego. When I exist within ego, I know that I am 'lying' to myself.
I commit myself to stop lying because I connected lying to self-direction and believed that I was directing me within lying, but instead, I give power to that which I lie about, and 'embed' myself further within the point -- as a point of self-abuse, and thus have to constantly face it within time, because time is 'me'.
I commit myself to not abuse time within wanting to create a 'feel good' situation to empower the 'ego personality' -- of what I believe and perceive myself to be within this world. Thus, anything where I allow myself to 'feel good' within the passing of time that is significant in the matter, I stop; I breathe, and let go, and trust myself within my self-directive action of stopping the ego that I have entrusted as the expression of me in every moment. When I realize that I can actually do this, I know that I am loosening the 'threads' of particular relationships that I have clinged to which I used to create the reality of how I exist within this world.
I commit myself to direct me as self-movement within/as time as the realization that I am time, and that the 'walking within time' is the physical manifestation of my internal reality that I have accepted and allowed to exist as who I am in this world and reality. I will take time and apply time within/as a direction that is 'best for all in every moment.