I started doing a network marketing business around August of 2011. I was attracted to the business because of its initial investment fee. Most network marketing businesses have an initial investment fee before becoming a member of their organization. Because of the low investment fee of this business opportunity, I felt confident of marketing the product to other people because I know that everyone may not have the sufficient amount of income to pay an exorbitant investment fee to develop their marketing ingenuity. My primary reason for joining this network marketing business is to have more wherewithal to do what is best for all because within this current system, the only way to 'move' is by having the financial sufficiency to move. Without financial sufficiency, one could be in a position to not have the ability to maintain a decent living for themselves because of our self-interests -- manifested within/as fear and greed -- which are the precipices of our systematic abuse that we, as a collective entity are living out as consequence.
So I started doing this business around August of 2011. This was not the first business that I got involved in, but rather, the fifth business. The first business, I was involved in for quite some time. It was difficult for me to market the product, but I was coherent in attempting to develop an organization. Not only did I realize that I got into the business just for financial means, but it would also be an assistance and support for me within/as my communication development. I realized that these kind of businesses would be very supportive from that point because with a mentor, which would be my 'up-line', she would assist and support me on how to communicate effectively to others about how to effectively market the business and the product. I always had a fear of communicating with people because of my speech impediment, and I realized that I had fear of communicating to people about the business because it seemed more of a mechanical approach for financial acquisition rather than actually establishing an authentic relationship with the person that I am communicating to. But I still remained coherent within/as the processes of what it would take to acquire a sufficient amount of wealth to support what is best for all.
What would be best for all within this world is when everyone has a roof over their head and food to eat. Even this in our world is not given to all freely because of our collective self-interests within our self-defined lives and living.
So within the first network marketing company, I ended up quitting because of business reasons rather than personal reasons. Therefore, I got into other network marketing companies and stopped participating in others for specific reasons. I enjoyed all of them, but come to find out that the one that I joined in August of 2011 was the best one in respect to the low investment fee. Thus, more prospects would be able to join without the concern of paying a heavy initial investment fee in order to convey their marketing qualities. So I decided to carry out the experiences that I learned from the first network marketing business that I was involved in. I stopped participating in the one that I joined in August of 2011 for a little while because I became discombobulated about my standing within myself. I mean I was interested in walking my process of birthing myself from the physical -- which basically means that I wanted to become the living word.
How do I become the living word? I really never understood this concept of the living word in totality to this day of April 14th 2012, since the start of my process in 2007. But what I do know is that I have to stop participating in my mind. I realize within my process that I have not been self-honest with myself trying to project an image that I seem to know everything that's going on in this process, and believe that the more knowledge and information that I gather within this process -- that that is the turning point of me -- that that is the change of/as me, but I have not taken responsibility in actually applying self-change through practical applications of writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction to actually 'birth' me as self-change. I have been too stubborn and too lazy, but I have been wanting to commit myself to this process of the 'living word' since 2007, and this is what I believe the living word is -- to actually LIVE the words of self-change that I write down in this blog and other blogs.... to actually write, look at the points, write self-forgiveness, and apply the changes practically... not just write self-forgiveness mechanically, but actually look within/as oneself and bring self out here on the table in self-honesty, and self-honesty can be difficult if one allows themselves to exist within that difficulty as a point of self-interest -- which is something that I have used in the past to justify my position in this process of 'stopping' the mind. Stopping the mind is simply stopping the bullshit within me. It's what this process is, and this bullshit exists within/as these thoughts, feelings, and emotions within me that I have defined myself as.
So I wanted be committed to my process effectively, but I know that that money is the blood of this world and need it to survive. So I had to participate in time within this business to make money. It was like a leech being sucked out of me. I enjoyed the businesses I was in but the more time and resources that I put into them, it seemed as though I was getting nowhere. I actually spent waaay more than I actually made, and it was time-consuming. Yet, the basic strategy was simple -- you get people in, but you have to do it in a creative way so they can be excited about it. And that's the deception that I felt within me. I felt as though I was deceiving others just so that I can make money off of them.
So I got tired of it altogether in the fifth one because my 'motivation' was diminishing. I wanted to look more into internet marketing, but even with internet marketing there's still an investment fee, and even a higher investment fee on some occasions. Network marketing is so easy, but I am fearful of talking to people which is creating a big fuck-up wherein I have an opportunity here but not pursuing it because of my fear? Plus, I judge the business based on its structure and value -- if it's authentic or not. There's all of these excuses, but I'm not actually participating in the business -- yet judging it. But I am only projecting that judgment onto the business because I am judging myself based on not standing and directing the fear that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within/as based on what they 'might' say -- which is the point of praising my personality based on others opinions about me. Yes, within that, I actually support me as a personality to exist within abuse based on values that I give myself -- and not wanting others to 'hurt' those values, so I use fear as a protection mechanism to not face myself. That is a total fuck-up, and a fuck-up that I accept and allow because of me not wanting to do what is best for all financially which is to take self-direction in applying myself effectively within the financial realm because I want to justify the fear because of wanting to remain as a personality within certain points and values. The question is, what am I giving value to?
I am giving value to the image of me as 'professionalism' and what it means to hide my actual self from others based on the fear of being exposed. So really, there's no way to actually 'get out' of process -- which is another excuse for me to not take self-responsibility in applying myself effectively in all areas of my life. So this network marketing business is chance for me to apply myself in this area of my life wherein I am able to become financially sufficient to contribute more to all areas of my life and what is best for all which is creating and supporting a system wherein each man has a roof over their head and clothes on their back.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act within the point of knowledge and information while writing blogs and to want to make it all pretty in order to impress the public for them to believe that I know what I'm talking about.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed when I don't know things within my process, and thus desire to present an image of knowledge and information to/towards others instead of existing within/as, and applying self-honesty within every moment of breath and presenting that self-honesty within my blogs as the statements that this is what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, and this is what I am writing about within my blogs as point of self-correction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place judgment on something else as an excuse to not direct myself within my applications within my world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'process' only exists within some areas of my life, and within the other areas able to freely fuck myself within/as self-interest as an excuse to not apply what is best for all in every moment of breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make fear a protection-mechanism based on what others 'might' say if I tell them about the business which actually supports me as a personality to exist based on values that I give myself as a personality -- and not wanting others to 'hurt' those values.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me based on the forms, shapes, and colors that form the presentation of professionalism, and to believe that that professional image is 'more than'me, thus, have to become that point of professionalism in separation through/as deceiving myself to try to create an image of me that is not real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within winning and losing, instead of applying effective change through and as the living statement that I am here, thus, I move myself within/as the physical which is not bound by winning and losing as a way to pamper the ego as personality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being self-honest because I have feared taking responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed to myself to exist as instead of standing up and taking self-responsibility to direct that fear within writing and applying myself effectively to become the living words of self-honesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide within the structuring of my words a certain way to make it seem as though I am being self-honest when in fact, I am sabotaging myself within the mind as personality and ego, and making the statement that I want to remain the personality within/as self-interest and abdicating that which is 'best for all'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making money because of the belief that money is corrupt instead of using money to/towards what is best for all as a practical point of changing this world through and within the systems that exist in the world equal and one within my participation within my process of self-change and self-forgiveness where money becomes the movement of me in my process of stopping the bullshit within/as me from and within a world's perspective.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to join so many network marketing companies to justify my fear of selling, thus, want to find the 'perfect' business to balance out that fear so that I can justify my fear within being in the 'perfect' business, and thus not direct that fear effectively.