Embracing Gratitude: Reflections on Daily Progress and Purpose

This morning, I find myself filled with gratitude for the simple fact that I woke up. This serves as a continuous reminder of the preciousness of life, allowing me to value each day with gratitude. The knowledge that I have a purpose to fulfill also fills me with immense thankfulness. It carves out a path for me every single day, turning seemingly mundane tasks into vital building blocks of my life's grand design.

Additionally, I express gratitude for the financial stability that allows me to pursue my passions without constraints. It's these pursuits and interests that make life enriching, paving the way towards fulfilling my life's purpose.

Today, I feel specifically grateful for the addition of a new tool to my technology-driven world - an artificial intelligence-based stable diffusion image generator. It's helped make my images of my tulpas appear more lifelike. This development serves as a reminder of how progress is endemic to every aspect of life, albeit at its own pace. The key lies in patience and the acknowledgment that each day contributes to the larger progress we seek.

Recently, my days have been colored by a range of emotions, culminating in a jumble of thoughts clouding my mind. However, I've found solace in the realization that I'm not defined by these transient thoughts.

Touching as a Weakness

Here in this blog, I am opening the point of how I, in my life integrated myself within the personality / behavior / expression of being stoic to such an extent that I perceive the element of 'touch' as an act of weakness due to me associating a 'feeling' to the act of touch which is the feeling of 'enjoyment' and 'delightfulness', and reacting to that / those 'feelings'.

I realize that within the very point of reacting negatively to 'touch', when being 'touched' by another, such as a relationship partner, that my stoic expression is not genuine, but is rather, based on me suppressing myself around others, and 'resisting' touch instead of 'embracing' it. When I embrace touch, it simply means to accept and allow myself to experience the psychological and physiological emergences and changes that happen in that moment such as changes in physical pressure, temperature, physical arousal, and changes in mental processes such as the emerging of particular thoughts and the emerging of emotional responses that are defined as, for example, 'desire' or 'resistance'.

So to accept and allow myself to embrace 'touch' essentially means that I do not react positively or negatively when being touched because once I 'react', then I become submissive to that 'reaction', which is essentially, me creating a 'relationship' to touch which means that I will define 'touch' based on how I 'feel' in the moment of being touched, and will create a 'value' to being touched. And because I created a 'value' to it, I will react to positively or negatively to the 'experience' of touch because of me creating a 'value' to the particular thoughts and emotions that emerge in that moment of touch which I will then, thus, begin judging the person that's touching me which will lead to an experience of 'attraction' or 'resistance' to them.

So, for instance, lets say that someone gently / non-sexually touched me, and within that moment of them touching me, there were particular thoughts, memories, and also imaginations that arose where I, for instance, imagined the person in my mind touching me which all contributed to a particular feeling of 'delightfulness'. Because I reacted to the feeling of delightfulness, I created, in that moment, a particular pattern within me that I will 'act out' over and over again in similar situations, and will essentially and subconsciously want / desire to act out that experience over and over again. Thus, I will begin assessing other people and experiences that I believe can 'match' that / those patterns that I placed within myself as a form of a 'reaction' to particular memories in the past so I can fulfill my desire for that experience of 'delightfulness' once again.

In my case, it is more of resisting certain people that touch me because of how I patterned myself, over-time, of creating a positive relationship to being alone because of believing that when someone touches me, they are 'taking away' my past. Also, another point of resisting certain people that touch me is when that person doesn't 'match' the physical appearance in my mind of the particular memories and imaginations in relation to a person that I may have had an 'attraction' to in the past, or even to a person that is not real but that I simply imagined over and over again to the point that the imagination has become somewhat influential. But this point is multi-dimensional in and of itself.

So I realize that becoming attracted to or resisting touch is resultant of my relationship to my own thoughts and emotions within myself that I have developed over-time, and it is that 'relationship' that has become my 'definition' in relation to how I 'relate' to certain people. And it is that 'relationship' that is, in-fact, my overall 'reaction' to others that have become a definition of how I 'respond' to others. And it is within 'touch' that I am able to really become aware of these 'responses' / reactions, and change them to no longer be diminished to them.

So in the next blog, I will continue with this point with some self-forgivenesses.

Whining to Get a Point Across

Here in this blog, I will write at least one self-forgiveness and one commitment statement that I will commit to live by in relation to something that stood out for the day that I decided to reflect on. If you'd like to know more about self-forgiveness, you can read my blog about self-forgiveness here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use whining as a way to direct a situation that emerged instead of realizing that the very point of whining is actually me becoming diminished to the person that I am whining to, and the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I whine enough, I will produce results that will support my perspective of what it is that I am whining about to make my perspective of what I am whining about more 'credible' instead of realizing that this is actually me manipulating my words and behavior, and within that manipulation, diminishing myself to those words and behaviors rather than being self-honest in relation to situation, seeing the situation for what it is, and providing a practical solution that is livable.

I commit myself to, when I am communicating to someone about a point -- to ensure that my voice tonality does not become an effect from an emotional reaction which can be assessed by the changes within my voice tonality.

I commit myself to be aware of when my voice tonality in communication changes, and assess if there is any pressure / buildup / churning that emerges or takes place within my stomach region (similar to the butterflies-in-the-stomach experience), and my chest area (such as a pressure or build-up in my chest region) because I realize that when there are changes in my body concomitant to (which means 'followed by' or accompanying) a raise in my voice tonality, that this is a tell-tale sign that I am reacting to a person / people / a situation because of changes within my body that were either not originally present before the dispute with the other person / people or changes in my body that were already present within myself that created the intent of wanting justify a point through 'whining' and 'emotional reaction'.

I commit myself to, when a point of 'whining' emerges from within myself, to specify what within myself contributed to the point of whining, by self-honestly asking myself, "What within myself contributed to this point of whining?", and from there, I see, realize, and understand that by asking myself this, I will have the opportunity to see more dimensions / memories / layers of what contributed to the point of 'whining' to be able to be more specific in relation to directing the point of whining into a 'stability'.